How creepy is this? (poll)

In My Humble Opinion
41

My husband and I will often go for aimless drives, either just for the hell or it, or we need to have a discussion and both facing frontways takes the heat out of it a bit. Like the time his mother asked us to buy their house so they could have some money to go holiday :rolleyes: … there was a lot of driving and cursing that afternoon… :mad:

But it seems a really stupid thing to do on a first date with someone you’ve not met in person. Obviously because of the danger factor, but also, how do you decide when the date is over? And what if you want to cut it short?

42

No, I don’t. For me, it’s about the perception of being trapped. I’m more comfortable if I feel I can leave if I choose and I’ve had too many bad conversations in moving vehicles for it to be a good get to know you gimmick with me.

Besides, if it’s really going that badly I can cut it short by mentioning I need to be home to pay the babysitter.

43

Maybe I’m paranoid, but I wouldn’t get in a car with someone I hadn’t met or at least had personal references for. “Driving around” as a date would seem odd even coming from someone I’d been out with before. It really sounds like he wants to make it hard for her to leave the scene if she decides she’s had enough.

44

Sounds like cruising, which is a common pursuit of the youth today. Does he have a Honda Civic with fartcan muffler?

45

Make sure the inside door handle isn’t missing either. :slight_smile:

46

I hope they’re at least going to have a few drinks first, or maybe during.

47

And yet many of the people who give this same advice would think nothing of giving their phone number or address to some guy they met in a bar and thought was attractive, or a guy they met at the library, or the grocery store, or wherever. There is no reason to assume he is more, or less, dangerous than if she met him at the laundromat.

Would you get into a car with someone you met once in a cafe and then talked to on the phone a few times?

48

There is, though, a difference between giving out your phone number to someone and getting into a moving vehicle with them. Plus, I don’t think most people would give out their addresses either.

49

Agreed… I really wouldn’t recommend getting into a car with a stranger you just met at the laundromat either.

50

Actually, back when I was single, I had a strict no-number policy. Didn’t matter who it was, I wouldn’t give them my number. If they were interested, they could give me their number. I really don’t understand why it’s become “normal” for the interested party to ask for a number, instead of giving their own.

51

catsix, I’d probably want to have my own car for the next couple of meetings at least. After that, I’d probably unbend a bit. I should say that when I was single, I didn’t hook up with people. I never went out with anyone I hadn’t known in person for at least a little while. This wasn’t specifically a safety policy, it’s just how I am. In thinking about it, the only times I’ve ever been in a car alone with a man I just met, he expected the fare and a tip at the end of the ride.

52

I think things are changing. Lately when I’m approached (not so in bars, but more on the street) guys give me their number. It is more low pressure because I can just not call if I’m freaked or whatnot.

53

I don’t really know why it would be creepy, and to be honest I had to ready it 5 or 10 times before I even figured out what MIGHT be creepy. I’ve had plenty of dates where we simply walk around. I’m not sure why this is a whole lot different.

54

Which of these, if either, is creepier, and why?

“Let’s meet up on Sunday at seven. We’ll go for a drive.”

“Let’s go to Maggiano’s for dinner on Sunday. I’ll pick you up at seven.”

55

If you’re walking around, presumably you’re in a public place. If you scream for help, someone can hear you. If you need to leave, you can. If you get in a strange person’s car, you’re not in a public place and who knows where you could wind up.

Obviously, most people aren’t crazy psycho killers. But I wouldn’t take that chance with someone I hadn’t met before. And emailing someone a couple of times does not count as meeting them.

Also, as I’ve written before, there are tons of things to do in Charlotte. The idea that someone would rather drive around aimlessly rather than meet at a restaurant, take in a show, or go to a park pings my weirdo-meter.

56

Well, for what it’s worth, I spoke to the friend with the friend this evening, and the date went very well. They did wind up going for dinner as part of the drive, then went for coffee but the coffee house was closed and they wound up sitting in his car in the parking lot talking for a couple of hours.

Sorry if this takes all the fun out of the discussion. :slight_smile:

Though I am now considering leaving a roll of duct tape in the floorboard of the passenger side of my car so that when the opportunity arises, I can grab it, stuff it back under my seat, and say something sheepish like “Sorry, didn’t mean for you to see that yet.”

57

Okay, I may end up looking the fool here, but…someone’s gonna have to walk me through this nice and slowly, because I’m really starting to feel like I’ve wandered into the Twilight Zone. Not only do I have no idea what’s going on, but everyone’s implicit acceptance of the premise is beginning to weird me out.

When I first read the OP, I thought it was one of those “hit Submit before completing post” affairs. Guy’s going out with girl; okay…guy’s a FOAF of OP, girl’s a girl; all right…they’re gonna go driving around; okay…"isn’t that creepy?"

:confused:

Driving? Driving is creepy now? Hell, I’ve spent MOST of my first dates doing a bit of driving around. The sort of women I like – and, therefore, the ones I tend to ask out – are the ones I can talk with for hours, where we find each other interesting and funny and captivating without the need for social distractors, and we can have good fun doing essentially nothing; what better epitomizes those concepts than a friendly chat on a leisurely drive to nowhere?

For serious? I’m not being snarky here; I really don’t understand this position. What ever happened to “I’ll pick you up at eight”? I’ve uttered those exact words on many an occasion and never gotten an averse reaction to it. Is it really standard protocol now to drive to the restaurant/theater/what-have-you seperately – and this, to the point that doing otherwise is frightening? Come again?

I mean, I’m pretty sure I would have noticed if I’d been freaking out nearly every girl I’ve ever gone out with…but then again, everyone’s acceptance of the OP’s premise at face value (even those who are arguing against it don’t seem to be responding with “…huh?!”, which was certainly my original reaction) tells me there must be something to it.

What’s the rationale here? Are people now assumed to be mad highway rapists and/or axe murders until proven otherwise? When did this happen, and why hasn’t anyone – including, say, everyone I’ve ever met, or dated, or engaged in this very practice with – bothered to clue me in on it?

To sum up…and I mean this as sincerely as one can ask the question…what the fucking fuck?

58

:eek: Given that one of them is driving, I certainly hope they don’t!

(On preview: oops, I see it worked out. Congrats to your friend, Knead, I’m glad it worked out! :slight_smile:

Can I steal that idea?)

59

Absosmurfly.

60

Roland Orzabal, how are you meeting the people you date? Are they friends of friends, coworkers, people from church, people you grew up with, people you are in classes with at school? Or are they people you meet chatting on the internet and a few phone calls? It makes a big difference in people’s comfort level on a first date.

Also, picking someone up for a first date can be less creepy if the person doesn’t live alone and you are, say, meeting her parents.

I really struggled with this with the last guy I dated before I started dating the man who is now my husband (who I had known from church for a few years). Although the guy probably was not an axe murderer, we just kind of “met” without having friends or any organizations in common. As a woman living alone, my sense of safety just wouldn’t let me give out my address, so when we went on a few dates I met him at a public place. Ultimately it just didn’t seem worth it. I felt like a heel since it was obvious I didn’t trust him yet, but it seemed better to trust my instincts than to go against them just for a date I wasn’t too sure about. I think I am just not cut out for that kind of dating.

I’m glad the OP scenario didn’t end in axe-murder or Amway, but I wouldn’t recommend it.