I wasn’t raised with any religious training, except peripherally from some of the older, distant members of my family. My mom and dad weren’t religious, although my mom was interested in several goofy, New-Agey, quasi-spiritual schools of thought.
When I was about 11-ish, I was sent off to a Baptist Boys Ranch (long story…), where all of the boys were encouraged to “give their hearts to Jesus and be BORN AGAIN”. It seemed so coooool when you got “saved” everyone made a big deal of it; all of the faithful congratulated you, there was a little “Dave Got Saved” party with cake and everything.
Bowing to the typical 11-year-old’s desire for acceptence, I went up to the pastor and gave him the whole “…I want to accept Jesus as my savior, yada, yada, yada” song and dance.
I got the party, and the cake, and the congratulations, and the "Hallelujah!"s, but a bitter little voice in my head (not the one I normally hear) was saying, “You’re a complete phoney. You know none of this ridiculous fairy tale is true…” A few weeks later I told the pastor I wanted to take it all back.
Despite my break with Christianity—and all other organized religions, for that matter—I do feel like there’s something out there, some creative intelligence that is loving and good, albeit pretty uninvolved with the day-to-day drudgery of humanity.
I wasn’t raised religious, and I’ve never really believed, although I’ve waffled a lot over the years.
What has ultimately, truly, finally, completely convinced me that there can be no God is watching someone go through Alzheimer’s. There is absolutely no way that any god of any religion could or would have created that disease. It (the disease) is cruel beyond belief, both to the victim and to the loved ones. It is not possible that any supreme being would have decided to inflict that on his “children”.
If I twist up my mind enough, I can find a way to accept a God that sits back and watches while people commit unspeakable cruelties upon each other. But no amount of twisting can accept a God that purposely creates the level of cruelty that is Alzheimer’s.
Like every other human on Earth, I was born not believing. And although, while in my youth, I entertained the idea of various mythical creatures (Santa Claus, God, Satan, Odin, Prester John) having various amounts of importance (from a tiny, tiny, bit all the way up to a pretty small bit), I was never made a victim of organized religion.
I was raised Mormon, and until age 27, was about as “Molly Mormon” as you can get. When I finally decided to leave my husband after years of sexual and mental abuse, my father (THE Mormon fanatic) told me I was going to hell and I wasn’t trying hard enough and my kids would all go to hell to. Then he said my life was bad because I was a bad mormon. When I told my bishop what was going on (the abuse) he said there were some obligations wives are required to fill and the whole divorce was my fault. (Because I wouldn’t screw a man who abused me?!?!WTF?) That was my last Sunday. The farther away I’ve gotten from the church, the clearer my brain has become. I think there are great teachings and points to any church, but I can’t believe that I believed everything I was spoon fed!
There was no big turning point for me. My parents are very religious (Southern Baptist), but we didn’t go to church weekly when I was growing up. When I was about 7 or 8, I discovered channel 38, the religious channel. I got curious about the whole Christianity thing, and between various programs on this channel and the children’s Bible I found on the bookshelves, I was full tilt ahead into Christ-devotion, without really full understanding religion or the implications of faith, or really anything beyond a 3rd grade level.
My parents believe that I might still be a believer if not for my older brother teasing me and ridiculing my beliefs. He was an ass, for sure, but he doesn’t get any credit for opening my eyes, as it were. His ridiculing made me less… open about religion, but it didn’t stop me from believing. Growing up did. As I got older I eventually discarded the various tenets of Christianity (and any other religion, for that matter) as unrealistic, and the Bible as fiction. I was a full-blown atheist by the time I was about 12. I’ve wavered in and out of agnosticism over the years, but at this point, I think agnosticism is just a variety of cop-out.