Since this question may involve multiple answers from across the globe, I am going to place it in the IMHO section.
How do atheists from around the world get married? I mean, I know there are a lot of atheists out there, and I bet some of them want to start a family and procreate legitimate children, so how do they get married?
I apologize if the question sounds a bit stupid or rude, but it has never really occurred to me that atheists would get married with some sort of traditional ritual. I think they would get a marriage license and seal the deal. Maybe host a formal wedding party, and that’s it. Or, if they have family who are religious, then they may host a religious ceremony despite that both the groom and the bride are atheists. Then again, wouldn’t the couple’s atheism be considered heretical against their parents’ and relatives’ religion?
Many of them go to the courthouse and have it done. Others choose to be married by a non-religious official who can perform ceremonies, such as a justice of the peace or a ship’s captain.
We were married by an atheist friend who had gotten ordained a year before to perform the wedding of another pair of friends. The ceremony was the old-fashioned one from the English book of common prayer, with overt references to the Bible removed. “God” had to stay in, but we let it, to fly under the radar of Evangelical family and friends who aren’t quite cognizant of our lack of belief.
Then everybody ate friend catfish and okra, danced to BB King, and drank boxed wine. The end.
I’ve never been married or been to an atheist wedding, but it seems to me like there’s very little about a marriage ceremony that belongs to any given religion. It’s basically a party where you announce your marriage before everybody that matters: for theists that’s the couple themselves, their family, their friends, their society, and their diety. Atheists have all of those except the diety. Why not party?
Obviously you’d want to dustbin all the god references and rewrite the vows to tailor them to what you actually believe and wish to promise to, and of course you wouldn’t want to do the thing in a church if you could avoid it, but beyond that I don’t see any reason not to go whole hog.
ETA: though of course if you’re in stealth mode about your atheism you could even leave all the god and church stuff in, and try not to blow your cover by rolling your eyes too much. Whatever you gotta do.
We got married in the Ethical Culture Society of Philadelphia, the leader of which had marrying powers - though in Pennsylvania, thanks to its Quaker heritage, you can marry yourself with only a witness. My daughter got married by a judge in Georgia. Church or temple weddings are not necessary in the US.
I got married in a church. Sure you still have to be OK’d by the priest, but you know what, you don’t tell him you’re an atheist and then you get to have a church wedding and not piss* off your entire family.
I was also baptized and confirmed at the same church, so it wasn’t really a big deal.
If it wasn’t in a church, then what everyone else has said (and will say). Do it where ever you want and presided over by a judge.
*by ‘piss off’ I mean, not spend your entire wedding night answering questions from nosy relatives. I don’t think anyone would actually be pissed off. Surprised maybe.
We went down to one of the county offices and got married there. One of my cousins got married in a park and another got married in the common area in his and his wife’s apartment complex. As far as whether my parents would have been offended if we’d gotten married in a church, I don’t think my mom would’ve cared as long as it was what we wanted.
We got married in a catholic church, full Catholic ceremony. The particular parish didnt require I be Catholic to marry. Like others have said, you pick your battles. It was a bigger deal to my wife and her family we get married that way than for me to have a godfree wedding.
Oh, and by the way - if I ever did get married, as far as I was concerned there would be two steps necessary:
a public proclamation that we’re married. Possibly at a ceremony; no officiant would be necessary, or if I had my way, present. I and my spouse are the ones who decide I’m married, not some other dude.
That gets me married in my own eyes. Then I go submit my marriage certificate to the justice of the peace, and if he wants to write himself in as the officiant that’s his problem. That gets me married in the eyes of the state, which is convenient for tax purposes but not strictly necessary - I don’t need their approoval.
Outside, by a lovely reverend who didn’t mind our atheism. We sat down with some traditional vows and carefully rewrote them to take God out of them; we like the sound of the traditional vows, but we wanted to be able to say them and mean them, which we couldn’t do if they referenced a religion we didn’t practice. The only religion at our wedding was a fairly nonreligious reading from Ecclesiastes.
Also, WRT the pick your battles thing. It should be noted that I’m not one of those “All religion is stupid and you’re an idiot if your believe” type people. If you’re religious, I really don’t care, bully for you…but I want the same respect. They say the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. That’s how I felt about getting married in a church, “meh” (as opposed to “I ‘hate’ the idea of being married in a church” if that makes sense) It’s just another hall that my friends and family could gather in. It was also free. Anywhere else I would have had to pay to rent. I think I made a $200 ‘donation’ but that was tax deductible, so call it $140 and it covered the priest.
In our case the venue, etc mattered more to my wife’s family than to us… so with a few compromises and some sleight of hand…
Married by the father of the bride (a Methodist minister) in the “crypt” under an Anglican church (crypt being a big open hall, not an actual crypt you understand). We wrote our own vows (based on the oldest version of the English book of common prayer) and avoided overt religious references.
My only serious request/requirement was “no prayers”; we compromised by having bride’s sister do a “reading” of Matthew 6:1-13.
So, did we get married in a church? Wife’s family felt so. Did we have a religious service? Ditto.
But then the whole thing was a little odd in-so-far as we were all (save a couple of elderly curmudgeons) in medieval outfits, and had a pavane as a processional, etc, etc.
My girlfriend’s Catholic. I hope she doesn’t want me to do the whole religious thing if/when we get married but if she insists then I’m a pragmatist and I’ll bite the bullet. Or wafer.
In an aquarium, by a super liberal rabbi who had no problem replacing almost every mention of “god” with “according to Jewish tradition.” I would have been fine with a secular officiant, but having a rabbi as the officiant pleased my parents and was only a little extra effort.
Similarly, there are loads of nominally Christian ministers that have no real problem with a traditional/religiously based ceremony that does not mention god. (and I don’t mean internet ministries, I mean liberal sects like the Unitarians).
I’m not really sure what’s so confusing. Believing in god and enjoying rituals are two different things.
