ARRRGGGHH. Okay, I’ve posted elsewhere on this board about my impending back surgery. It has opened the door for the Lords and Ladies of Unsolicited Advice to speak, and unknowingly piss me off. There’s a woman I know who is very kind, very generous, and very well-intended…but she is also the Queen of Know-It-All. AUGH. Here’s a condensed version of the phone conversation we had this afternoon:
Well-Meaning-Know-It-All: I’m so sorry to hear about your back!
Me: Thank you. Yeah, I can’t wait for the surgery. The pain just keeps getting worse.
WMKIA: And you’re going with the same surgeon who operated on you before? (said with :dubious: )
M: Yes. I researched him pretty thoroughly. He’s board certified, has been in neurosurgery 34 years, has no complaints, no disciplinary actions, no malpractice suits (settled, in process, or dismissed), and a friend of mine worked in the same hospital as him. She told me he had a sterling reputation as a surgeon…that other doctors and nurses found him a bit different, but had nothing but respect for him as a surgeon. That was some of the best evidence I had that the guy is good–people who work with him and see him all the time hold him in regard.
WMKIA: Yeah, well, I had an excellent surgeon [she had a similar surgery years ago]. He’s golden, lemme tell you. I’ll give you his name; you should see him…
Me: I am getting a second opinion, but from my father’s [who had a lifetime of back problems] orthopaedist. He’s a nationally recognized spine surgeon…
WMKIA: I’ll give you my doctor’s name though; you should look into it. Look at me, look at all the things I do. I’ve flown to Israel and New York [my symptoms reappeared after a cross-country flight] and I didn’t have any problems. And I carry around all this weight (she’s probably 100+lbs overweight), and I don’t have any difficulty…the pain all went away.
Me: Well, it’s really rotten luck, too, for me. I have bad back genes. Plus, I’ve read that microdiscectomies have a higher failure rate if they’re not done 3-6mos after onset of symptoms; mine was done 7mos after.
WMKIA: Mine was done a year after.
sigh
Me: Well, I have to get going. RuffLlama has another ear infection.
WMKIA: Does he need ear tubes? I know a great ear-nose-throat doctor…
:smack:
I see and deal with this woman on a nearly daily basis (well, not so much now, but DeathLlama does), and some of her words have really hurt and irritated me. She’s suggesting I had/have a bad neurosurgeon (thus my frontloading attempts to explain why I chose to stay with him), that essentially there’s no reason for my first surgery to have failed. By golly, I need to see her doc. And everything I’ve done is not as good as her advice.
What I really want to say is, “Fuck off, you insensitive, insecure harpy,” but like I said…she means well, she just has these gaps in social skills and sensitivity. What would (or wouldn’t) you say when she says things like this?