So I’ve been invited to this Seventies theme dinner party on Saturday night, and not being much of a disco bird type and being unable to grow a pornographer’s moustache even if I take my multivitamins, I’ve decided to do late-Seventies punk-shading-to-Goth.
Ideally I’d like to be Siouxsie Sioux, and wouldn’t we all, but I can’t pull it off exactly; she’s all “sexy raptor hatchet” and I have the friendly sort of face that psychologically nonstandard strangers like to talk to on the bus. “Fan of Siouxsie circa '79” is probably the best we’ll get. So, I need advice!
Is the following along the right lines?
One, keep everything plain and skinny - black sleeveless t shirt, narrow black trousers (I know flares are anathema, but can I wear jeans if they’re slim and dark? Do Goths do jeans? Probably not. I know “everyone” was in Westwood bondage pants at the time but I’m trying to do this on a budget!)
Two, accessories! Lots of bracelets? Spikes? Chains? Belts? Are fingerless gloves more Eighties? Are those armwarmer things purely a Nineties non-Goth contrivance?
Three, makeup. I think if I can replicate the Sioux eyeliner / spiky lips / massive eyebrows it’ll be obvious where I’m aiming - any tips on pulling this off? What was your average Goth manicure? I know the obvious answer is black, black, black as my bitter heart, but could you really get black polish In The Olden Days? And how do I do strong blusher without looking like an unfortunate hair metal casualty?
Four, I’m going to go round the charity shops tomorrow and see if I can find either a big mohair jumper, an old man jacket or something in mistreated leather. I’d go full-Sioux with a dinner jacket and a frontless basque but I don’t think it’s that sort of party.
Five, hair. Hair is not a problem. I’ll wax it, sleep on it, Aqua-net it like a mother and we’re good to go.
Six, shoes. I’ve never dabbled in Goth myself, but I’ve heard a lot of them bitch about their foot problems so I’ve deduced thus: Goths wear pointy shoes, right? Were there pointy shoes in the Seventies or was everyone still in Doc Martens?
So, any tips? Were you there? Do you have photos? Have you been to any rad fancy dress events yourself (Seventies or not, I’m open to sharing - for example I won a childhood fancy dress competition dressed as a clock and we can talk about that if you like). Would you just like to reminisce? Please divulge!


