How do I learn how to dress myself?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Nicely, that is.

I’m not a girly girl. I’ve never had much of an attraction to clothes, preferring to go with the casual look. I’ve been lucky that a good number of my jobs allowed me to wear jeans & shorts, or pajamas & sweatpants - at least when I worked at home. :smiley:

Now I find myself in a job where I need to dress “business casual.” Now, I know what that means, and I went out and bought myself a pile of khakis and polo shirts. But for the first time in my life, I find myself wanting a bit more. I figure that if I can’t wear my pajamas, I want to wear something that makes more of a splash than, well, khakis and polo shirts.

Problem is, I don’t even know where to begin. I go to the store, pick out some stuff that looks great on the rack, but miserable on me. It’s depressing, really - I’m far from a perfect figure, but hardly obese either. In the dressing room everything seems to emphasize my bad points! It’s bad enough dragging myself to the stores (I hate clothes shopping) but to stand there feeling fat & ugly makes it even worse!

If I lived in a bigger area, I’d hustle down to the nearest Nieman-Marcus or Saks Fifth Ave and treat myself to one of those personal shopper chicks, if they still have such a thing. Unfortunately, I’m stuck with a couple small department stores that cater to teens, senior citizens, and women who like t-shirts with teddy bears and ducks on them, and what I can find on the Web.

So, girly-girls, recommend me books, Web sites, whatever it takes to educate myself into what looks good on my body type (5’6", around a size 12, boobs, stomach, hips. Curves!) I’m not so much looking for exact recomendations on specific outfits, but more something that will teach me what looks good on me. Assume I’m clueless, at least when it comes to stuff other than jeans, t-shirts, and khakis. Like, assume I’m a guy. A clueless guy. Hell, that’s what I need - a wife to dress me!

2

I have curves! Curves are fun. One thing that I definitely found that I guess I should have known all along but no one handed me the manual either, is that -not necessarily in terms of the sizing, but in terms of the cut - if you go look at a baby-doll t-shirt as opposed to a straight up and down polo, they really flatter curves much more. Something cut like this (not shilling for LE, just an example) should flatter hips and boobs well. Picking out tops that are fitted, not tubular, boosted my wardrobe so much it’s not funny.

A few good pairs of well fitted black pants are also an office classic. I suppose they’re a bit more formal than office casual but it’s still hard to go wrong with them. You can get something a little softer and more drapey fabric-wise than khakis are.

Are you at all interested in skirts? I’m a skirt-lover just because my butt is too big to look good in pants (no, really!) but not everyone likes them. There are a lot of possible different styles that you might like though, including ones that riff off the whole khakis thing and are fairly casual but suitable for the office. Those might also give you a nice change without too much effort.

3

Y’know, we’re going to need a cite for that.

4

I would LOVE skirts. That’s actually what prompted me to post this - I bought a skirt that I really like, but so far any shirt I try on with it makes me look like a freakin’ whale. The ones made to go with the skirt hang right on my belly, creating a lot of emphasis on a place that really would rather go incognito. On the other hand, a really short top that ends right at my waist makes the skirt look really good. Unfortunately, I can’t find one in the right fabric & color. I’ve realized that I’m very short waisted. Short waist + belly + a-line skirt + long top = me looking like I weigh 20 pounds more than I do.

On the other hand, I can put on a slim skirt with a nice blouse, heels, and look eight feet tall and willowy. So that’s a GOOD look on me, but I’d rather not wear it every single frickin’ day. Plus those heels kill my feet.

I like the tops Idlewild linked to - I actually have a few - but it seems like whenever I wear them they billow open between the buttons around my boobs. Now, my husband thinks that’s a great look, but I’d rather not flash my bra to everyone at work. I have 3 of 'em that all do the same thing. Are they just bad quality, or can’t you wear those kinds of tops when you have boobs? Or am I buying the wrong size, or wearing the wrong bra? This girl stuff is confusing.

5

There’s a BBC show called What Not to Wear that AFAIK gives pretty sound advice (I’ve only seen two episodes, though). They’ve also come out with a book.

Sorry I couldn’t offer more input, but I don’t crossdress much. :cool:

6

I’m a bit heavier than you, and am a bit more pear-shaped than hourglass but I’ve found several dresses that are mostly shapeless till you put them on with a tie in the back that look good on me. Honestly, I don’t know how to describe them, but some form of them have been all over for the past several years. A couple of mine have a row of buttons down the front, the others don’t. Necklines vary (the button ones have collars, the others don’t). But I wanted to add another one to my collection if only for my own enjoyment and the ones I tried on last week made me look pear-shaped. It didn’t help that they appeared to have pockets on the hips. (Normally I love pockets- but the dress wouldn’t have looked quite so bad on me if it hadn’t had them.)

So I think the answer to your question is, you might be buying the wrong size, or you might need a different brand, or you might just not have the figure for the particular type of top you have in mind. Girl clothes are confusing.

Too tight shirts generally exaggerate my pear shape, especially if paired with baggy pants.

7

If the cloth opens between buttons, it’s too small a size. Sadly it’s not the sizing, just that the shorts aren’t meant for people with a chest.

I agree that girl clothes are confusing. For me, it doesn’t help that I have shoulders and a chest. I’m often jumping up a size to fit shirts right (this is why I’m practicing my sewing).

8

I put snaps in between the buttons on my button-down shirts to prevent the gapping. It adds a few dollars to the cost of the blouse, but it’s worth it because I can move around without worrying that everybody can see my bra. All blouses will gap a bit when you move around otherwise, but if yours are just always gapped, you might need to buy a larger size and then have it tailored down to you so that there’s enough fabric in the bust area without it being too baggy below. Another way to deal with gapping is to have a tank top under the blouse, which you can then leave unbuttoned a bit to show the contrasting color. (Of course, that may be an Orthodox Jewish girly thing to do - come to think of it, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anybody else do it. I have to keep everything below the collarbone covered, and most blouses look really prissy if you button them up that high, so my friends and I tend to wear them open a button or two over a white tank.)

I’m really short-waisted also, and short enough that no look is going to make me look eight feet tall and willowy. I wear skirts full-time for religious reasons, and as you’ve noted, a baggy top over a baggy skirt will make anybody look whale-like. I can’t tuck anything in without it looking like I pulled the waistband up to my armpits, a la Urkel, so I tend to wear fairly fitted tops (even my T-shirts are fitted) untucked. If the top is pretty fitted, it can even be longish and will look fine over an A-line skirt. Most of the long tops that are marketed in the stores you mention are probably supposed to be flowy, a look that’s only going to look good over long skirts if you’re anorexic-thin or able to carry off the hippie natural look.

Definitely try to go shopping with someone you think usually looks well put-together.

9

Yes, unfortunately for the endowed, buttoned shirts may be a distant dream. (I have heard that people are having buttoned shirts tailored to accomodate their implants, out in Hollywood, but those people may not be like you and I. Tailoring IS a possibility if you want to look at a small investment for nice fitting shirts.) However, there are some very nice professional looking knit tops available in similar cuts. These, obviously, have more stretch to stay put over the boobs. Old Navy of all places usually has some decent basic knit tops around, but I’ve seen nicer ones than those, bought a few yesterday in fact- there seem to be a lot of cute sparkly details out this season. Nothing too ostentatious though.

I think you’re right about not wearing long tops. I’ve been discovering myself that rather than trying to disguise the figure, it’s better to just go with it and accentuate it with a close but not absurd or tight fit, that works with the contours of your body. I’ve discovered this by wearing shirts that are a little shorter than I’d have chosen, because I’ve put on a bit of weight since I last wore them, and they’re looking far better sitting right there on my natural waist. Mum and I were discussing that her fitness instructor seemed to think waists fall around belly-button level but ours fall about a hand width above the belly-button, and she always had to have her clothes altered when she was a child (while being scolded for having a short waist!)

The human body is definitely amusing in its infinite variety.

10

Long, flowing skirts flatter anyone’s figure. They’re comfortable to wear to work, and qualify for “business casual.” They protect your modesty even if you have to crawl under a desk to connect a computer. You will cut an elegant figure as you walk by. They’re easy to find.

Long, flowing black lycra skirts are among the most comfortable and they look very smart.

Crinkly cotton hippie/granny skirts from India are also among the most comfortable, and are nice for more informal wear. They always look good on you.

Wraparound skirts are very chic, but not for crawling under desks or moving around much. They are excellent for leg-flash, in case you ever decide you want to flash a lot of leg! Otherwise, skip 'em.

Denim/khaki/broadcloth skirts are made in all lengths (seems like mostly either mini or maxi, not so much in between). The long ones can be either business casual or informal, and are not too bad for crawling under desks. They’re not so easy to walk in, though, thanks to the heavier fabric.

Your main issue is the blouse, hmm. Not having big boobs, I can wear any sort of top at all, including knit tops, leotards, and buttoned blouses. I don’t know what to advise you about how to attire your bosom. Maybe a reasonably loose-fitting sort of long-sleeved T-shirt. If you could find something like that in an elegant fabric.

I was with some friends the other night and had my blouse tucked into my skirt. I asked them if it looked better that way… or… I pulled the blouse out of my waistband and smoothed it down over the outside of the skirt over my hips. They said the longer lines that way went better with my style. I agree and had always been leaving my blouse outside my skirt anyway. If you want the opposite effect, then try tucking in your blouse. That will define your waistline.

11

I second watching “What Not To Wear”. We don’t get BBC America, but the TLC version is pretty good. It’s more educational to see actual, flawed human beings trying on clothes and being advised what works for their body, lifestyle, career, and colouring, as opposed to fashion magazines. Magazines seem to feature nothing but nine-foot-tall, 90-pound supermodels wearing very expensive clothes. (I’m not bitter, no.)

Sooner or later you’ll see an episode with someone in the same kind career clothes position and a similar body type as yours.

12

Get someone to go with you next time you’re shopping.
Someone with taste, someone who’ll pick something up off the rack that you wouldn’t look twice at. It doesn’t have to be a girl, it doesn’t have to be a guy. Just someone who is patient, willing to help, and who will honestly tell you YES or NO regardless of your willingness to even step out of the dressing room in it.

I don’t know what it is with some folks, but you always think you look terrible in something in the dressing room when I would gladly run you down on the street to get your number if I saw you in it (if I were single).

Sorry but I’m always shopping with my girlfriend and she thinks everything looks SO AWFUL because she’s SO FAT before I even get to see her in it, and usually wears my clothes which look downright terrible on her.

P.S. Flip flops work just as well as heels without the awkwardness

13

Funny. You sound like you’re built a lot like one of my best girlfriends, who is one of the snappiest dressers I know. She’s 5’6," very short waisted, a size 12 thru 16 depending on the designer, and she’s got massive boobs and what she not-so-fondly calls “a gut.”

But she dresses so well that all you see when you look at her is boobs, blonde hair, great style, and a beautiful smile. She gets more looks walking down the street than women half her age and half her size. (She’s 34.)

Everybody has a good feature; whatever it is that you like about yourself, even if it’s just one thing (legs, boobs, arms, hips, calves, whatever) should always be emphasized, and whatever you don’t like (everything else if you’re most women) should be de-emphasized.

For my girlfriend, it’s her boobs and her legs, in that order.

A few general tips for dressing well with this type of figure are…

Long pants. Your pants, when you’re wearing shoes, should almost hit the floor. This lengthens your silhouette. A pant that fits snugly through the waist and hips and flares slightly at the bottom (called “boot-cut” or “flare”) is flattering on just about everybody. Do not wear anything pleated–EVER–and do not wear anything baggy. Regardless of your size, a good fit is crucial to looking slim and stylish.

If you’re short-waisted, look for tops that are snug but skimming. As in, your boobs are not lost in the fabric, but the fabric isn’t so tight that it hugs any type of bulges you may want to disguise. And a top that falls below your waistline will elongate your waist. I don’t recommend ribbed knit of any kind. Crisp cotton is good; if you want to wear knit (t-shirts, etc.) wear them in dark colors and make sure they’re “girl-cut” and not hanging off you. This smoothes out and flatters your shape. And I wouldn’t ever recommend tucking in any shirt regardless of your size. It’s just dated and it doesn’t flatter anybody.

A good bra is also CRUCIAL. I don’t think enough women realize how much a bad bra can ruin a good outfit. Go to a lingerie store and get properly fitted by a professional; Victoria’s Secret does it for free and you don’t even have to buy anything, but you’ll know your size. Most women buy bras that are too small, and they get that funky “back bulge” that makes them look fat when they’re really not. If your bra leaves any kind of “mark” on your skin when you take it off, it doesn’t fit you and it isn’t flattering you. If it rides high on your back–if it’s any higher in the back than it is under your boobs in the front–it’s not the right size. And if you’re large-chested (as you say you are) I recommend a lined bra. This smoothes out your shape even further, and prevents “headlights” and any kind of bra-fabric bumps under your shirts. (I see a lot of women wearing lacy bras underneath T-shirts and it’s just not flattering. A good bra disappears.)

And like other posters have said, TAKE A FRIEND when you go shopping, and make sure it’s a friend who dresses well and will be honest with you. I have tried on a lot of clothing I never would have even looked at twice b/c of a friend’s recommendation, and I end up with a lot of flattering clothing I’d never have found on my own. Also be prepared to try on far more clothing than you’d like to; it can take all day to find a pair of simple black pants that suits you. Don’t give up and don’t be discouraged, b/c they’re out there.

And don’t get depressed in the dressing-room, either; remember, it’s not you, it’s the clothes. If something makes you look like a whale, it’s because it wasn’t designed for your figure. Repeat this to yourself over and over again. :smiley: Those fluorescent lights aren’t kind to anybody.*

14

Thanks everyone for the input.

To clarify: I’m not a EEE or anything on top. More like a solid C. That’s still big enough that anything that isn’t cut like an hourglass hangs off my boobs like a tent, making me look like my gut is bigger than it is.

I’ve already thought of bringing a friend with me. Surprisingly enough, the person I trust the most is Mr. Athena. He’s more girly than me when it comes to clothes!

Also a problem is that I’m very limited on where to shop. I love the idea of going to a lingerie store, but there isn’t one.

I guess I should think about taking off on vacation and doing some shopping. The idea fills me with dread. I know it’s most women’s dream to take off to, say, Chicago or Minneapolis on a clothes-buying trip, but it sounds horrible to me. If I’m in one of those places, I wanna go to museums & restaurants & kitchen doodad stores, NOT clothing stores!

Humph. Maybe I’ll just stay in khakis and polo shirts.

15

Not those of us who are short and dumpy, they don’t.

Think “simple simple simple.” You were right to start with a khaki skirt: they are classic and go with just about anything (a cotton Oxford shirt, a sweater—even a T-shirt dressed up with pearls).

Materials: Avoid cheap crap, go for cotton, linen (though that does wrinkle), wools, a cotton/poly blend (more cotton than poly!).

Colors: Avoid patterns, which limit your matchables. I don’t know what colors look best on you; buy ones you like, that make you happy, and you can’t go far wrong.

Tops: Cotton sweaters (Lands’ End, etc.) are great with simple straight or A-line skirts. Get either pullovers or cardigans, whichever look best with your figure and neckline.

Accessories: You can’t go wrong with a good string of pearls, and they’re not even very expensive.

16

It sounds like I have your figure. Here is what I wear:

In the winter, long straight skirts with fitted cashmere sweaters (order a size smaller than Land’s End recommends!). Add high-heel boots under the skirt and you will feel like you’re just dripping elegance. My favorite long skirts are made of knit fabric, mostly wool or a wool blend. They hug your lines but forgive flaws.

In the summer, long linen skirts either straight or a-line, the occasional really-well-fit pair of summer pants, and Old Navy perfect-fit tshirts.

In the in-between times, flared-leg dress pants, more of the long skirts, some knee-length tweed skirts, and either the tshirts with sweater cardigans over (hello Target cotton twinsets!), or very fitted cotton sweaters, or a buttondown blouse with a cotton sweater pulled over. The ribbed cotton sweater: the answer to your buttondown dreams. The shirt bulges open, nobody can see.

17

I was going to come in here and recomend them. They give advice by body type. I see many women wearing the wrong thing for their body type now and I just want to tell them what to do.

18

As a reformed tomboy (whose also short and a C cup, though I’m fairly slim right now) I have 2 recommendations:

  1. The clothes department at Target. I have actually bought some of my favorite clothes there. You definitely need to look at a lot of items before you find something that fits, but when you find it, it’s only $20 or so. They have good deals on Oxford button down shorts, tailored and with a hint of stretch so no gapping. I loves me some stretch oxford shorts. I’ve also bought some really cute skirts there, and I’m not much of a skirt wearer. BTW, they also have a lot of cute watches around $12 and some good handbags that knock off the latest styles… accessorize, baby!

  2. Lucky magazine. Basically, a fashion magazine that is 100% about buying clothes (and sometimes, makeup). No articles about how to snag a man. No inspiring stories about breast cancer survivors. No horoscopes. Just clothes and makeup/skincare on every single page. A lot of the clothes are shown without models in them. They showcase a wiiide variery of prices as well, from haute couture to really really cheap. I don’t necessarily go out and buy a closetful of clothes from each issue, but it gives me some direction in what is out there, fashion-wise. Best of all, since the magazine is essentially a long advertisement, it’s really cheap, even at the grocery store (under $2 – I think a subscription is something like $12/year).

Also, as a step towards a more fashionable you, you might consider a new hairstyle, or new glasses if you wear them.

19

I have a similar body type as well.

I generally wear straight line skirts just above the knee and fairly tailored shirts. Knit sweaters work fairly well (if you pay attention to flattering colors and necklines) and are a solid choice for the non-summer months. They come in a wide variety of styles and colors and are usually comfortable.

I also tend to wear a tank top or shell under EVERYTHING. I find that this way if I have a top that might be inclined to do the gap thing, I don’t have to stress. Or I can just button it down a little for a contrasting color.

You might also look into some fairly fitted jackets. They’re great for emphasizing a nice bustline and downplaying a tummy or waistline you don’t care for.

20

Hello Again, you’re absolutely right, sweater sets are a neat answer to the bosom-attire question. That’s what I was trying to think of.

Eve, if you could see through my eyes and I through yours… Every short, dumpy woman in a nice long skirt looked splendid to me. The long lines, the verticality are an improvement to her outline. And I saw your picture, in which you are slender and lithe as a fairytale princess.

Yes, I tend to be very forgiving of other women’s looks, forgiving to a fault, some might say. If any woman wears good quality fabrics and neatly tailored clothes, she is clearly taking care of her looks, and she earns my respect. Regardless of her figure or style. Attention to quality is the real value.