May I just add that the kid read this when I opened the thread again, and looked MOST indignant about the aspersions cast on his mobility. Then when I reminded him that he didn’t crawl out of bed until 12.30 pm today, he sheepishly admitted to his slothfulness.
Although I wouldn’t recommend trying it with your average run-of-the-mill home laundry, one method involves washing the overly-rigid pantaloons with smooth river rocks during the agitation cycle. This will tend to beat up the threads and force them into submission.
Alternatively, you could try washing the jeans several times with a pair of old worn out sneakers tossed in along with them. A warm wash with a cold rinse should help relax the fabric a bit. Some fabric softeners might assist as well, but I detest unnecessary chemicals in my clothes.
Why would you want to bleach a new pair of pants? They would look pretty uglyi fyou get spots & bleach can weaken the fabric. Try a fabric store, they should have a product you can use when you wash them. Washing alot seems to do the trick.
Apparently much modern denim is pre-softened with enzymes. According to this page about denim finishes, the enzyme commonly used is amylase, which is present in human saliva and stomach acid, and can also be bought as a commercial agent, so drool on them. The first link also mentions microsanding, using abrasive rollers, which also softens denim.
This site recommends washing them with half a cup of salt.
You could try soaking them for 48 hours in a bucket of water in which you’ve dumped half a bottle of the cheapest hair conditioner you can find (then run 'em through the laundry). I do this with scratchy wool sweaters, and it works extremely well.
Per the OP, they’re already ugly. Besides, bleach spots are currently in fashion. Just two weeks ago, I saw a woman who appeared as if she drank bleack, then started farting to make a big bleach spot centered right on her butt. She somehow thought this looked good??