One thing I see from this (besides the great advice for being calmer, its all advice I’ve had to take myself) is finding other words to use than the cusswords you WANT to use.
For the F word–Frig. Flock. Pick something silly that will almost make you laugh to say.
One that was bad for me? 'Motherf–" I learned this “Oh Motherfrog!” It is silly. Everyone knows what you mean. And no one can be offended.
Cow almost works for cunt, but not really. (Yes, I’m a woman. Yes, I will call women that in front of other women. <they are generally shocked. Then I say “well, isn’t she?” ‘Well, yes.’ There ya go.>I’ve seen The Vagina Monologues performed by transgendered people–it really is not out of bounds for me.)
I will also call other women I don’t like “a nasty old trout” which I’ve picked up from something UK.
I’ve learned to be calmer, but I have my other things to say when I just lose it.
I kinda question this. If there’s emotional buildup, isn’t it better to let it all out rather than let it build up? I mean, okay yeah, if you’re dealing with other people directly, anger is bad, but if it’s just a simple curse word to no one in particular when you stub your toe or get stuck in an automated help line, I would think it’s better to let it out.
What Sage Rat said. Your mind should not be responding with anger to situations where anger doesn’t help. You might think you have no control over how you react to any given situation, but you do. If you start realizing that there is no reason you should be getting angry when you’re getting angry, eventually you’ll stop.
However, there are situations where avoiding anger is almost impossible. An incompetent boss is one example. Then I would suggest you find a healthy outlet for your anger. Workouts are a great way of doing this.
It would probably be smart to have a healthy way to get angry while you work on not getting angry all the time.
I used to be a road rager until I got my current job. I hated the 45 minute one way commute for the first year or so and it made me grumpy. Eventually I realized to keep this job I had to do the commute and over time the road rage went away. I hardly listen to music anymore unless I’m in my car so now I enjoy my commute as I get to listen to music.
Also when things get kind of crazy I ask myself if this will matter when I’m 80 and it’s almost always no and then it stops bothering me. In fact I’m almost too laid back these days.
From what I’ve heard, the notion that it’s healthy to express your anger rather than suppressing it may be, at best, not the whole truth. A Google search brings up some support for both sides; for example, one of the first things I found was a study that concluded “The results do not support the view that suppressed anger is more detrimental to health than expressed anger but rather suggest that both modes of coping with anger may increase vulnerability to disease in men.”
I suspect the key may be that it’s better to deal with what’s causing your anger, if possible, than to just “take it.” For instance, if someone’s mistreating you or taking advantage of you, standing up to them (which may involve expressing some anger) is healthier than just swallowing your resentment and letting them continue to walk all over you.
But in cases where no one is actually wronging you, such as a stubbed toe or an unavoidable delay, getting angry is counterproductive whether you express or suppress it.
Also, I’ve read things that suggest that, while we usually think of our emotions as being expressed in our actions, it can sometimes work the other way around: if we act as though we have an emotion, it can make us feel the emotion. So acting angry (swearing, yelling, hitting something) could actually make you feel angry(er) or reinforce your feelings of anger, whereas acting calm and unbothered can cool you down inside.