The Society of Friends…i.e. Quakers…don’t have a clergy per se; their Meeting Houses hold a congregation who merely sits in silence, unless a congregant is moved by the Spirit to share something profound with everybody.
So who officiatesat a Quaker wedding?
Do they just go to the local Justice of the Peace, or is there some Quaker ceremony?
IANAF (*) but a light opera group I’m in meets in their local Quaker Hall, and its caretaker is one of our best tenors…
More or less, they have a typical Quaker religious ceremony in which the bride and groom take centre stage and exchange vows in a rather freer format than other religious ceremonies, but making the same kind of declarations. But for a legally recognised marriage, they need a civil ceremony.
() “Religious Society of Friends”, but “Quaker” has been reclaimed and, unlike "nr" or "f*t", you don’t have to be one for it to be permissible to use the expression.
I was married under the care of the Friends Meeting of Washington.
Malacandra has it pretty much, except that it is legally recognized and we didn’t have to have a civil ceremony. We had someone from the church “lead” the ceremeony (not much involved there).
We have a document on our wall stating that we were married under the care of the meeting and all who attended signed it. It looks a little like the Declaration of Independence.
An Arky, the legal position I stated was, of course, for the UK. Thanks for the clarification.
I’ve been to a Friends wedding here in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, which as a Quaker-founded colony not surprisingly has very liberal laws regarding “marriage officiants,” who can perform a ceremony legally whether representing a congregation or not.
One of the features of the Quaker wedding (aside from the rather free form vows, and the usual Meeting) is that all attendees of the ceremony are asked to sign what looks like a 17th century peace treaty, but is in fact a document stating that the community witnessed the vows and will help the couple commit to them in times of trouble.
It should be noted that any Meeting is led by a member of the congregation normally, a job I believe generally rotates. This keeps thing running smoothly. It’s a moderated forum… not unlike certain webites I’ve heard about…
Pennsylvania uses a separate license, with no officiant needed to make the marriage valid. You do not need to be a Quaker to use this procedure.
We were married in the Friends church, and had a member of our wedding committee “officiate” the service. This meant that she welcomed the guests, made a few announcements regarding the way the service would be carried out, and ensured that the ceremony ran as smoothly as possible.
The wedding committee is made up of elder members of the church who ensure that you know what you are getting into; similar to the counseling that many pastors and priests of other denominations do with their parishioners.
The service started with quiet meditation, which was uncomfortable for some guests. They weren’t used to sitting quietly for so long.
We wrote our own vows, and had them memorized. We delivered them to each other when we were comfortable, not in accordance to a specified plan.
The best part , as has already been mentioned, is the marriage certificate. We also have one hanging on the wall in the bedroom, with the signatures of all of our attendees. Waking up to this each morning really brings home the memory of that day. (OK, maybe that’s not the best part…)
The unusual part of the paperwork is that the marriage license had to be signed by the 6 members of our committee and 2 witnesses, not just the typical 2 witnesses and the priest.
Here is a link that helps describe the service: http://www.pym.org/publish/pamphlets/marriage.htm
The question has been answered, but here is a cite if you’re curious.
The Pennsylvania Yearly Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends Faith & Practice, chapter “Our Meeting Community”, subheading “Quaker Marriage Procedures” (pg 47). (PDF or html table of contents)
I’m not going to quote the whole thing because it’s long and the mods would probably spank me (although PYM would probably be happy to have it cut and pasted.) Here’s a summary, assuming just one meeting is involved:
Two people (PYM doesn’t say anything about men/women/goats/etc–The meeting may allow a couple to get married even if The Man says it’s not legal) want to get hitched. They write to the meeting “under whose care they would be married.” The meeting appoints a “clearness commitee”. Note that you go through one of these to become member as well. The commitee grills the couple. They want to make sure there aren’t any obstacles that need to be ironed out before they get married. Once you have approval, the proper paperwork has to be filled, a date set, etc.
The ceremony is very simple. There is a period of silence. The two getting married stand up and make their promises to each other. They sign the certificate, which is read to the meeting. Those who feel moved to speak do so. Usually someone is told ahead of time to decide when things are finished. When things are finished, everyone signs the contract.
So that’s my shoddy summary. I recommend reading the real deal. Note that different meetings may vary things a bit. Different Yearly Meetings may have completely different practices.
[I see on preview that much of this is now reduntant, but I’ll post it anyway.]