Which one? The laughter or the made-for-TV-movie-of-the-week plot?
I’m surprised there haven’t been any assholes in her yet suggesting that he just use her for sex and drop her when he finds someone else. (No, don’t.)
Ahem.
“in here yet…”
I ask you not to lie. Even when I knew that it was a “face-saving” lie, when I found out the truth I was still hurt worse than had the person told me the truth. And my best friend got pissed at him as well.
I recommend that you tell her this: That it just doesn’t work for you, you must have bad taste because you don’t understand why since she is a gorgeous person and should have the pick of any guy in the bar.
If your reasons are a matter of personal taste in appearance, i.e. you like blondes and she’s a brunette, you might tell her this. Be warned that if you do, you’ll meet the love of your life the next week and she’ll be almost a twin to the bartender. (If her bosom isn’t large enough for you, don’t mention that!)
If there is a personality clash, and you can phrase it in such a way as to make yourself look like a jerk, this is a good thing too.
In short, tell her the basic truth, make it sound like she’s lucky or it’s your fault, and stroke her ego. She’ll remember best what you say last, so end with a compliment.
Timing is important too. Do not make this a date, even a trip to a coffee shop. You don’t want to spend time chit-chatting beforehand, and she will want to end the conversation as soon as you have your say. The best timing is when she can choose what she wants to do afterwards, so just before or during her work hours is not a good time. The best time would be right when she gets off, or phoning her on a non-work day, if you can get her phone number.
Also, having been in your position a number of times, I have tried all of the basic methods listed above. Believe me, telling the truth is the one that will cause you the least grief in the long run.
I still feel bad about the guy I tried to avoid.
*Originally posted by moe.ron *
Anybody else also misread this at first as “Sorry to be the beaver of bad news”?
Such a beast doesn’t exist, right?
I’m on the What Euty Said bandwagon too.
Whenever I read Euty I picture him/her (???) sitting on my shoulder in a little white robe wispering it my ear. Always gold.
If it were me I would use the same people to let her know I wasn’t interested. If she’s telling people she likes you there is a decent chance that she was hoping that knowledge would get to you. So just let it get back to her that you’re flattered but not interested. It always seems kind of immature, like passing notes through a friend in homeroom, but the best way to help someone save face is to prevent the situation in which you actualy have to turn her down to her face.
Stop accepting the freebies, don’t use the wooden nickels (no need to hand 'em back to her; just don’t use them), and tell her the truth only if she raises the subject.
But if she raises the subject, tell her the most minimal version of the truth possible. Which is that she’s a terrific friend, a wonderful person, but you aren’t romantically attracted to her.
There doesn’t have to be any reason for that. Who knows why we are attracted to the people we’re attracted to, and not attracted to those we aren’t, anyway?
Apologizing for accepting the freebies as long as you have is probably not a bad idea, if the conversation gets that far. You can tell her that you were kinda slow to figure out that you might be leading her on.
Ok, assuming she’s not a troll, and that you are signal and not actively pursuing anyone, I don’t understand the problem.
That being said, if I were in your situation I would beat her to the punch. When you are at the bar sometime and she starts warming up to you say something like, “Thanks for the free beer, I’m glad that I have a friend like you” or “The dating scene is tough these days, I’m glad I have a friend like you to talk to.”
The key is to use the dreaded “F” word as often as possible.
AND IF AT ALL POSSIBLE COMPARE HER TO YOUR SISTER/MOTHER.
I can’t tell you how many times I have been crushed by a statement like, “Oh LL, I couldn’t date you a friend like you! You’re too much like my brother!”
Arrrrghhhh!!!
While you’re at it you should mention that she has a great personality and is a nice girl…
Of course in the previous post I meant single, not signal… if you are signal you might have some larger problems to address…
Pick any three venerial diseases of your choice. 
Though I can’t imagine why you’d want to say no…
Am I the only one who REALLY wants to know why the OP doesn’t want to date her?
You could always adapt the “I don’t date people from work” angle. Tell her, “I love this bar too much to risk having to leave it forever. If we date and it doesn’t work out, it would be too awkward to keep drinking here, and I can’t stand the thought of having to find another watering hole after eight years.”
Of course, the next day she could start working at another bar and show up at your house dressed only in Saran wrap, but no plan is perfect.
At the risk of being whooshed…
I’m second/third/fourth/whatevering whoever started RT FIrefly off on that idea… if you wanna stay around there and don’t want half the bar calling you a d!ck behind your back, don’t lie.
And for those who keep asking ‘but I don’t see why not…’ maybe she’s a hoe and he doesn’t want to sleep with everyone she’s been with previously? Maybe she has mental/emotional issues and it’s a known fact? Maybe she has COOTIES! Maybe she looks like his sister. Maybe she stalked the last guy she dated. Who knows?
Leave the poor guy alone 
But you see, those are exactly the kind of nitty gritty details we here at the SDMB need to satisfy our prurient…er…I mean to give him good advice.
Version 1.
“Look, I think it’s best if I’m honest with you. There’s no easy way to say this, so I apologise if it doesn’t come out quite right. I’m very flattered by your interest in me, and I hope we can become good friends. I’d like that. But that’s all I’m really able to offer right now, to you or… indeed… anyone else. I DO like you, and you ARE attractive. There’s nothing wrong with you at all. If you want for us to be friends, cool. If you wanted something more, then I felt I should just speak up now to avoid hurting your feelings further down the line. Please, tell me how you feel about this - I want to listen. It’s important we understand each other”.
Version 2.
“Sorry, but I’m real careful where I stick it”.
Both will work, but one is easier to learn.
Howdy,
Thanks for all the responses. I received some good advice. Haven’t seen her since the OP. Here are some answers/thoughts to the posts since my last reply.
I’m old enough not (39) to sleep with her just for free drinks. Been there, done that in my 20’s. It can be a good thing, but just remember - when you break up with her, she will tell every woman/bartender in that bar that you are a piece of crap. And you will get lousy service/women who already now that you are a jerk.
Plus, I usually have only 2-3 drinks then leave (I’m driving), so it’s not like I’m getting drunk for free.
Can’t/won’t find a different bar. I lived next to this one for 7 years. For my crowd, it’s THE bar. I live in a small city so there are about 20 places that serve alcohol. I hope to be stopping in to this bar in another 20-30 years. BTW, by then it will have been painted again, once.
So why don’t I want to go out/have sex with her? Well, it’s because she’s Jewish.
or fat,
or white trash
or old
or black
or overdressed
or preppy
or young
or redhead
or too thin
or a drug user
or not a drug user
or Armenian
or Catholic
or yadda, yadda, yadda.
Yeah, I know that’s not what you want to know. But why? is not relevant to the OP. And I don’t feel like getting flamed or sharing my likes/dislikes on this thread. I just don’t find her attractive. If I did, I’d ask HER out.
Sorry, if you really want to know, send me a picture and I’ll decide if you and I should go out. I’ll provide YOUR reasons.
Thanks again for all the responses. It was nice to get the ideas and it gave me help.
Whistlepig
Just have really really bad sex. That should solve the problem.
red_dragon60
“Just have really really bad sex. That should solve the problem.”
Uh, should she have the bad sex or should I have the bad sex? It’s been awhile on my part, so I’m going to be real enthusiastic.
I think red_dragon60 is suggesting that you have bad sex with her. She will leave shaking her head, never wanting to do it again. You are golden after that.
No, because then she’ll tell all the girls in the bar what a bad lay he is and he will never get any.
whistlepig - I’d send you my picture, but I already have a boyfriend. No, honest!
Well, as a fat, old, Jewish, redheaded, overdressed, preppy, drug-using Armenian, I’m offended! The only way to get me to stop hating you is to tell us why you don’t want to go out with her.
Please? Pleeeeease? With sugar on top? And a wooden nickel?
p.s. I’m not actually Armenian.