It would seem to me to be difficult if not impossible to thoroughly wipe that area with those long daggers on each finger.
How do they do it without either doing a sloppy job and missing some, or getting stink all up under those fingernails?
And obvious related question: How do they masturbate?
I’ll volunteer to research that one 
And how do they pick their noses?
And every study needs a few good assistants. You have my contact.
Wouldn’t long fingernails actually be more conducive to effective nose-picking?
Only if they plan on an accidental lobotomy.
There’s no such thing as an accidental lobotomy, only clean noses and sound minds.
Vibrator?
Since I suspect there have been very few if any published studies on this highly engrossing subject, the answer to this will necessarily depend on anecdote and speculation. I think it’s better suited for IMHO than GQ.
Colibri
General Questions
Well it’s definitely doable. I can say that for sure after watching a…‘video’…in which the actresses had like inch and a half long nails and got the job done just fine.
…ouch? She better get paid quite a lot.
Edit: Wait, no, what am I talking about?! She friggin’ frigs herself for a living. She should pay for the privilege!
Actually I think you’re thinking of a different way of masturbating than I saw. No penetration if that’s what you’re thinking.
Band name!
Why do you think they like those little dogs?
Curl your fingers onto your palm. Grip material between the second segment of your index finger and lower part of thumb. Wipe in a direction the works with the curve of the thumb nail. Apply light pressure with the backs of the fingers at around the middle knuckle area if desired.
Basically, pretend you’ve had part of your fingers amputated.
Alternatively, start off by finding a live goose…
And here I thought burqas and foot binding were cruel…
That’s one crazy form of masturbation.
All this time I just figured they wrapped some tissue around the end of the plunger handle to wipe themselves.