As a homeowner and a wife, I can assure you that not wanting a car parked in the driveway daily is indeed a real concern. I too would not want my husband’s second car parked in our driveway all the time. Cars go in the carhole; if you have too many cars, then you need to sort that out.
As for resolving impasses, what we have done so far is put it on the backburner and see if things can’t resolve with time (I want to move out of this city, he doesn’t).
We have been sucessful at discussing things and making a choice based on those discussions. Usually we arrive at some compromise which we both can live with.
In the case of something one person hates to put up with vs. something the other person desires, I have one rule of thumb: It is much worse to put up with something you hate than it is to do without something you crave. Think about it.
Although I did live with that dog inside the house for many years without complaining… guess my hubby’s spoiled.
Do you have any friends with extra parking? I’d park the minivan off-site if I could find a place.
Seconding this. Your desire for a hobby - after paying for 3 kids’ education, which is remarkable - sounds well-deserved. It could be a great opportunity for a win-win - you get the car, and help with something else to make the place look good.
Your wife’s claim sounds superficial, the protest of someone (please don’t take offense) who remembers distinct parts of their formative years lacking a certain class they have worked hard to achieve and maintain. Having a car in the driveway may conjure up a memory of how she grew up.
The best way I can explain this is that I grew up solidly upper-middle class, with all the trappings of dinner being fresh fish, steak dinners, and parents who drank wine. A friend who grew up lower-middle income…makes a fuss over serving fish with, say, browned butter, and vegetarian dishes, fiercely proud (although not to the casual observer) that this is now a staple of her life. For me, a car in the driveway means the garage is full. For her, it would mean something else entirely.
Can you articulate why? What exactly is the concern? I am just curious as I really don’t get it.
Our method is similar.
Step 1: He presents the idea as something he wants to do. I ignore the situation.
Step 2: He escalates to whining. I ask neutral questions, not revealing any opinion.
Step 3: He sulks. I say sure, fine, go ahead.
I’m a complete dishrag, it just takes me a while to suck up the whatever it is and deal with it.
ETA: We currently have several piles of boxes, some dilapidated power tools and a Door-to-Door storage container in our driveway, in addition to a very dirty car. Some of the boxes, with stuff spilling out of them, have found their way to our front porch (he’s cleaning the garage this month). I should take a picture of our lovely and gracious driveway for the OP to show his wife so she knows how very much worse the driveway situation could be.
Had a lengthy and, I think, productive phone conversation. She raised 3 objections: not thinking we had the money right now, not wanting a car in the driveway, and apparently not liking Corvairs due to her mom having owned a lemon.
Re: price, she is clearly more worried than I about the economy and our finances, and is stressed over her current search for full-time work. I told her one reason I liked this particular car, was that I thought it a very good value, and if I wait and get one I really want, I expect to pay 2-3x as much. We agreed that if she gets a job paying $X, after she has been on the job for 60 days I can spend $7K on a Vair. (Right now I am very optimistic as to her chances for 2 jobs making the target salary. We could hear good news tomorrow - or never!) Immediately after I buy my Vair, she intends to trade in her wagon and buy herself a new car.
Re: driveway parking, when she gets the job, I will be able to pay up to $Y/month for off-site parking. I told her that her original guess as to the cost of garage space was unrealistic, and she agreed to the figures I named. We are talking about moving soon - especially if she gets a job, and had discussed getting a “Vair-friendly” house. I asked if that meant a 3-car garage, because that could limit the houses available. She agreed we would not want to limit our search to 3-car garages, and said she could imagine a 2-car garage with space under a carport, along the side, or something.
Re: aversion to Vairs. I told her Nader was wrong and he never questioned the engine reliability which was a problem with her mom’s Vair. Asked if she would prefer that I spend $15k on a 72 Cutlass which would take up 1/3 more space in the garage and use 1/3 more gas. She said she thought a Vair suited me well, and she would have no objection to one parked unobtrusively in a garage bay where she could essentially ignore it.
So, on the one hand, it looks like I am not going to buy myself a sweet little car this weekend, but on the other, I think we made progress on figuring out where we each stand on this issue.
My husband and I faced an issue like this once, although a bit more consequential. We were living in Florida and debating whether to move back home to Oklahoma.
He loved his job, had lots of friends, loved being near the beach. Didn’t want to go back.
I was desperately homesick, pregnant and terrified of having a baby without family support nearby, and didn’t give a hoot for the beach.
No one was right, no one was wrong, but it was a big decision and one of us had to cave. In the end, he did, but so did I, a little. I got to come home, and he got a motorcycle! 
Sorry, I know this doesn’t really help the OP. Maybe there’s something she really wants that you’ve been hedging on? You get the car in the driveway, she gets…whatever?
Apparently it was a rare Corvair that wasn’t a lemon. In addition to the whole unsafe-at-any-speed thing which, true, had nothing to do with the car’s engine issues. Of course, since they wouldn’t go all that fast, speeds in the upper limits weren’t a problem anyway.
That is an insane amount to spend on an antique car, unless you love the car. What do you find appealing about a Corvair? I’d really like to know.
Well I can’t speak for Dinsdale but I like the car too. $2500 doesn’t sound like an insane amount to me for a car and the one he linked to in his other thread looked like it was in very good condition. Why are you so against this car? Would it be okay if it was a Mustang? Or a Vette? It wouldn’t be my first choice either (the Mustang likely would), but clearly that car has some draw for him.
I realize ‘you’ had a lemon Corvair from your post in the other thread, but you also mentioned you only spend $160 for it. Sometimes you get what you pay for. It reminds me of when I was in college, I purchased a Fiat X19 after person after person counseled me NOT to buy a Fiat. Loved that car, had it for the first five years of college and sold it for more then I paid for it.
As for the OP–well my wife and I really haven’t had an impasse yet, but we tend to head things off at the pass. The part where you mentioned she had concerns about the money issue does concern me, especially after in your other thread you mentioned she had spent 3x that amount on a violin and furniture, etc. It sounds like she is saying your decisions aren’t as good as hers to me.
But in our household we have a combined money account, but we each also have our own money, so I would never see my wife even mentioning how I choose to spend ‘my’ money. As long as the money is there for the bills, I actually wouldn’t even ask her to be perfectly honest.
Find someone in your neighbourhood greatly in need of a vehicle/second vehicle. Maybe it’s a kid attending the local community college and living at home. Maybe it’s a high school aged neighbour girl, with a part time job. Maybe a single Mom using public transit, (watch the bus stops!)
Arrange a joint ownership thing. When you need it, (moving college kids, golf dates over the summer) it’s yours. When you don’t, which seems to be the greater part of the time, the other owner drives it, gases it up, and parks it at their place. You maintain ownership, they purchase separate insurance, sign a little paper if it makes you feel better.
I think this could work for you, think about it.
Dude, rent a garage space somewhere for the winter, you aren’t going to be driving it. You can stash the van in the rental space in the summer and drive the fun car to it to get the van when you absolutely need it.
And if I can cram 2 people and ski gear for 2 into an MG [ok, the back window got unzipped so we could stick the skis through] you can certainly lug a set of golf clubs in one. Hell you could probably manage to cram yourself and a set of golf clubs into a fiat topollino…
Cars sitting on the driveway instead of in the garage does say lower class to me (not that I’m exactly upper class myself). I am extremely house and yard proud, though - it’s mine, and I look after it, and I don’t want it to look trashy. A car in the driveway is only a step or two up from cars in the front yard on blocks (in my opinion), or having to park in the driveway because your garage is too full of crap to park in there. I just don’t want to live like that.
Glad to hear your figuring things out, Dinsdale.
ETA: I just remembered where I’ve seen cars parked on the driveway instead of the garage - my oldest sister’s house, where she and her husband have a garage full of crap and a car that he doesn’t drive and won’t sell.
Used cars were cheaper then. $160 was a deal my mother made, talked down from $200. I spent about that on my next car, which was a 1962 Chevy II Nova, and it lasted years with not too many problems at all.
But even in those days, when it wasn’t an antique or classic, there were known problems with it. For instance I’d drive it into a repair shop and somebody would come out and tell me they didn’t work on those. If parts were hard to get for a 1960 model in 1970, how hard is it now? And people just didn’t want to work on them.
Sure, it would be okay if it was a Mustang. Actually, it’s okay now. I’m just curious. It’s like how I would really like a TR4, and god knows they weren’t exactly reliable, either, even brand new. I like the TR4 because I think it’s cute, and I always wanted one, even after owning a Spitfire (which was an even more dismal experience than owning the Corvair).
You have also had better luck with a Fiat than anyone I’ve ever known who had one.
True, which is probably where I am coming from. But I think the Fiat most people had issues with was the Spider. The Fiat X19 though-- I loved that car, except when I went grocery shopping! I still remember the christmas tree the first year, and I had to take the top off, and put the tree in the passenger seat. But it was the only car I actually sold for more then I paid for it, and that was five years later.
I concur. Have you considered a car cover? It makes the car look less junky and more like a collectible. Of course, it may be junky, but as long as the tires are good who will know? 
That’s probably in the neighborhood of how my wife would phrase it. Just not important to me (provided the parked car is in decent shape). Spoke with my friend, and he said he liked a car in the driveway, because it made it look like someone was home. Reasonable folk can differ on such preferences.
Hilarity - well, I guess we disagree as to the desirability of older cars, and especially Corvairs. I’m a little curious where you think you could find what kind of an older car for less than $2500. Seriously, toss up some links to the lovely old cars out there to be had for under $2500. Heck, just hop on ebay and search for pre-75 cars under $2500, and see what that will buy. If you were to look, I think you’d find $5k would be a more realistic starting point.
You’re talking with a guy who’s first car cost $700, which he sold for $300. So I know of cheap cars. And I know that I now don’t need to be quite that cheap.
It seems like just about every older car has its fans - and haters. Personally, I have little love for pony cars. Which is great for me - because they run 2-3X the cost of Corvairs! Non-turbo Corvairs are very easy to work on. I don’t know when you owned your 60, but parts are now readily available both from parted out cars and vendors. And your 60 - the first model year - was a “caveman.” Not necessarily problematic, but with its own issues.
I find them historically interesting both because their styling was extremely influential on subsequent car design, and because of Nader. But the fact remains, Nader was flat out wrong - the Falcon and Valiant were “tippier” and any suspension issues were resolved in 64. And no, Nader’s book did not kill the Corvair. The info is all out there if you are interested. Or you can simply stick to your opinion.
Mrs. Giraffe and I bump into this type of issue all the time, where we have preferences which are simply incompatible, i.e. someone is going to be unhappy. It’s never been over anything major, but we can have a surprisingly difficult time reaching compromise on stuff like this. Part of it, I think, is that we have different philosophies toward imposing our views on each other. I’m pretty easy going, so I can usually put up with stuff that wouldn’t be my first choice, whereas she’s a bit more rigid in either liking or disliking something, period. She tends to default more toward not doing something if we both don’t fully like it, whereas I tend to default more toward the person who wants to do something having priority unless the other person absolutely hates it.
So occasionally we find ourselves in situations like the OP where I want to do something, she doesn’t, and then we don’t know what to do. We don’t really have a good strategy for resolving these impasses – usually I try to probe the strength of her feelings, and as long as whatever it is won’t make her miserable, I just forge ahead and figure she’ll get over it.
Yeah, I think my wife and I kinda differ in a similar way. If she wants to do something and we have the money and it won’t hugely inconvenience me, I say go right ahead. Don’t even care to know what it costs. But then it kinda bugs me when I decide I want to do something and she wants to “discuss” why it is “a bad idea” or why we “can’t afford it.”
What is funny is that I have never encountered anyone with whom I agree more closely on the “big stuff” - from philosophy, religion, politics, child rearing, dog training, and down to most aspects of home design, decorating, and gardening. So it is kinda a shock when we end up in a knockdown dragout over something “minor.” Seems the minor things are the only things we disagree about. . .
Dude, your wife was cool with you eating a sandwich out of the toilet on a dare. The fact that she didn’t leave you over that means she gets to be the default winner of most of the little disagreements you have. Seriously, every time you disagree about something think to yourself, “But she still kisses me even though I ate a sandwich out of the toilet.” 
Yep, I feel you. I used to take it a little personally, along the lines of “I’ve gone along with the last ten things you wanted to do that I wasn’t crazy about and you can’t budge on this?” It seemed unfair / asymmetrical. It’s helped me a lot to realize that she’s being consistent, just not consistent with my approach, i.e. if I had cared about the outcome of all ten of those past things as much as she cares about this one, she wouldn’t have expected to get her way more. But the fact that I didn’t care then doesn’t obligate her to not care now.
None of which changes the impasse or outcome, but it goes a lot smoother when I don’t start out feeling like she’s being a jerk about it.
Yeah, she’s pretty awesome.
[sub]And it was in a Ziploc!! How come no one ever mentions the Ziploc?[/sub]