I’m a 34 year old male, married with 2 kids; 2 and 6 years old. I’ve been looking at minivans and drove one to the office today since I had it overnight for a demo. I’ve received non-stop shit from co-workers and I’m trying to figure out “what’s the big fucking deal?”
They’re obviously the most space and comfort for the buck when compared to SUV’s and I need as much space as possible for hauling sound equipment. Not to mention how nice it would be on family trips and general everyday hauling. I don’t go off-road and I don’t need to pull a boat.
Can someone please tell me why I must drive a more expensive 4x4 with just enough space for 4 adults and a cooler to get respect? If driving a minivan means I’m mature and family oriented, that would be true. Apparently, it means I’m a mature, family oriented PUSSY! Are my co-workers jealous of my successful family life or is there something I’m missing? I know minivans are not the prettiest rides on the road, but I can’t bring myself to buying something more expensive that wouldn’t suit my needs just to be cool.
So… FUCK OFF all you Yukon/Expedition gas-hog driving mother-fuckers! You are too cool for me!
The only way you’d qualify as a pussy for buying a minivan is because you wimped out and didn’t buy a real van. Compare prices between minivans and full size econolines and see what you end up with. Once the kids get older, they’re each going to want their own bench seat otherwise they’ll fight over space like the caged beasts they are. If you put the second bench seat into a minivan, you’ll have as much space behind the back seat as a Toyota hatchback. Why not just get the real cargo/passenger vehicle, and get a Ford Econoline E-350 with a second bench? It’ll still have a ton of cargo space, and you’ll be able to sneer at all the wusses driving along in their utility-vehicle-wannabe SUV’s.
Course, if Ford isn’t to your liking, there’s the Dodge Ram SuperMaxiClubWagon, with seating for 15! Hoo! Take out the back two benches and you’ve STILL got seating for 8! With as much cargo space as an EMPTY minivan!
I hear ya, Duck Hook. Before Mr. Scarlett got downsized, he would frequently comment about the number of giant pickups and SUVs in the employee parking lot. How the hell did these people afford them? He was at the top of the pay scale, and we live pretty frugally, but we would never lay out the bucks for one of those road hogs. Mr. Scarlett used to drive his little S-10 pickup to work, and almost every day he’d stop on the way home and pick up some lumber for our perennial remodeling projects. I bet none of those hogs never carry anything more substantial than a case of beer. Not with a 4-foot bed.
After the S-10 croaked, he took my little Aspire, the one with the 45 mpg, for his 100-mile-round-trip commute, and I stayed home (self-employed) with the minivan we bought so I could haul my weekend jewelry biz to festivals. He’s never driven a “macho” vehicle in his life.
My wife and I have had this discussion many times. We can’t understand the strong dislike of minivans. Certainly I don’t feel ant less macho for drining one. There’s plenty of room and I sit much higher on the road. Now that I’ve got a family it works better than the Acura Integra I used to drive – low, fast sporty car, but no back seat to speak of and a lot less carrying capacity. I’ve got no complaints.
I’ve never heard that one. I drive a 92 Voyager. I like it. It’s easier to manouver in traffic, easy on Gas, and seats the wife and two toddlers fine. And I’ve put about 50k miles on it since I bought it two years ago used. Runs fine.
Drive what ya want. Real men don’t care. Insecure assholes have to pump their egos driving Expeditions and whatnot.
If you are driving around in or getting out of a mini-van, you are not going to attract smiles, looks and flirts from beautiful women in tight shirts and short skirts. If that doesn’t matter to you, fine, drive away in safety and comfort. If that does bother you, than you are jealous of single people and are probably having (or will have) tensions in your marraige.
This morning when I arrived at the office, I was super pumped because I had finally found MY “all purpose” vehicle that satisfied all the various requirements of my current needs and wishes. After the 8th person gave me a crooked look about my actually WANTING to buy and drive a minivan, I began questionning the purchase. I’m not quite mature enough to deal with daily or weekly shit about my vehicle purchase, so I took it to the Dopers to see if I was alone in my despair.
Like the countless generations before me, I must shed my youthful dreams of being cool and hip and start making mature, sensible choices with my family’s best interests at heart. I’ll become like so many uncool dads, but at least my family will respect me. Fuck the rest of you!
That’s it right there. It’s all about homoeroticism. The minivan is, well, um, boxy. An SUV looks much more like a penis (uncircumsed, thanks be to JDT). Men love to touch and stroke their, er, cars. Your willingness to drive a vagina-mobile is a covert attack by you - you are subconsciously calling them gay.
For a REAL ride, go get yourself a used school bus. Now there’s space you can use! The Partridge Family had it right, man!!
Around here (big west coast city suburb), the only people I see driving huge muscular SUVs are bleached, middle-aged stay-at-home-mommies. Their husbands drive convertibles.
Seriously, stick with the minivan. Think of the fun you could have:
Get one with fake wood panelling on the sides, put a “Baby on Board” sticker in the window and tell everyone you’re being “ironic”.
Paint racing stripes on it and the words “Official Minivan of NASCAR”.
Trick it out like a low rider: lower suspension, small, wide, chrome wheels, fender flares everywhere and really freaky bright neon zenon moron krypton argon headlights…the kind that’ll crisp the retinas of every SUV driver foolish enough to get in front of you.
Or you could jack it up on huge, knobby bog tires. Splatter brown stucco all over the outside. And fog lights. Lotsa fog lights. Yeah, fog lights are cool.
Paint it up like the van from The A Team and say you’re re-living your youth.
Or don’t do anything with the outside at all. Just install a really fucking loud stereo and play it full blast all the time. It won’t matter what kind of music if it’s loud enough. They’ll all be too busy running for cover to notice that it’s a minivan making their ears implode.
Get a custom paint shop to put a mural on the side (maybe something featuring a witty commentary on SUVs).
Plaster five or six hundred Jesus Fish or Darwin Fish medallions (your choice) all over the outside. Call it “The Project”.
Get a roof rack and permanently mount a kayak up there. It won’t matter that you don’t use the thing - kayaks are so cool they cancel out all the un-cool of a minivan. Everyone will see it and think you must be some hairy-assed testosterone-squirting motherfucking mountain man. They’ll move aside in their so-called Sport Utility Vehicles (what a fucking joke) to let you by.
It’s a conveyance, fer crissakes. It doesn’t define you any more than the color of your house does. Ignore the slugs who are riding you about it. They obviously haven’t figured that out yet.
Duck Hook, buy the damn mini-van if it does what it needs to do for you! A secure male doesn’t have to prove anything. If you have to, tell 'em your kids fell in love with it. If they say you’re pussy-whipped look 'em in the eye and say “yeah, well at least I GET pussy on a regular basis”.
It’s like people who make fun of me for driving a 12 year old Festiva. Screw them! The car does everything I need a car to do. (They’re gonna get screwed this summer as gas prices go up anyway - those SUV drivers will be screaming over how much it costs to run those gas guzzlers.)
…and why is this a problem? What if I happen to be attracted to the idea of me and the town soccer moms and after school club mommies standing around, each waiting for our kids to show up, making soft little flirty eyes at each other. Hey, doesn’t mean I don’t have a life. Just means I’ve outgrown eyeballing underage children
I love my Quest. I’ll admit, when my cousin Rick bought that Alfa Romeo back when we were both 20, and he rebuilt that fucker and let me take it up Rt. 309 for a real rip? Yes, I had an erection. Yes, I felt like a man. Yes, I wished to be fulfilling all of the media-impregnated images of machismo and swainfulness that I’d heretofore not achieved. Then I got out of his car. And, got back onto my Schwinn and re-entered my pathetic two wheeler life. And, I dealt with it !!!
Did I mention I loved my Quest? Yes? Good. It drives like a car, NOT like a dangerously unstable full sized van ( so ** Ethelrist**, you can kiss mein touchas :)) . Owning a mini-van means that I can quickly and relatively easily shift from having only one seat in the van- a seat that is flipped vertical and rolled forwards behind my seat, allowing me to load in 11 large Anvil type shipping cases, all the way to having two benches in and taking the Wifestrocity and the kids AND their friends to see “Spy Kids”. I can park in indoor parking garages ( a must in NYC or any other large city with a dearth of outdoor garages ).
The vehicle handles high wind extremely well. Full size vans by design have a higher specific center of gravity. They are therefore less stable. They also ride like shit. So, on that long ride to Pittsburgh every year, my daughter would be…vomiting nonstop from the severe vibrations? Yes? Yes. Thought so.
I’ve loaded the Quest up with equipment to the point where I thought I was going to severely tax both the suspension AND transmission in my van. I could SEE the thing “settle down” a bit. Obviously ( at least with a 6 cylinder Quest) it’s got more spunk than is usually called for.
I know I sort of took this in a direction away from the whole " You’re a mini-van driving wimpoid" here. Please. As Chevy Chase said so eloquently all those years ago on “Saturday Night Live”,
.
Do you REALLY give a rat’s ass what someone else thinks about your choice of vehicle?? I’m 6’ 2" tall. I HATE small cars. Has nothing to do with macho or size or anything else. I feel safer and more SANE and more comfortable in a larger car. * And * , I’ve got a very small penis. Am I compensating? God, I hope not. They don’t MAKE mini-vans big enough for that :eek:
YOU DRIVE A 12 YEAR OLD FESTIVA??? ** BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**
** Removing Hat of Hypocrisy**, leaping naked through Ford dealership’s showroom, laughing hysterically and making fun of the new Ford’s with Broomstick in tow.
Hey, sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you don’t.
Don’t listen to them, Broomstick! My 1990 Festiva was the best car I’ve ever driven, and it still runs great.
Sure, they laughed, they pointed, they made wisecracks. Right up until they had to try and park their Land Cruisers in the middle of Harvard Square. They weren’t laughing after that.
Not that this matters to me, but a cutie in a Mazda MPV checked me out yesterday.
Once I take this leap, how long will it be before I start wearing dark dress socks and shorts pulled up to my sternum while doing yardwork?
For the record, if an SUV meets your needs and/or desires, more power to you. If you bought it just because you think it’s macho and believe minivans are just for geeks and soccermoms, you have my pity.
No, Tom…you don’t get it. YOU have the problem with the minivan. You are spending some sort of time concerning yourself with it. Ironically, the minivan will never make you less of a man, but leaning on others to tell you that buying a minivan means your are great is not helping your cause. BUT, I see your point. However, Let’s not have this break down into a “I don’t drive a sports car or SUV, so tell me I still have testes” thread.
You are right, more or less.
I drive a four door Jetta to work everday, and my wife sits in the back, sort of like Miss Daisy, with my 11 month old son. I drive this car for economy and it has just enough space. I drive about 45 minutes to and fro’, and I drop off my wife and son on the way.
I am the coolest guy around. I didn’t shed anything when I gave up my Mustang GT and started carrying around my wife and son. I brought my son to the office, and I loved and squeezed him to death in front of everybody. I drive with my wife in the back seat of the car! I love it. When we have three kids, I’m sure it’ll be a minivan that I’ll need. When I come into work, no one will say anything derogatory about it. Do you know why? Because I am the coolest guy that they know.
I was always a supremely confident person anyway. What dufus could possibly have an opinion about me not being a man? People in SUVs aren’t losers, people in minivans aren’t losers and people in four door sedans with their wives in back aren’t losers by virtue of their automobile.
Ignoring the ignorant dopes and acting in the most supremely confident way sends the clearest message.
Philster could have said it a little less abrasively the first time, but he’s right–mini-vans can be cool, if the owner is cool. Ah, I feel a youth re-living anecdote coming on…
Shortly after I got out of college, my folks decided to ditch the old Toyota Van Wagon. I snapped it up with scarcely an afterthought. Practically from the moment I got the thing back to my place my friends and roommates started giving me a bunch of shit about it. I just smiled.
Not too much later, a lot of us went camping. Only a few of my non-driving pals elected to come along in the van. Once we were on the road, I fired up a spliff, cranked up the Slayer, opened the largest production sunroof ever made to that date, handed a bb gun to one of the guys in the back seat and whipped out ice cold beers from the refrigerated cooler. And away we rolled.
That night, I piled seven gibbering, LSD-addled people into the van and we went on a lights-out one-mile an hour Mars-rover excursion through a giant red shale pit. Later, as we all stared groggily into the fire, someone asked me where I had put up my tent. I casually stumbled over to the van, opened the sliding door, and folded the back seats into a full length bed. When I decided to entertain a guest, I drove my tent to another location for purposes of privacy.
After that weekend, all criticism of the Boonie Bus ended, and when someone did start to give me shit, there was always someone else around to say, “naw, dude, that goofy thing fuckin’ rocks!”
Seriously, cars never did much for me, but unless you’re so totally self-confident, it’s hard not to question your judgment a little bit when your co-workers start giving you the standard BS about whatever you’re doing that’s a little bit different from them. They call it peer pressure, and it works. Advertising’s just another form of it.
That is one of the central pleasures I’ve learned growing up and growing old, is that I’m giving myself the freedom to do what pleases me and what’s good for my family. What anybody else thinks just doesn’t enter into it. It not even worth the effort flipping them off.
And when some asshole gives me a hard time about how uncool, unhip, and unexciting my vehicle is, I whip out the pictures of me flying airplanes, which will beat their four-wheeler ground-pounder any day. Off-road? Hell, try off-planet. Now that’s cool!
