There is someone i have alot of run ins with and i need to prove my point to them because they have some authority over me and likes to start arguments with me. for my own reasons im not naming this person, the arguments, or the relationship. Problem is this person argues from an emotional standpoint and not an intellectual standpoint.
perhaps that sounds like an insult but its not. Alot of political partisans argue from an emotional standpoint (as an example) and if you address them with facts that disprove the beliefs they have an emotional investment in all they do is lose their temper because their emotions are being harmed from what i’ve seen. So i know i can’t use facts to prove this person wrong from watching other people try using facts to argue with someone who uses emotions and from my own personal experience of watching this person do nothing but lose their temper when proven wrong. all this will do is make the person more defensive and will not prevent them from starting arguments with me. If anything it will make them more combattive.
So what can i do? Do i address where the emotions are coming from? Do i try to have a non-heated discussion about why they have the emotions they do?
If it’s beating them down, you’re screwed. The best you can do is present your case, and accept that they don’t get it.
If it’s making them happy (i.e. they are your wife or boss or such), then let them win unless it’s something important. However, you may ask yourself why you choose to have a wife or boss who enjoys starting arguments with you, doesn’t argue them rationally, and throws a fit when they are out-logiced.
If it’s influencing them to change their mind, then make the logical case, but also understand why they hold the emotion they do, and point out the emotion on the other side. If their value system is about how someone feels, then point out to them how the other side feels.
my goal is to get them to lay off me. Since this person has authority over me i’m afraid they can do something to hurt me if they continue to believe what they believe, so i need to get them to see things my way a little better but as i’ve said since they argue based on emotions pointing out ‘why you’re wrong’ will most likely just backfire. Maybe in the long run using logic is the way to go but in the short run it will just make my situation worse.
i think addressing their emotions is a good bet, but dont know how to go about it. Maybe asking them probing questions like ‘waht would you like to have happen’ or ‘what would make you not feel this way’ or something would help a bit.
Okay, so…you can’t use logic against this person, proving him wrong makes him angry, and he has the power and will to do bad things to you?
Arguing with this person is going to be pointless and counterproductive. If you can’t get him to look at things logically, you can’t really argue with him. Refuse to discuss these hot-button issues.
If you insist on arguing (and I recommend that you do not unless you are prepared for the worst this person can do to you. Really) tell us something about your discussions, so we can give you more specific advice.
Well, you’ve moved this from “annoying work minutae” to “big fucking deal.” Give us the straight dope. WTF is going on, how are you being hassled. If need be, give specifics. If you are afraid to give specifics, email me. Argumentatively, I have done some things that have made me almost shit my pants in astonishment. Work-related, my sister is an HR professional and if I can find out how to help I’ll ask her what I can do.