my son skipped the “terrible twos” until he turned 3 yrs old, which was nearly 3 wks ago… he pushes the envelope, and I usually consider this all appropriate for his age (testing the boundaries, independence). HOWEVER, when it gets too outrageous, I think about the things that he loves and warn him (with a firm tone) that those toys will spend the day in the garage as punishment; or places he loves to visit–as a consequence, we don’t and I let him know why we’re not… this works most times. I have to admit, though, that on Thanksgiving evening he was reading me the riot act in the presence of others, and I repeatedly told him to stop, and this while stressing out in the kitchen amongst others wanting this or that and telling me, “oh! he shouldn’t talk like that to you!” (<-- from parentless people, no less), and THAT got the better of me so I picked my son up and took him into the next room and patted him twice on his behind (barely any force at all), and not to cause him too much discomfort, instead he got quiet and seemed confused, “why did you do that, mommy?” and I felt nauseous because I know that it wasn’t my son’s behavior alone that caused me to pat him (a sort of spanking)–it was the parentless faces in the other room provoking me to do something immediately about his behavior… shame shame on me! I reminded myself afterwards that I SHOULD have considered the chaos of the evening with too much family in a small place and how at times, I felt a little tensed… so quite possibly my son felt the same, coupled by the fact that I couldn’t give him any attention while cooking, serving, cleaning, serving more, cleaning again, etc.
I know we have to consider their maturity level when having discussions with them about appropriate and inappropriate behavior, with my son, he’s a little precocious and can grasp quite a bit for his age, nevertheless, he has his moments and it’s NOT up to my son to consider the appropriateness of his behavior–it’s up to me, and unless he’s burning down a house, causing injury to an animal or a person, I’ll keep things in perspective and continue with strategies that “most” often work–no spanking.