Scenario:
You take your kid and a few young teen friends to the mall. You browse through a high end store where the kids show some interest in a few items, but nobody buys anything. Later at home you notice the kids admiring an item from the store. Questions ensue and your kid breaks down crying and admits taking the item from the store.
Has this ever happened to you? How did you handle it? Did you think of a better way later?
Well, if you’re living in ancient Sparta, you punish him for getting caught, by you.
Take it back to the store, leave it back on the shelf inconspicuously, and give your kid HELL for it after the fact. At least that’s what I’d do.
The store manager/cops caught me before my parents did. They [my parents] made me go and apologize to the manager. But they only reason they did that is because they felt that I would get leniency from the judge. I had done A LOT of shop lifting before that, all small stuff, but a lot of it none the less. Never did it again after that. Never wanted to get arrested again, and never wanted to be so embarrassed again.
I wouldn’t say try and bring the object back and act like it never happened. ISTM that would make it okay in the kids mind…you can steal as long as you don’t get caught, and if you do get caught there’s an easy fix. I would vote for make the kid take it back and talk to the manager, if the kid is a minor and this is something small, I’m guessing the worst that’ll happen is a verbal thrashing from the manager or a free ride in a cop car and a small ticket for “Retail theft”. Most likely the manager will be just as uncomfortable, take the object back and send the kid on his way.
ETA, if the kid is over 18 and this was something pricey, I would deal with it on my own and not take the gamble of the kid getting arrested.
I stole a comic book once and my dad beat me, made me go down to the store, pay for the comic book and apologize for stealing it, then he beat me again when I got back. Then he told me how disappointed he was. It was pretty effective.
Yeah, I’d be marching his little ass down to the store tout suite. I’d also strongly encourage him to reconsider those friendships, although as he’s 17, I wouldn’t go so far as to outright forbid them.
I’d make him take the item back and apologize to the manager. He’s not going to learn not to do it if you make it so he can get away with it.
Make him go back and confess, and whatever happens, happens.
After all, I taught mine to know better than to steal; to do so shows that they hold me in contempt, or at the very least feel they can disregard me. Let 'em see how the storeowner/cops feel about it.
A girl I was sleeping with about two months ago was shopping with her mom and her sister when her sis was caught shoplifting makeup, about fifty dollars worth (I don’t know if it was a small amount of expensive stuff or a shit load of cheap stuff). She got 30 hours of community service (I think) and her mom had to pay a fine of $200. So sending the kid back and saying “let’s see how they feel about the COPS!” isn’t wise, considering it’s going to be your ass on the line when it’s time to pay fines.
I’d take the items and find a way to punish the child on my own.
My parents would’ve done the same as her, except they would have made me paid the fine. I would do the same if I ever had kids. (which I never will)
And I would have had my ass beat as well. Then again, they raised me better than to be a shoplifter. (No offense intended to any parents with shoplifting kids, but it wouldn’t have ever crossed my mind to do such a thing)
I’m curious. Those of you for whom shoplifting never crossed your mind, how do you know what you’re parents would have done? I honestly don’t know how they would have handled it, and I didn’t want to find out. Stealing was taught to me as something that is wrong, not something that is wrong because I’m going to be punished.
I will admit I can’t imagine being spanked at age 17. You’re practically an adult then, and need adult punishments. I mean, by that time, a spanking was nothing. It would have had to be up to abusive levels to be a deterrent.
The OP said early teen, so I was thinking 13ish. My dad would totally still have spanked me then and that would have been a huge deterrent. At the time he was close to 1 foot taller and outweighed me by nearly 200 pounds, I wasn’t abused with spanking by any means, but it certainly left an impression.
Not if the 200 $ are deduced from future pocket money.
The shop doesn’t need to know. If shoplifting was that big a problem in that store, the items would have been security tagged. It’s not like the kid got a bundle of items, intending to make a quick profit. Ask him why he nicked it. Sounds to me like it was just done to impress his mates, rather than because he really, really, wanted that item.
I’d guess that half of teens shoplift. I work administering Youth Diversion, which is for teens who’ve gotten caught shoplifting. In my city, when a store catches a teen stealing, the store fines the parents $200 over the cost of the stolen items, and the teen is trespassed from the store for a year. Then, if the store calls the police, the parents are charged a diversion fee of around $250 (unless they are low-income). In some cities it’s less, some more. The teen would be assigned between 8 to 12 hours of community service over a period of 4 weeks (8 hrs for younger teens, more for older). Sometimes we have them write a letter of apology, too. 90% of them never re-offend after all this.
Ideally, you would march your kid in to the store and have him/her return it and apologize. This seems to be the most effective method. The humiliation is very effective. But, frankly, I’d call anonymously and find out what will happen first. $450 is a big pile of money to pay, and it’s your pocket it’s coming out of, even if you have your kid work it off. If the store agrees to not pursue, then you could do this. If not, you could make your kid mail it back with a letter of apology, and then assign your own punishment (grounding, volunteer hours, chores, etc.)
Or, alternatively, you tell him he is on unofficial probation, and the next wrong-doing will result in serious consequences that he will definitely not find enjoyable, and are likely to make him the butt of the school’s jokes for the rest of his student career.
I recall years ago reading some celebrity’s account of being caught shoplifting by his father. His father locked him in the garden shed for a day, only dropping by to give him meals and drinks. After he explained (roughly), “If you are going to be a thief you may as well learn what the lifestyle is like now. Part of it involves jail.” He said he never took a thing again.
Are you going to tell us what the item he stole was? Some of us may want to place orders! 
Yes, i beat him senseless and forced him into hard labor for days and days and days.
Callous he became. One day he was stronger than I had hoped he would become. He came after me, killed me and took my wife, his mother, for himself to do as he pleases.
This was the way of things in those times. Satyrs plagued the forests, and sirens called your name on the sea. A prophet was born, in a place tattered and torn, and they all went to Galilee.
Chop one finger off him and if he does it again chop the right hand.
That should stop it.