Now you’ve got me worried that I know some really gross people…
We tried to ignore the dog and push it off the bed. One time we were having a great time and I was on the downstroke, so to speak, when I felt a cold wet nose in my butt. Needless to say I was a little surprised and completed the motion but into the wrong orifice. My wife was not amused. She simultaneously attempted to climb backwards up the bed while pushing me away. She slammed her head against the headboard. I, on the other hand, was unceremoniously shoved over the footboard, bouncing off the hope chest that sits at the foot of our bed, bashed my head on the floor and completed my backwards somersault by attempting to impale my protruding parts through the carpeting. The dog apparently thought this was a great game to play so he started running back and forth across my naked ass barking at the top of his lungs. The kids, of course, woke up and wanted to know what all the racket was about. I told them I had tripped. My wife was trying to stifle her giggles while rubbing her sore head and violated tush and I was cupping my mangled manhood.
The next time, we made sure the dog was on the floor. He was angry that we wouldn’t let him join in the fun game anymore, so he peed on my underwear that were laying on the floor next to the bed.
Now I lock him out of the bedroom.
I have also learned that some cats consider any vertical pole to be scratching posts. One girlfriend had paused in her hands on ministrations to find a condom. When she turned away her cute little tabby decided that her claws needed a little sharpening and my privates were the perfect surface to use. She clamped on and would not let go no matter how hard I pulled. I finally managed to pry those spikes out of my tenderized genitals and threw her away from me. My girlfriend was more concerned about the condition of the cat than of me. I never saw her again. Good riddance.
This is one of those times when the English language needs better clause demarcation.
Things on this board have changed indeed. It wasn’t that long ago that an OP like this would have dozens of volunteers to provide experimental evidence as to the best solution. Too bad I’m married.
Having four dogs to go with the five kids, perhaps I have some wisdom. The clear solution was to train the dog not to sleep on the bed, at least when you are in it, as a puppy. None of our dogs have bed privileges on any bed. In fact, our dogs do not sleep in our bedroom; they are all sleep in the kids’ bedrooms. You can still do this, it is just harder, and you’ll have some sleepless nights until he gets the idea.
Otherwise, find a real dog lover for whom access to your particular boobies overcomes any reticence to your dog’s presence.
Of course, I do meet those criteria. However, it would purely be in the interest of science. Purely.
And they say that people in long term relationships forget how to do romance.
Yeah, that did wonders for that Pandora chick.
I had before, it turns out I had opened it on its second page and it had a quote and a response and I didn’t pursue it further. But yes, right after I posted, I went on the hunt for more and found them and they were pretty self-evident. Maybe I should have done that BEFORE posting. Live and learn, they say.
Well, as a matter purely of scientific interest, access to MY particular boobies does help to overcome resistance of any kind.
They’re real, and they’re SPECTACULAR [/Terry Hatcher]