I have a friend who has a miniature schauzer named Schnapps, a great favorite of mine amongst friends’ pets. While discussing said adorable puppy recently, it came up that Schnapps positively HATES it when friend and her hubby make love and Schnapps is not able to effectively escape the room beforehand…this of course happens when the pup is shut in the bedroom with them at night, sleeping at the foot of their bed which is her most preferred place to sleep in the universe. But if the OTHER bed occupants are feeling amorous, Schnapps will sit up immediately, move as far to one corner of the bed as possible while still being known to be actually “on the bed”, and turn her back on them. She makes no other noise, will not go so far as to hop OFF the bed, but snubs them mightily throughout, and in fact for some minutes afterwards as well, until she feels all is right with the universe again. My friends says the look on Schapps’ mug, when she deigns to look at either of them, is one of pure derision.
This paints quite the amusing picture in my mind (schnauzers seem to have such expressive faces anyway), so I was hoping others of you had tales of the evil perpetrated on a dog or cat of your acquaintance, during “people sex”.
Ex-b/f’s HUGE golden lab mix would circle the bed from side to side if we were foolish enough to forget about his attendence in the room while we were feeling romantic, and that was decidedly annoying, as he could shift the bed halfway across the floor with one swipe of his enormous body. Believe me, Huge Lab was locked out of the room well beforehand after only a couple of times of forgetting about him!
So how have YOU ruined a pet for life?
AND—do you suppose it DOES damage pet psyche in some way? Or is that only in the movies?
A former GF had the problem that she couldn’t get off. She never had. And oh dear, how I tried. But she was convinced that all she needed was a vibrator. After hemming and hawing for about a year, she let me buy her one.
So one night she decided to try it. And she tried so hard to reach that unknown place. But at one point, she looked up to find me and both of her cats staring at her intently.
My wife and I forgot that our Bichon was in the bedroom with us. I’m on top, we are totally into it when the dog stuck his nose between my ass cheeks. This happened right as I was readjusting the “angle of entry” and the sensation of cold, wet canine schnozz in my butt was enough to make me jump forward. My angle was off and I attempted entry into what is normally an exit, something my wife refuses to even contemplate. This made my wife scream and scoot backwards away from me. She smashed her head into the headboard.
So I’m yelling, my wife is screaming, the dog is barking. Then we hear our kids on the other side of the bedroom door asking us what all the noise was about. I thought fast and told them that I tripped over the dog and landed on Mommy.
After that, the dog is always evicted before things get too amorous.
I won’t have sex if the dogs are in the room. I dunno why-- just the idea of their little eyes staring at us . . . 'Twould totally kill the mood.
My dogs hover outside the bedroom door. After it’s opened, they wag their tails furiously and want to sniff. I imagine they must roll their eyes when the bedroom door shuts:
“They must be doing something wrong. They’ve been doing it for years and haven’t had any puppies yet!”
Our cats generally just move to the foot of the bed until the gymnastics are through. Although…there was the time that Havoc decided to jump onto my back in the middle of things. Really threw off my timing, and the wife just cracked up. Was hard to get back in the mood after that.
For a while, we weren’t even sure if the ferrets really noticed that anthing unusual was going on. They’re normally not up on the bed anyway, and they do sleep pretty soundly. But then one evening, we both happened to look over and see Sassy lying flat on the floor, looking up at us with this long-suffering, “oh god, they’re doing THAT again” expression. We totally lost it and weren’t able to stop laughing and continue until I grabbed one corner of the blanket she was lying on and moved it to cover her head.
Aw, Sassy’s adorable. Our ferrets are in a large cage when we’re not monitoring their play outside of it, and that cage isn’t in our bedroom, so we haven’t been traumatizing them - well, not in this manner at least.
Most of my cats just avoid the bed, but Pi seems to want to join in since he always gets very affectionate and starts rubbing against me or my boyfriend. The boyfriend usually shoves him off the bed until he gets the message that we’re not having a 3-way.
There was one guy I hooked up with on occasion back in my wild and free days. One time, we were enjoying “gymnastics”, and the guy says “yeah, you’re a good boy”.
I think it’s some kinda sex talk - then I look and see him petting his DOG while we’re screwing. :smack:
One weekend, my roommates were out of town, so I was being lax about things like wearing clothes and closing doors. I was on my bed, getting busy with myself, and things were getting pretty intense when I happened to open my eyes. And found myself staring into the eyes of my roommates’ two black male cats, who were perched on the footboard of the bed with looks of wide-eyed fascination. :eek: :eek: (like that, but kittier)
At least the cat had the decency not to jump onto the bed till it was all over. Let me tell you, though, there is nothing weirder than a fuzzy brush-up against your feet when you don’t expect there to be a cat in the room with you!
Why yes, I have…but it was truly my friend’s story of her schnauzer that made me think of this. Now that you mention it, you don’t suppose allowing your pet to get into your Starbucks double espresso and THEN watch you get it on would have any lasting effects on the pet’s psyche, do you?
Bolding mine—so I am picturing that you were holding both cats, one in each arm? All three of you gawking avidly? That’d sure put me off MY masturbation.
Naw.
But I can’t help wondering how SHE’D tell this story…
A while back, I lived with two house-mates. They has a lot of animals: 15 cats (on including my 1.75), 4 dogs, 3 turtles, 2 tanks of fish and 1 very nervous hamster.
A friend of HM#1 brought her a cat that was very, very pregnant. Since my bedroom was the only one that was clean enough to be “kitten safe” I agreed to let the little rascles be born and reared in my room.
Things were fine. Four wonderful, avacado shaped kitties came into the world without any complications. They grew into very playful kittens.
One night, I was away at Mouse_Spouse to be’s apartment. HM#2 heard a strange buzzing noise coming from my room. He opened the door and saw my vibrator vibing away in the middle of the floor with the kittens and mom taking swats at it! :eek: :smack: (According to him, mom looked really freaked. The kittens were just curious and wanted to play.)
My friends have never, ever let me live this down. Especially since Mouse_Spouse kept one the the valiant vibrator fighters.
Our ferrets are in a large cage when we’re not monitoring their play outside of it, and that cage isn’t in our bedroom, so we haven’t been traumatizing them - well, not in this manner at least.
