Once I was at a bar with a bunch of people - mostly friends, but one guy who was a friend of a friend and I didn’t know very well. The bartender accidentally spilled a drink on his lap. He was really really pissed - to the point where he just couldn’t let it go. The girl apologized profusely, comped him his drink, offered to dry his pants with a hair dryer, etc., but he was furious and kept saying things like “Stop asking me if I’m okay - I’m NOT OKAY” and “What the hell is WRONG with you?” - over an hour after the incident. I felt bad for him, because it was the middle of winter and having to go out into the cold with wet pants would be pretty shitty (although we stayed long enough that his pants dried before we had to leave). But I also felt that he was being a bit of a dick about it.
Another story: today I was on the bus and some lady stepped on my bare foot (I was wearing sandals) with her high heel. It was painful enough to make my eyes water. I stumbled away, cursing under my breath, and accidentally bumped my bag into the back of another girl’s head (she was sitting down). I doubt it hurt her (I was carrying a soft bag with nothing heavy in it) but the girl clutched her hair and whipped around to give me the bitchiest look, even after I apologized. I had an overwhelmingly irrational urge to punch her in the face (it’s funny how unexpected pain fills you with rage).
People make mistakes as do I. If somebody screws up but genuinely apoligizes then that’s the end of it. With most people I’ll try to make a small joke just to set their mind at ease that no harm is done.
As for people that can’t let things go, they’re just not any fun to be around. Frankly, if one of my friends acted the way your acquantince did we’d never go drinking together again. I really don’t like being around people like him.
It’s an unfortunate trait of mine that I do not usually confront those who annoy me. Therefore when little things happen that are nobody’s fault, I really let loose. Stupid stuff like TV shows being labeled wrong in their descriptions can set me off cursing like a maniac. Dropping stuff, forgetting stuff, little things like that. It’s not just the cursing. It’s also the voice I use to do it. It’s a gutteral roar from the diaphram that sounds really scary and crazy.
But some guy once called me an asshole to my face, and I talked all cool and calm until I rose with my dignity and left.
I can only scream at things that won’t get their feelings hurt.
It is, isn’t it? It’s like you’re looking for someone to blame and want to just lash out at the next person who slightly irritates you.
Sorry, foot.
I get a little bent out of shape, then let it go fairly quickly. I’m more likely to bitch and complain to my husband for a bit longer than I maybe should.
I think my tolerance is weakening with age. I used to confine myself to glaring at drivers that pissed me off, but the other day I almost got run over by a bitch on her cellphone and before I knew it I’d given her the finger.
Like many of y’all, though, I find it difficult to confront people face to face. I usually go home and rail at my poor boyfriend instead, like Cat Whisperer.
Also, my foot has a bruise now. Honestly they should ban high heels from public transport.
I was sitting in a crowded bar drinking with friends after work, telling them some story or other. A guy carrying several drinks was weaving through the seats near me when I spotted him stumble. It was obvious that he was about to spill lots of beer over me and there was no way to avoid it. So I just sat there and kept telling the story as it happened. My friends thought it was very cool. The stumbler was grateful that I shrugged off the whole incident and, other than having to wash my shirt on the wash basin, no harm was done.
After a minor car accident a while ago I ended up arguing with the other driver. He kept insisting that I was responsible when clearly the accident was his fault. In frustration I started yelling at him. He didn’t speak very good English and it became worse with my yelling. He looked so uneasy that I immediately felt like a complete dick. I calmed him down (after first calming me down I guess) got his wallet off him and found his brother’s phone number. I rang his brother and bought us both a coffee while we waited for his brother to come and sort it out. So even if you do act like a dick you don’t have to play the part right to the final curtain.
Unfortunately little things send me into a flying rage. Especially when I am overtired and on my way to work and something goes wrong like there is no bread left for a sandwich or something. Seriously I got in a large arguement at 120 this afternoon over no bread and my husband is packing the tupperware I like to bring my lunch in.
I feel like such a jerk sometimes but I can absolutely lose it over something small and stupid. I know it is because I keep a lot of shit corked inside. I am not proud, in fact I already have plans to work on this soon, because my dad was like this, and I dont want my son to be like this too.
Big things bring out the compassionate problem solver in me.
A little story from the opposite end of the spectrum:
I was at a high school class reunion. A classmate’s husband accidentally spilled a drink on me. He immediately apologized, and I laughed it off.
A while later, he apologized again. A while later, he apologized again. As the night wore on, the drunker he got, the more apologetic he got. (Frankly, the apologies got to be far more annoying than the spilled drink had ever been.)
At one point, he said he was afraid I would beat him up. (That was pretty funny. I was a pencil-neck geek in high school. I have put on a few pounds since then, but none of it is muscle.)
I am a vicious unforgiving asshole when someone *intentionally *causes risk or harm to me (or family). I will spend years ensuring appropriate revenge when the situation warrants it.
But…
When it’s an accident? The type where human imperfections cause otherwise well-intentioned events to go awry? No problem at all. It doesn’t even cause an emotional response. People make mistakes and it’s something we have to live with.
A few real-life events (some I’ve posted about on this board already):
Waitress spills a drink/plate in my lap. Laugh it off, and try to assure her everything’s OK. Increase the tip since she’s having a rough day.
Waitress at pizza place trips and dumps my kid’s birthday cake in the floor. We spend some time consoling her, and assuring that the kids found this *far *more amusing than eating it. Dash out and grab another at Wallieworld.
Harried Mom returning from late workday runs into my truck? After deciding the poor woman was desperate, I grabbed my tools and managed to get her car running again (rebent some metal around wheels, and reset the fuel shutoff). She was distraught and sobbing, but at least her car worked when we parted. I fixed my bumper with a come-along later.
4-time DUI offender hits my truck after a night of heavy drinking. After a few years and a few lawyers, he’s forced into homelessness. This is an appropriate response to a deliberate harmful act.
Proverbial little-old-lady loses control of shopping cart, and it plunges down the hill and into my car. Just chuckle about it and help the poor woman load her groceries. Paint isn’t that important.
Greedy landlord attempts to keep my deposit after I move out of his house*. Again with the lawyers. After being served with the papers about the lawsuit I’m filing (punitive, plus 4 times the deposit, plus legal fees), dipshit discovers he didn’t read his own rental contract. Later he’s almost begging us to drop it, and offering cash to buy us off before he loses his ass in court. Fun times.
Redneck asswipe unties my boat from the dock because he thinks it’s “his” place to tie up. (I was on vacation at the resort and had been instructed by the mgmt to moor there). I returned to find my boat drifting away and the mouth-breather standing by his pontoon boat claiming that spot belong to him (it didn’t). What happened was a shame really. During the night someone must’ve dove into the water and ran multiple chains around his pontoons, and locked them all to the pilings. It must’ve taken many hours to saw thru them underwater. Gosh, that must’ve sucked
*It was in perfect shape. I had video of the entire place after moveout. I’ve never lost a deposit in my life and wasn’t about to break that streak.
For several years now, I’ve been making a point of cursing wildly whenever I do something idiotic or someone does something idiotic to me. However, instead of cursing to express anger “This is fucking bullshit!” or “Jesus fucking Christ, I can’t believe this shit!”, I curse in an attempt to make myself laugh. “Penile farts!” or “Breast pumps!” or “Shitsuckers anonymous!”, for example. If it’s directed at someone in particular, I’ll mutter under my breath “Whose balls are you trying to suck?” or some such. It always works, and I always have a big smile on my face within a few seconds of whatever calamity had occurred. Shortly thereafter it is forgotten altogether.
Some people think it’s weird or arrogant to laugh at one’s own jokes, but I find that the ability to humor oneself is an immensely powerful skill.
Even if it is the other person’s fault, for it to be an accident means I must have had to exist and be at that place at that time, so therefore it is also my fault and will apologize profusely.
If it’s with other ex-pats, I’ll probably react similarly but in a less over-the-top fashion. I’m pretty easy-going and forgiving. I do feel internal rage over extreme pain, but other than some profanity I can’t recall ever lashing out at another person. Then again, knock on wood I’m lucky to have not been in so many seriously inconveniencing accidents.
The worst one for me was one time at the bar. I was standing at a railing beside a couple of steps. Waitress with a full tray of drinks trips up the steps, spilling the entire tray straight onto me. Thankfully for her I lived only a few blocks away. I walked home, showered, changed, went back and said “Don’t be upset. Shit happens. By the way, I’m drinking Mikes Hard Cranberry tonight.” Needless to say the rest of mine and my friend’s drinks were on the house.
A number of years ago (before I was married), one of my clients had met some girls in a popular bar . I was translating for him, playing the wingman. One of the girls (the one who my client wasn’t trying to hit on) had her glass of white wine too close to me, and a story I was telling for some reason involved a back swing of my hand, and I knocked her white wine onto my shirt. The client suggest that I go up to his room upstairs in the Grand Hyatt ($500 /night) to clean up and the girl came with me.
Damn, my wife just woke up and told me to come to bed. I guess this story isn’t meant to be told.
Anyway, if the circumstances are right, I don’t have any problem with spilled drinks.
Most things don’t bug me too much, but I’m still working on not getting all bent out of shape with car and driving stuff. The last time I got all worked up and did something stupid in my car, it cost me $500. So, there’s a good reason to get better at that.
Hah - you reminded me of something that happened at Pizza Hut a few years ago. We watched them bring our pizza out from the kitchen and trip and slide it right into the garbage can, like they had rehearsed it! That was way too funny to be upset about (and I think we got a free pizza, too).
Depends on their response - apologize quickly and offer to make it right, and we’re good. Ignore it/blame me/delay, and fuck you.
Years ago, I went to a restaurant with friends. A waiter sloshed about a half-dollar size splash of ice water on my back between my shoulders, looked at it, and moved on. My friends were pissed and got a manager. Just an “oh, I’m so sorry, let me get you a towel,” would have been great.
My friends went back there recently and a waiter knocked a glass of red wine into one of their laps. The response, after offering a few napkins? They didn’t have to pay for the glass of red wine. Not that she was getting a new glass of wine, no - that she didn’t have to pay for the one that ended up in her lap. Yeah, they haven’t been back.
Honestly they should ban high heels from public transport.