How do you torture your coworkers?

[Moirai]

@FlyingRat

My department head went on vacation for about two weeks. To welcome him back, we ganged up and filled his office with balloons. Since we had so much time, though, we did it right– we got good quality balloons (that wouldn’t leak), and a coworker brought in a helium tank and an electric air compressor. There was a materials station outside the office for a week, so people could stop in, fill up a few balloons, and pitch them in. Visitors to the department were invited to help.

The results were suitably epic: I have a picture somewhere of D.H. sitting at his desk, “working”, at least chest-deep in balloons (and this was done after he removed/popped quite a few even to be able to enter the office at all). On top of that, I believe that someone shrink-wrapped most of his desk before the balloons even went in-- to keep things pristine for him.

Heh- we shrink-wrapped a manager’s desk once, with all of his stuff still on it. He was cool though. He even helped to punk our CFO- the guy’s office was just down the hall from a men’s room, so we moved the entire contents of his office into the men’s room, then switched the name plates on the doors. Good guy- he sat in there all day!

[drastic_quench]

Hit print screen to take a screen capture of their normal desktop, open any picture editing software, and save this as a jpg.

Highlight and drag all of their desktop icons off the monitor into a lower corner.

Set jpg file as new background.

Watch as they swear their computer’s “locked up”.

[Savannah]

I show up every day at about 9:00 a.m.

[hroark2112]

One of the guys at work looks like this guy:

All the single ladies

Any time he comes in the office, I play that song!!

[Koxinga]

@FallenAngel

I have one co-worker who’s quite religious. She once gave me grief for not saying, “Bless you,” when she sneezed. I explained to her that I’m an atheist and hadn’t come up with what thought was an appropriate secular response to keep up the medieval superstition.

Gesundheit?

[msmith537]

I ask them to perform work-related tasks during normal business hours and have them completed in a reasonable timeframe.

[msmith537]

@drastic_quench

Hit print screen to take a screen capture of their normal desktop, open any picture editing software, and save this as a jpg.

Highlight and drag all of their desktop icons off the monitor into a lower corner.

Set jpg file as new background.

Watch as they swear their computer’s “locked up”.

I’ll do you one better. Just take a copy of their background jpg. Past a picture of the red X of desk dialogue box in the middle of it. Save as new desktop.

You don’t mess up their icons or prevent them from working. But they will spend hours trying to click “Close” if you don’t stop them.

@FallenAngel

I have one co-worker who’s quite religious. She once gave me grief for not saying, “Bless you,” when she sneezed. I explained to her that I’m an atheist and hadn’t come up with what thought was an appropriate secular response to keep up the medieval superstition.

You can bless people as an athiest. They will just be blessed by YOU, not God.

[Rack-a-Bones]

@Really_Not_All_That_Bright

My absolute fave is the “Ctrl + Alt + [directional key]” trick which reorients your display with the top in whichever direction you pressed. Only works with Intel machines but it confuses the ever loving crap out of people.

I did it to the receptionist once while she was grabbing coffee. I came back two hours later and noticed that she’d laid down her monitor on its side.

I don’t get this. I tried it but it didn’t do anything.
A lot of people here bring in backpacks. I either adjust the straps as short as they can go or as long as they can go. They don’t notice at first but after a few days the look of puzzlement is worth the effort.

[Lucky_13]

@Savannah

I show up every day at about 9:00 a.m.

You beat me to it.

The woman who sits next to me plays the same 2 albums every day on her desktop CD player: Taylor Swift and Alicia Keys. Then she puts on the radio station that plays Nickelback all the time.

[mauxlicious]

Ctrl + Alt + Down Arrow

[drachillix]

@drastic_quench

Hit print screen to take a screen capture of their normal desktop, open any picture editing software, and save this as a jpg.

Highlight and drag all of their desktop icons off the monitor into a lower corner.

Set jpg file as new background.

Watch as they swear their computer’s “locked up”.

R click on desktop, uncheck display desktop icons.

That way when you do put it back, its exactly the way they left it.

[Really_Not_All_That_Bright]

@Rack-a-Bones

I don’t get this. I tried it but it didn’t do anything.
A lot of people here bring in backpacks. I either adjust the straps as short as they can go or as long as they can go. They don’t notice at first but after a few days the look of puzzlement is worth the effort.

It only works with Intel graphics cards. There’s an explanation at www.internetducttape.com but the site seems to be down right now.

[Osip]

@FallenAngel

I have one co-worker who’s quite religious. She once gave me grief for not saying, “Bless you,” when she sneezed. I explained to her that I’m an atheist and hadn’t come up with what thought was an appropriate secular response to keep up the medieval superstition.

She still thought it was rude. Now, whenever she sneezes, I tell her, “Stop it!” Drives her buggy.

I always prefer “Hail Satan” after a sneeze to annoy my extreme religious co-workers.

[Clothahump]

One could say that my evil presence lurking in the database is torture enough.

But around Christmas time, people start playing Christmas music. All of you here know how much I hate Christmas music. So when they start, I crank up the speakers and visit TwistedTunes.com for a selection of true Christmas music.