In lieu of flowers, be kind to animals.
She was super irritating.
“Missing-Presumed Dead”
He’s gone and done it now; Doctor Jackson has shuffled off this mortal coil. Actually, witnesses were heard to say, it was more of a stumble over the bucket than a solid kick, but that doesn’t sound nearly as athletic - and we all know that Doc was an athlete in his own mind. As happens to us all eventually, Glory Days turned to Gory Day when he, in a fit of triple-bogie induced rage, flung his putter into the woods where it ricocheted off three trees and a squirrel, returned like a boomerang and shish kebobbed him ass to mouth as he bent over to pick up his ball. It was his best shot of the day and his only career hole-in-one. It was just like him to accomplish the feat in such a way as to avoid buying a round of drinks afterward. The remainder of his foursome, when they had finished laughing and realized Doc had again avoided buying them drinks, were pissed. The indignant squirrel then bit his nuts. It will be left as an exercise to the reader to parse the preceding sentence as you see fit. His wife was quoted as saying “Doc, like any good man, will be remembered by his family not by the size of his stature but by the sum of his life insurance and 401k”. In lieu of flowers, wear a lei. If you can’t wear a lei, lay a wearer.
I don’t really care much about what it says, but I have given some thought to my obituary photo. It cracks me up when these 90 year old ladies die and the photo of them is like a high school graduation photo - as if anyone alive today is ever going to remember that they looked like that.
So I’ve told my wife that when I die, she needs to use one of my baby pictures for the obit. 
Yes, I want my Facebook photo used… a cute little 5-year-old.