***Alonzo John Blitz passed away again, this time to an erection lasting more than four hours. He was alone at the time.
His previous demise was attributed to a massive cardiac infarction when kale was introduced to his all-fat diet. Turns out, it was just a coma. Alerted by the screams, meddling medical ‘professionals’ interrupted the cremation half-way through the process.
Friends and family ask that you add your hopes and prayers that this time it’s permanent.
Alonzo is survived by the other 7.2 billion human inhabitants of this planet and the feral cat that deigned to be fed by him.
In lieu of flowers, please send funny skits under 3 minutes to Saturday Night Live.***
I keep saying I need to write something funny and witty, but I haven’t done it yet. No matter what it is, I’d like it to be in Morse code or Klingon or some sort of obscure language.
…and then he got better.
“Thank you, Jesus!” the late Aquadementia was heard to remark.
When you read an obit the one big thing you probably want to know is how did they die, but often that is barely mentioned or left obscure. Instead they focus on one’s life, which is more classy but missing all the gory details.
Isn’t that because newspapers usually have the ‘rich and famous’ obits done in advance? (You do occasionally come across instances when they’re published prematurely )
My funeral I can about; my obit not so much so. One thing I would like, almost need, is several of my more common nicknames included with my actual name. Otherwise most of my amusement park, biker, internet, and horror film friends will never know I’m dead.
)