How do you wipe? [poll]

No, with the many diverse algorithms being described here, and with the expressions of disbelief from so many others here (what? you can’t imagine someone wiping their butt in a different way than you?) – this thread needs VIDEOS, people, VIDEOS!

Or do you have change for a five?

Regards,
Shodan

I stand up and put one foot on the seat. And I use two squares at a time.

OK. I suppose I’d better fess up that my method (while seated, of course!) involves neither front-to-back, nor back-to-front. I just scrunch up the TP and flail away randomly in all directions, yes side-to-side as well.

Call me crazy.

How many “Tonka fire truck” standard units is that?

Hey, cool, you just put the paper on the end of the arm of that thing.

I’m reminded of this song from a terlit training video we got for our kids:

“Wipe, wipe, wipe yourself
Always front to back
Carefully, carefully
Now you’ve got the knack.”

I was going to mention this. I doubt any women wipe back to front for this reason. So it might have been useful to include whether you have a vagina or not in the poll.

Why no option for enslaving Third World homeless people to do it for you? :confused:

Yes, indeed I do. Although it’s the closeness of the urethra which is the reason women wipe front to back, the vagina not so much.

That’s more in the British version??? :stuck_out_tongue:

When I was in boot camp, we didn’t have doors on the stalls in the barracks. One day, whilst waiting for my turn at a stall, I noticed one of the guys standing up to wipe. I figured his mother wiped him that way when he was a kid and he’d just never learned the grownup way of doing it.

I’m not sure if I was more surprised to see him do it, or to learn that there are so many others like him…

Dogs do a better job, and you never run out of …

Good point. I guess I should have said “lack a penis.”

Agree. It was only a few years ago that I learned some (most?) people sit. I’m still not clear on how one would do that.

It did explain, however, why those automatic toilet flushing things always flushed on me before I wiped. :smiley:

OK, I just did the sitting wipe. It wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be. But one thing I didn’t like is that it’s much more natural to just drop the toilet paper in the bowl after the wipe, without looking at it. How does one know when one is done without inspecting the paper? If I had to inspect, I’d probably get some poop on my back or on the toilet seat after inspecting and depositing.

I wipe until the paper comes out clean. Well, it’s never perfectly clean, but pretty clean.

Stand, wipe, inspect. Repeat until clean.

LOL, when you first said you used three squares I felt a slight pang of guilt for being so relatively wasteful. But when I saw that you use a total of ~18 squares (:eek:) I was relieved to be relieved of any guilt. So, uh, you weren’t actually kidding about the whole “having to scrub the toilet after every poop” thing, were you? (You hereby have permission to poop at my house once a week… just bring your own damned TP supply! :p)

It’s actually quite in keeping with the mission of this board. Although we’ve had this thread in various forms before, it just now dawned on me that a great unsolved mystery has finally been resolved: People who somehow manage to smear poop on restroom stall walls are standers!!! :eek:

I think most sitters do “inspect”.

Never happened to me. I guess at this point in proceedings I’m sat fairly far forwards.

Grin! Thank’ee most kindly. And, alas, yes. My landlord installed a new toilet a year or two ago…and the internal geometry of the bowl is…unfortunate. Something smears on the sides of the bowl…every damn time…and I have to take the brush to it to persuade it to go down the drain.

In a way, though, this is good… I was the sort who didn’t scrub the toiler often enough, and so now, as I’m obliged to, well…at least the bowl is clean!

It could be that the new toilet is one of the “low flow” toilets required by code these days. Lots of people complain about them not being adequate. CA requires that toilets use no more than 1.28 gallons per flush.