How does a bidet work?

I was on a job trip to Fuengirola, Spain. Visited a local club - IIRC “Ninety two” was the name of the Club (or address). There was this nice lady, who did not charge (extra) for her assistance. Paid her ten more visits, though:smack:

Ohh… I have one of those here at home. Never use it unless I ran out of toilet paper.
It’s quite common in Asia.
You are supposed to, while seated on the toilet, lean forward, reach around (heh) and hose your derrière with it. The tricky part is not having a spray of water… ehhh, and not just water, blasting through your legs into your face.

You don’t have to have your bathroom torn up to install a bidet. There are seats that convert your toilet into one as well. I’ve used the Toto model, and loved it. It gets you so much cleaner than toilet paper can.

Why would bidet water be any dirtier, though? Unless you’re letting it run and splashing it like in a basin. But when I wash my face in a normal sink, I just splash it from the faucet. Which is why the question of what you do when the water in the bidet gets dirty mystifies me. You aren’t meant to be soaking in the bidet…are you?!

In the skid mark thread, OpalCat linked to a $100 attachment that she has that goes on the side of your toilet seat. It’s $200 if you want the heated model.

MonkeyMensch, your questions are so long that I’ll just try to go into more detail without answering each one individually, if that’s OK.

I’ve never discussed this with any guys, but SMC covered that. Information based on my mother’s and grandmother’s usage and mine. I only use it for foot baths.

Which way you face depends on what you’re using it for, the shape of the bidet itself and what’s around it. For example, if I take a footbath at Mom’s, I’m sitting on a stool in front of the bidet. If I take one at Grandma’s, I’m sitting on the edge of the bathtub, which is to the side of the bidet. At my brother’s I’d have to sit on the toilet, which is to the other side of the bidet.

Some bidets have a single faucet, on top of the basin and on the side closest to the wall. Some have a spout, inside the basin and on the side farthest to the wall. Some have both. Some have several. Whether you sit on one facing the wall or away from it would depend on where the faucet/spout is, whether it can get high enough to hit the parts that need washing (if it doesn’t, you need to splash, which may involve hovering), the length of your legs and, specially if you’ll have to hover or have difficulty moving, what objects are nearby that you can use for leverage.

Mom and Grandma do wipe before using the bidet. The ass-bath is for when TP isn’t enough, it’s not intended to replace TP. This means they also do not use it afteer peeing, as TP definitely suffices there.

They always remove any skirts, trousers, pantyhose and panties before using it. Using one wall-facing with anything but skirts on would require some strange positions, if it was even possible, and if you had skirts on you’d risk getting them wet. Using one wall-backed wouldn’t be much more comfortable, with anything around your ankles.

Well, that would depend on whether you’re the kind of person who considers it’s ok to pee in the shower or not. And pee wouldn’t be too bad, after all you wash it away. But I’ve heard of people using a bidet to poo in a house with French toilets; the homeowner was Not Happy. A French toilet is when you have the porcelain throne (and maybe a small washbasin) in one room and everything else in a different one.

I don’t like the idea of something squirting up because that means dirty water is falling back down on the nozzle. Doesn’t seem sanitary to me.

There is a restaurant here in San Francisco which has the Japanese toilet version of a bidet (i.e., the bidet is part of the toilet seat so you get a little happy squirt when you least expect it).

The food in the restaurant is so-so, but I just love excusing myself in between courses for a quick trip to the loo! ;);):wink:

So do I! That’s why I never believed them either until I heard it first-hand from someone it happened to. She had no reason to lie to me and was rather embarassed about the whole thing (in a “looking back and laughing” sort of way).

Japanese toilets don’t mysteriously squirt you. There are buttons for that. So I guess it happens “when you least expect it” if you’re also surprised every time the call you just dialed goes through.

I KNOW you have a button to activate it. You didn’t get the “happy little squirt” concept, did you? :dubious:

It’s not straight up, usually, and you’re supposed to leave it clean. Civilized people leave the bathtub clean after using it, too.

I think part of the problem here is that there are different kinds of bidets and that is contributing to the confusion.

When I lived in Italy, the bidet did not have a central spout. It was just a bowl with a faucet that filled the bowl. (Google image “italian bidet” to see what I’m talking about.) This appears to be the variety that Nava (who is Spanish) is talking about. In my opinion, these bidets suck because you have to fill the bowl and actually touch your nether regions to clean.

The far superior version of the bidet is just a bowl with a spout set in the middle of it that squirts straight up. It’s a fountain and the height it attains depends on how much you open the valve. Most bidets like this that I’ve seen can spray straight up at least five or six feet. You position your ass right above the fountain, turn it on, and it power-hoses you clean. No touching involved. No need to use any toilet paper except to dry.

Usually, bidets like this have two faucets: one for hot and one for cold so you have to slowly mix and match to get a decent temperature. I lived in some really cheap apartments in South America, and most just had the cold water hooked up. (It’s not that bad; you get used to it.) However, I was visiting a friend’s apartment one day and was using his bidet, and he only had the hot water hooked up. It was awful. I could only turn it on for three-second intervals until the water became unbearably hot on my a-hole. I had to turn it on and off about twenty times and ended up with a scalded sphincter. Worst. Bidet. Ever. (Hey, the OP wanted a euphemism-less discussion!)

So why were you saying you got that squirt “when you least expect it”? How can you not expect to get squirted after you hit the button to make it squirt? That’s what I’m objecting to. As evidenced by the phone call analogy.

[ open on exterior, Hotel Del Coronado in Coronado, California ]

[ dissolve to interior, suite bathroom ]

Attendant: And the bathrooms in each of our executive suites come with a whirlpool tub, radiant heating and a rainfall shower head.

Male Guest: Hmm. Mmm-hmm.

Female Guest: It’s neat!

Attendant: And, If you follow me, I can show you the master bedroom.

Male Guest: And the… [ dramatic pause ] bidet… comes standard?

Attendant: Uh – yes, you’ll find a bidet in all our executive suites.

Female Guest: And, uh, there’s no additional charge for using the, uh… bidet? No per use fee or debit system?

Attendant: No, ma’am, use of the bidet is complimentary.

Female Guest: Very nice, very nice. Good to know.

Attendant: Would you like to see the master bedroom?

Female Guest: And, uh, the bidet… is in good, working order… the bidet?

Attendant: I believe so, yes.

Male Guest: And there’s a… a sturdiness to it… the bidet? It can… accommodate… a fairly heavy carriage?

Attendant: I think it’s a very standard bidet.

Male Guest: Hmmm, I see.

Female Guest: Good, good, good. And the… water pressure?

Male Guest: Ah, yes. And the water pressure… in the bidet? Should it prove… insufficient… is there an adjustment… that can be made… to possibly increase… the pressure substantially?

Attendant: I don’t think so, no.

Male Guest: Hmm, I see.

Attendant: Our sheets in the bedroom boast a 600 thread count.

Male Guest: And the bidet, should it break – is there a… bidet repairman on site?

Attendant: If there’s any problem with the bathroom –

Female Guest: It would be the bidet.

Male Guest: The bidet.

Attendant: We would just call a plumber.

Female Guest: And, uh, this plumber, he can handle even the most… extreme bidet problems?

Attendant: He’s a very competent plumber.

Male Guest: And should the bidet… be damaged beyond repair… how soon… would you be able to replace it with a new bidet?

Attendant: I really don’t know the answer to that.

Male Guest: Hmm. That’s worrisome.

Female Guest: I don’t want to hear that. And… should we have, uh, an unexpected overnight guest… do you offer a roll-away bidet?

Attendant: I don’t believe that exists.

Male Guest: It’s 2010. You would think –

Female Guest: You could draw up a plan.

Male Guest: And are there any… hidden cameras in the bathroom… that might be ble to record whatever is taking place in or around the bidet? Perhaps a toilet cam?

Attendant: No, there are no cameras anywhere in the bathroom.

Female Guest: Hmm. That’s a shame.

Male Guest: That’s too bad.

Female Guest: And… the nearest hospital? That would be?

Attendant: St. George Medical Center. It’s about three miles east of the hotel.

Male Guest: And their ambulances… do they have bidets? Or would there be a gap… between the hotel and the hospital… bidetwise?

Attendant: I doubt the ambulances have bidets. I also doubt the hospital has a bidet.

Male Guest: And with the doctors at the hospital… there’s an understood confidentiality, correct?

Female Guest: They’re seasoned professionals? They’ve “seen it all”, so to speak?

Male Guest: They’ve had their gag reflexes removed, haven’t they?

Attendant: Okay, you know what? I’m going to just leave you two alone.

Female Guest: Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. Before you go, let us give you a little something for your trouble.

[ she hands the boy a soggy dollar bill ]

Attendant: Uh – why is this wet?

Male Guest: I’m not going to lie to you – [ he pulls out another soggy dollar and hands it over ] It involves a bidet.

[ the boy chucks the dollar bills to the floor and exits the bathroom, leaving the couple to look exasperatedly at their wet money on the floor ]

[ cut back to exterior, hotel ]

[ fade ]

There are a lot of different models. The one I tried was the one that sprays straight up, it had two settings: sprinkle (kind of like an inverted showerhead effect - heeheehee, tickles) and power wash (straighter jetstream like what comes out of a faucet). You must be careful with the latter.

The water runs enough that it’s not any more ore less sanitary than showering after you poop or sitting in a bathtub stewing in your own sweat and grime. It’s also at a slight angle so the water coming down isn’t mingling with the water going up. Like this pic (safe for work, it’s just water).

In any case, at a different hotel, they had the kind where there is a faucet that sprays sort of horizontally from the back of the bowl, kind of like this, but the nozzle was even lower and came out of the porcelain. I didn’t try it though because by then the novelty had worn off. I did think it seemed to be a superior design though. The one with the vertical sprinkle I found had the nozzle not positioned quite right. So sitting what seemed the right way round put the nozzle too close to the front so I’d end up spraying my junk not just my backside, or I’d have to move too far forward and I hate when any of my junk touches porcelain (cooties!).

Sitting backwards made me worry about splashback, so I ended up sitting the right way around but holding my junk up and out of harms way.

One of the varieties I’m speaking of. I did mention myself that there are several kinds, including spout-in-the-middle, several-spouts, etc. And if you have one of those with the faucet, you do not need to fill the bowl or touch your nether regions, you can splash if that’s your preference.

It’s really meant for dental hygiene. Just stick your head in there and turn the knobs. You’ll get all that couscous out of your teeth.

Awesome! I have a house in Italy. Since I am the first tenant, the bidet in my bathroom has never been used. Now I’m thinking I should plant something in it.

Put a plug in it and get some goldfish.

I hae this question too, how clean is a bidet water? i mean all the dirty water is falling down back to the bidet, the next person who uses it will splash their butts with water mixed with remanents of the last person that used it (YIACK!) (even if you flush it something must remain in the nozzles or something) seems not higyenic to me either , i dont exactly know how they actually squirt at you, but from how it sounds im not happy.

civilized people dont go into a bathtube with their butt all crapped right after dumping.