I love my bidet! Ever try one?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’ve been familiar with the concept of bidets since the mid 70’s, but never did get around to trying one, despite repeated opportunities. As a physician, I fully support the concept and have recommended them to many patients with special needs, in addition to folks who just desire improved hygiene. As a guy, I just couldn’t get myself to sit down on a water fountain. Especially since it was a separate appliance that sat a few feet removed from the commode.

Until a bit over a year ago, when we stayed at a fancy hotel in Vancouver, BC where the toilet had a high tech bidet seat. And I finally just said “oh, what the heck” and after studying the manual and doing my business, fired it up. And promptly enjoyed a most sublime experience that beat the hell out of using even the most gentle of toilet tissue, followed by a warm breeze on my fundament. Wow! Magical toilet seat, where have you been all my life?

Sadly the trip ended all too soon, and the Mrs. (who was also converted to bidet seat enthusiast) and I returned home to our mundane throne, a fine Kohler product in and of itself, but otherwise wholly pedestrian. We did vow to gift each other a nice bidet seat commode some future Christmas or Anniversary, though.

And when our trusty old commode finally showed signs of failure earlier this fall, the time finally came. We hied ourselves down to the Kohler Design Center, in Kohler, WI and took a magical tour of all the bidet seats/contraptions they had to offer, and after having lengthy technical discussions with the sales rep, committed to getting our new bathroom fixture, a commode with the deluxe bidet seat!

And now it is installed, as of this Friday past. A discreet control panel is conveniently at one’s fingertips to the right of the seat, to rapidly power it up, and to command the wand to begin spraying with warm water. (Guys, make sure to use the ‘rear’ setting for the wand, NOT the ‘front’ setting.) Precision steering of the spray wand is available on said control panel. The strength of the spray may be adjusted upward or downwards, 6 settings in all. The pulse of the spray may likewise be varied, 5 settings, I believe.

And once one has been satisfied by the warmth, strength, position, and pulsations of the spray upon one’s fundament, one may then push the button to activate the fan, to blow warm air upon one’s refreshed starfish, leaving it not just squeaky clean, but nicely dry. Fan strength and air temperature is likewise adjustable. O Joy!

In addition, the seat provides a lovely blue light at night, guiding one to the facility for those of us with nocturia or other calls of nature. It also has functions for cleaning and sanitizing the seat itself, with the push of a button.

So we are both pleased as punch with our new household appliance. We feel like we’ve now entered a higher realm of enlightened living. And we question how we got this far in life without this wondrous waterwork!

Anyone else have a bidet seat? A bidet? Experiences past with said facilities? Do tell! Or ask questions, so I may wax further eloquent on the device!!

2

They have aftermarket ones I can buy for $20-30, but for whatever reason I’m afraid of them causing a water leak after I hook them up.

Also they look like they’d get a lot of fecal matter on them (the aftermarket ones, which stick out the back of the bowl).

3

Our device’s wand is fully retractable, hiding itself away in a sealed compartment until called upon, thus keeping it mainly out of the way of the varied excretions. Though doubtless like any toilet there’s no way for the structure to remain perfectly pristine forever (effluvium happens, after all.)

And it’s solidly plumbed and constructed, seemingly at extremely low risk for the aforementioned leak concerns.

It also cost a wee bit more than those aftermarket devices you note. But will doubtless pay for itself in toilet paper savings in a mere decade or 6.

4

It’s great to hear such a hearty endorsement!

I’m in the market for one of these, have been a convert for years but am only just getting serious about going through the hassle of the upgrade. Do you mind sharing which model has impressed you so, and what it set you back? Did you have to make any especial umm, a-commode-ation to install it? I understand you need an electrical outlet nearby. Anything else?

I’m on a septic system, so figure I’ll save immeasurable wear and tear on that in addition to just the pleasant experience you describe and the expense of toilet paper. You have the very set-up that interests me most.

5

Congrats! Must be a heck of a lot easier than using cats.

6

Wow. The OP is pure poetry. :slight_smile:

As it were.

7

I have never used one - or even seen one in person - but I am astonished that the U.S. is so far behind (heh) other nations in ass-wiping.

I must know: with a bidet, is there no need atoll for toilet paper?
mmm

8

Too late to edit:

People Use a Bidet For the First Time
mmm

9

One of my favorite Straight Dope articles is about people wiping their asses with the necks of geese.

Look it up! No links for You!

10

I have used a bidet while traveling in France, but we don’t have one at home.

What I would LOVE is a plumbed in sitz bath … I am dealing with a health issue that has me using those annoying plastic sitz bath inserts and would absolutely adore a plumbed in one like this… Minot Tanner House

sorry i am in chrome and it is recalcitrant to let me highlight.

They apparently don’t make these any more and to buy a salvaged from deconstruction one is inordinately expenive.

11

Yeah, I’ve seen this :D.

I love bidets. They’re standard in Turkish hotels and I’m always sad to go back to my home bathroom.

It definitely makes you feel “fresher”, and (TMI) once you relax, it’s quite a pleasant experience.

12

Never tried one, but I’ve stepped in poo before and sat there spraying the sole of my shoe with a hose for a good five minutes and, minus a twig to help scrape, there was only so much the flow of water could do to erode things.

It’s always seemed to me like you would need to turn the pressure up so high that you’re into waterpik territory - which would be both uncomfortable and liable to shower your balls with a nice mist of poo.

I assume that’s not the case, or at least I’m unaware of any known complaints with the effectiveness nor comfort of a bidet, but the problem is that if you try it, it seems like you don’t really have any visual cue to know whether it worked or not. It could well be that you’ve got a whole bunch of pooed-up cracks that, simply, most of everyone isn’t properly aware that they’re walking around with.

I’d be curious to try one out under laboratory conditions. But if I’m going about my regular daily life, I’d rather skip since I don’t have time to fiddle around, trying out different nonsense and trying to figure out some method to verify that it actually worked and worked effectively.

13

My actual daily strategy is to download immediately prior to my morning shower. I am fortunate to be pretty regular.
mmm

14

You know how now the advice from the FDA is NOT to wash raw chicken as all it accomplished is getting bacterial laden water all over your sink and countertops? I have a similar aversion to bidets. I’d rather not have a fine mistr of my own business all over my ass.

15

I’ve used a “tub” type bidet in France, and a “shower” type bidet in Japan. I like them both.

The tub one doesn’t wipe your ass, but that plus a sponge bath was enough that I didn’t feel the need to shower.

The shower one (built into the toilet seat) does wipe your ass. But I still used toilet paper in Japan. I liked it, but not so much that I decided to deal with the extra plumbing to get one for myself. BUT, last time I considered it, they were pretty unusual in the US, and I was afraid that if anything went wrong, the plumber and the electrician would each point at each other and say, “your problem” and I’d be stuck without a working toilet.

16

This scares me!.. All those settings!
And in the middle of the night, when you’re half asleep?

Let’s see , now…where’s that control panel,…oh yeah, over there,…yeah…I don’t have to open my eyes too wide, I can just use it this way, right? Reach out with my left hand, and grab it…Let’s see…oh, here’s a button to press…Oh, and another…and oh, another…and, oh…yeah another…Well, okay, I’ll just press this one over here…it’s in almost the same position that I pressed with my left thumb a few hours ago, and feels like, yeah,…should be okay.
Gee…What could go wrong?

Quadqop, my dear man–you have listed many settings: For front and rear (heh,heh), precision steering, settings for strength of spray (6!),settings for pulse (5!), for warmth, settings for fan strength and air temp.
Surely the person who last used the throne left the settings in the place which I prefer, right?
What could possibly go wrong?
This makes the old fight about toilet seat up or down look simple. Only two possible settings, yet it’s a problem that the greatest minds of modern civilization has not yet solved.

Let me just ask one thing:
Ya know how when you go to a new place, like , maybe a luxury hotel in Vancouver— and there’s a shower you aren’t used to? Do you just step into it naked, twist the knob and hope for the best?
Most of us prefer to stand outside, carefully reach in with one hand to start the process, then wait a few seconds, then test the waters gently, then adjust the flow and temp, and only then start to actually use the thing?

Me…at 3:00 am, I ain’t gonna take a chance of getting an ice-cold, or scalding hot, high-pressure, blast---- from the wrong direction on the wrong bits.
:slight_smile:

17

I’ve used bidets in France and Saudi Arabia. When we built our retirement home I made sure we had room for the separate fixture bidet. It’s right next to the toilet and I love it. I use it every time and I’d hate to give it up.

I use a lot less toilet tissue these days and consequently there’s a lot less irritation in that area.

Nothing like nice warm water on your butt hole to make you feel pampered.

18

We stayed in the Emperor’s Suite (or some such upgrade) at a 5 star hotel in Tokyo decades ago, and the bathroom in and of itself was a palace. There was a separate room for the commode/bidet. When you opened the door, a light turned on & the bidet lid lifted up. There were all sorts of buttons & instructions in Japanese, but we somehow got it to do what we wanted.

19

I’m fascinated by the contrast in this thread between people who have never used them and don’t believe they can possibly work effectively and those who have used them, love them, own them, and swear by them (not to mention the millions of people around the world who routinely use them). Skepticism is a powerful force!

Question: I live in a rental house. Are there any that attach to the toilet without the need for construction?

20

I also love the magic toilet seat. Mine is a Brondell brand. It is easy to remove standard seat and attach this one. Just plug it in and connect water. This made it easy when I moved to take it along. No need to replace the entire commode.
One thing I don’t understand is that so many people say they use no toilet paper. I use the paper to pat my bottom dry after the wash so I don’t have to sit so long to dry.
It is a marvel.