Why not go up to one of these more experienced people you want to bond with, tell them you’re interested in [some hobby or thing they like] and that you’d like their advice on how to get started in it? That might be the first step to making a connection with them.
While I definitely believe one should be open to new ideas and experiecnces, I also have to second the advice not to do something just because you feel like you’re the only one who hasn’t. Obviously, there are benefits to avoiding all the trouble some people end up in thanks to excessive drugs, drinking, promiscuous sex, etc. `
diamonds, you’re in school and can’t necessarily just go romping out across the country willy nilly, although doing that after you graduate might not be such a bad thing. strike idle chatter in class where it may seem appropriate. do you have a roommate? do you have a neighbor? even if it’s someone that’s friendly that’s hanging out with some of their friends, see if you can’t tag along one night because you want to “go out and all your friends aren’t going anywhere”. hell, doing that right there would expose you to a new social circle. that would help you really decide if you do or don’t want to do some of these things. if they’re (relatively) typical college folk, they’ll have the drugs and alcohol there. you may not want to dive right in the first night, but if you hang around and get loosened up, life should be fine. the only problem i can forsee is money. you may want to save up so you can go out and actually pay to experience some of these things, in order to give them a fair shake, i suppose.
If you’re interested in drinking to gain experience for your tastebuds but not for drunkeness’ sake, see if there’s a beginner’s wine-tasting course in your area. Some upscale liquor stores offer them, or if you’re lucky enough to live near a winery, go on a tasting tour. You’ll meet new people, too – people who, like you, are just starting out and experiencing new things!
Do you mean that you don’t feel you’re cool enough to talk to the more “hip” people? Have any of them said or done anything to justify this feeling? I had the same problem up until last year; even though I watched and listened to the “right” things I was really lacking in life experience and I felt really uncomfortable around the cooler kids. But the majority of people, even the cool ones, are open to talking with people and won’t reject you because you’ve never been out of the country or are a virgin or whatever. Experience a couple of the “cool” things, then strike up a conversation like “what did you think of (insert band here)'s last album?” Then ask them for more recommendations of what to watch/listen to next. Trust me, cultural critics love to talk about things like that. “Taste” is not something that you can get a crash course in, it has to be nurtured by following your own interests.
As for the real-life experience, not just the culture stuff, all I have to say is that moving away from my hometown to a city I’d only been through in passing did wonders for my level of experience. Try it while you still can.
Watching movies and listening to music does not, by itself, make one experienced (speaking as someone who has a collection of several hundred DVDs, most of which she has seen at least twice.)
Most of the things you’ve listed are easy for a person to do on his own. If you want to try different drinks, find one that sounds interesting and go to a bar and order it (or buy the alcohol to try it on your own.) Really, it’s just that simple.
If you want to leave the country, find out what you need to do to visit either Canada or Mexico, find a bit of free time and money, then go. Hell, there’s enough to do in this country (I’m making an assumption that you’re from the US,) that you could do something different in every state. I would be far more impressed with someone who said they’ve rafted in Colorado, hiked in the Appalachian Mountains, and took an air boat through the Florida swamps than someone who said they spent a weekend in Toronto.
The thing is, for almost everything you listed, the only person who is keeping you from doing these things is…you. Who cares if you don’t have anyone to do these things with? If you live on the coast and want to surf, find a beginner’s class. You’ll already have something in common with your classmates, and most of the people there will be in the same situation (they won’t know anyone either.)
Experience for experience sake is stupid. Trying smoking just for the sake of being able to have done it once isn’t really meaningful.
But as an answer to your question, if you want to understand the pop scene, any time you don’t understand something, ask. There are no stupid questions. If the people you hang out with can’t stand you because you ask entry-level questions then they’re probably not worth hanging out with. Obviously, this is assuming that you’re willing to do the follow-up work to check out the movies and music they tell you to watch/listen to.
I know watching more movies and listening to more music will not make me more experienced, but it will give me more things to talk about…since these things often come up in conversations…regardless what kind of people you are hanging around.
Yeah, I will try the drink thing…and maybe even the wine tasting that someone else suggested.
My email address is in my profile, also. I’m a happily-married parents, never drank, never got high, rural-raised person as well. Though I live in Tokyo so, there goes that bit (and virginity went away some years ago as well.)
This is one of the reasons why I started this thread. Up until now, I was broke, then I got a shit load of money from Christmas and even some pocket money I won at the casino. I usually spend my money on things that will improve my personal and professional life, like books and gadgets. But, this time I want spend some money on improving my social and recreational life.
The only experience like the first night in college dorms (young, horny, lonely people looking to make friends and have adventures) is an evening in a youth hostel. One week of travelling packs in the living of a year of regular life.
A good way to start traveling is taking a www.greentortoise.com tour to Mexico. They are a hippy adventure travel/camping outfit that basically packs people on a bus full of beds, carts them out somewhere really cool, and sets them free. Meals are cooked communally and nights are usually under that stars. It’s not like a regular tour bus- they don’t take you from place to place for two hour intervals. They find the coolest and best places to explore, give you all the time in the world, and set you free to group or ungroup how you wish. Most of the people on it are Europeans. It’s a pretty easy way to make lifelong friends and start traveling.
Barring that, just pick up a Rough Guide and go somewhere. There are young travelers just waiting to have good times with you in budget motels and hostels in every corner of the world. You WILL have adventures. My relatively sheltered friend just went to Ireland and now he’s been hired to work on an Irish fishing boat! It doesn’t have to be too expensive- you can save up for a month in an expensive country or three months in a cheap one by working an extra job for half a year. I worked three jobs for three months and then spent three months traveling.
Contact me if you want advice on how to start traveling. It WILL change your life.
Disagree 1000%. Experience for experience’ sake is one of the primary engines of progress. Why climb Mt. Everest? Because it’s there. Why go to the moon? Why descend to the Challenger Deep? I’m all about experience for experience’ sake, and the people I find the most interesting are also.
Diamonds02, you will be the person you decide to be. You can decide to be Tony Hawk, Ernest Shackleton, Jack London or Jimi Hendrix, or you can choose to be someone who avoids experience for experience’ sake. Choose well.
Travel. It’s one of the best remedies there is for learning about the world (and about yourself). If you’re in school, look into foreign exchange or study abroad programs. If you can’t afford round trip airfare to Europe or the Orient, find a destination closer to home.
On the more local level (or if travel is not possible) take a class. Find something that interests you, whether it be skeet shooting, scuba diving, or needlepoint, and sign up for classes at your local Y, community college, or continuing education program. It’s a great way to meet people with similar interests. And then follow it up. Attend some events related to the class. If you don’t connect with anyone, try another area of interest.
Here’s another tip. The biggest difference between the “cool” crowd and the introvert comes down to one thing – self-confidence. Cool people are not necessarily smarter, wiser, better looking, richer, or more experienced in the ways of the world. But they are better insulated against the shattering effects of slight and disapproval that everyone undergoes at the hands of their peers as a normal part of life.
In summary, life is what YOU make of it. You’re young. By the sounds of it you’re not burdened down by a lot of commitments. Take advantage of the freedom and make something happen. Don’t be so paralyzed by fear or rejection that you hide away from the great possibilities that are near at hand. If you fall down (and you will), get up. If you make mistakes (and you will), learn from them and move on.
If you’re comfortable naming that city, you could probably get some specific recommendations for things that are local to you. If it’s Reno, I’d happily meet you somewhere for a drink, and I imagine you’d get offers from other local dopers for just about any city you’d name.
As far as general advice goes, I think you’ve gotten a lot of good stuff, especially Kiz’s comments on self-confidence. Try something new regularly. It doesn’t have to be something monumental - nobody’s saying you should go climb Mount Everest right away. Ask some people from one of the groups your involved in if they want to go out for a drink after you’re done (if you’re nervous about what to order, just get the same thing someone else is having). You’ve got a built in conversation starter because you all have a common interest. You can find out some of their other interests and share yours with them.
Is there anyone else in your group of “sheltered” friends who’s feeling the same way you are? That person might make a good travel companion, and weekend trips can be really fun. Long enough to get a taste of something new, but short enough that they’re over pretty quickly if you’re not having a good time. Traveling is great, but it can be hard to do it alone if you’re shy or reluctant to talk to people. I love traveling by myself, but it’s not for everyone.
If you (general you) spend all your time wondering whether or not something you want to do is stupid or not, you’ll be a virgin living in your parents’ basement forever. The only way to know for sure is to stop thinking about it and try it out.
“Mr. Columbus, your calculations are off. You’re stupid for trying to sail across the Atlantic.”
“Mr. Jobs, nobody wants a personal computer, and you’re stupid for trying to build one.”
“Les Paul, nobody likes the sound of a solid body electric guitar. You’re stupid to make one and try to make people listen to it.”
“Mr. London, Alaska is a horrible wilderness which you should stay the heck away from, and nobody wants to read a book about a dog. Going there and writing such a book would be the height of stupidity.”
One man’s stupid is another man’s genius. We should never be afraid of trying something we want to do, despite the fact that others think it’s stupid. We’re Americans - it’s in our nature. Hell, everybody thought Democracy and capitalism were stupid ideas, too.
Now I’m sure you’ll respond with something like “I’m saying it’s stupid to do drugs” and I would agree with you. But Tom Wolfe, Ken Kesey and Hunter S. Thompson would quite firmly disagree, or at least they would have once upon a time. Diamonds02 needs to make up his mind for himself. Trying a cigarette once won’t kill him, if he wants to experience it for experience’ sake. If he makes it a regular habit, *then * he’s being stupid.