How effective is 'seeking help'?

A good therapist will start by working with you to determine what you want out of therapy. Said therapist will then set goals and a specific timeline on when these goals will be accomplished and you will “graduate” therapy. How long this will take is going to depend on the kind of problem(s) you have, how hard you are willing to work and how complex your problems are. I would expect a max of two years unless you have many inter-related problems that are making it significantly hard for you to function on a day-to-day basis.

A good therapist will not just listen. You should get homework from your therapist. You should get reading material, and a good therapist will be able to direct you to the useful books and bypass the self-help dreck. A good therapist will most likely have you start a journal.

A good therapist should push you out of your comfort zone on a fairly regular basis, but you should not be able to push the therapist out of their comfort zone (my ex was asked to visualize his inner child. He visualized strangling it. That freaked that particular therapist out - obviously she was way too lightweight for him).
It may have changed since the last time I checked into it, but IMNSHO a degree in psychiatry isn’t a guarantee of getting a good therapist. Last time I checked, to become a psychiatrist, you got your basic M.D, then learned psychiatry from another psychiatrist. This makes for a rather tunnel-vision perspective on a very, very complex field of information. My best therapist was a Doctor of Education… and an active researcher.

I have had therapy, taken anti-depressants, and “self-treated” with the help of some good books. IMO, the anti-depressants and the self-treatment wouldn’t have been anywhere near as effective if I hadn’t also had the professional therapy.

However, I will say that if you don’t want to start with therapy, I can heartily recommend the following:
Keep a daily journal.
Take an acting class (I had a therapist call this cheap therapy!)
The book: “Feeling Good: the New Mood Therapy” by David Burns for depression - based on and proved by research.
Another book: “Recovering Love” by J. Richard Cookerly, for improving your relationships.

These are pretty much the hallmarks of a cognitive-behavioral therapist. So if this looks good to you, you could ask potential therapists, “Do you practice cognitive-behaviorally? Once we got going, what might a typical session look like? Do you use bibliotherapy or homework?” If theis doesn’t look good to you, try to articulate what you’re looking for in your therapy (e.g., “I want somebody who won’t interrupt me”; “I want somebody who can hear about my grief and not try to fix it”). This will help you find a better match.

In the U.S.,
Psychiatrists have an MD and specialized training in psychiatry. They can prescribe.
Psychiatric nurse practitioners have a nursing degree and specialized training in psychiatric nursing. They might be able to prescribe, depending on state law.
Licensed psychologists have a doctorate in applied (clinical, counseling) psychology (Ph.D., Psy.D., or Ed.D. degree). They have been trained to provide psychotherapy. They cannot prescribe except in a couple of states.
**Master’s level counselors ** may be social workers (MSW, LICSW, or other abbreviation with “SW”), many of whom have been trained in psychotherapy, **Marriage and Family Therapists, Mental Health Counselors, Licensed Personal Counselors, or other professional identification. ** Some can take insurance; some can’t. They’ve been trained in some combination of therapy and counseling (i.e., developmental work). It’s important to know whether your juresdiction requires licensure for the use of the term “counselor.” Some do, and some don’t.
**School psychologists ** may have a master’s or doctoral degree, depending on juresdiction.

When in doubt, ask the person what degree they’re functioning under, at what level (e.g., master’s, doctoral), whether and for how long they’ve been licensed, and how long they’ve been in practice. Also describe your issues briefly and ask what experience they’ve had working with people with this issue. If you’re a memner of a minority, ask about their experience working with people in that group. Exven if you don’t see your minority status as an issue, you want to know if the therapist is going to see it differently. Thus, for example, I would say to a therapist, “I’m a lesbian. It’s important in my life, but it’s not an ‘issue’ I’m working on. I see it as a normative developmental outcome. How about you?” If the therapist won’t answer, or sees it as a problem, then I’ll move on to the next name on my list.

Thanks everyone for their contributions. While I don’t think I’m ready just yet, it’s given me a lot to think about, and a more informed place to start from.

Hey, LunaV!

Healthy enough attitude. But many people find it easier to do that if they’ve got a sounding board: just the act of describing their situation, putting it into words with sufficient clarity that another person can follow along, greatly helps them clear their own head.

Add to that some useful feedback (less along the lines of “I think your desire for your Mommy was cathected into a projected displacement disorder that you subsequently repressed”, more along the lines of “Yesterday you explained how frustrated you get when sick people mope around helplessly and whine, and today you say you’ve always wanted to be a nurse?”).

That is not to say that some of your observations/comments in the OP are not right on target. Yes, it can create an unhealthy dependence of its own (people in perpetual therapy); yes, paying someone to do what might better occur between people on a more mutual basis is perhaps not so ideal (the “paying for a piece of ear” problem). And no, not all therapists are caring and compassionate: some of them are obnoxious, assign themselves power over their clients for whom they harbor a measure of contempt; some of them are exploitative shits, too.

One window-shops. If you were hiring an interior decorator or a vacation planner, you’d retain your sense of your own ability to find them good or lousy at what they do, right?

It would appear to be the prevailing opinion that you’re best off going in with a narrowly defined goal or “area of interest” to focus on, rather than “fix me now, make me well-adjusted”.

In the long run, I personally found counseling to be useful in helping me gradually formulate the questions, but pretty useless as far as helping me come up with answers — that happened better when I was alone, in my own head, sometimes coming to the foreground after being processed in the background while I was superficially thinking about other stuff.

Be wary of anyone who mentions pills. This is a very pill-poppin’ world and the entire territory of meaning-of-life questions, profound feelings, and introspective journeying have been heavily medicalized (and trivialized as having no meaning aside from good or bad neurochemistry and its side-effect manifestations). Not to say there are no ills for which a medication is a sound approach, but research any such recommendation very heavily with a skeptical mindset.

I don’t disagree with this, particularly if you are basically functional but want to work on things. I’m on a low level of meds because without them I have panic attacks and can’t handle emotional stuff without absolute thoughts and blowing things out of proportion. Part of that is actually physical so it makes sense to me to medicate. But for emotional issues beyond this very basic survival level, I have really tried to go without further meds.

I agree too that a sounding board is where it’s at. I can remember times when I’ve been recounting some incident or situation and just saying it out loud helps me see what’s going on, and with help from a counselor I could work on next steps or process what I had realized.

NIMH studies show that at least for depression and anxiety, a combination of therapy and medication is helpful for the most people. And for many people with schizophrenia and biopolar disorder, medication is very helpful. I’m a strong advocate for no more medication than you need plus, at thel east, skillbuilding and coping strategies training.