I’m going to continue to say this is something that’s changed a lot in the last few years.
This I don’t disagree with. Moving back in with one’s family after college is generally a financially-driven decision and that doesn’t exist here. The OP says he has way more money than most people his age. So if he lives with his parents it would seem to be driven by a desire not to do things on his own or give up the comforts of home. No, people don’t really respect that. At some point we’re expected to want to do things on our own and if you don’t have that desire people will think you’re a bit strange, at least.
On a practical level, where do you fuck? I mean, that’s terribly crude, but what makes a boyfriend a boyfriend is the physical contact, and how does that happen with his mom downstairs?
And if the answer is “date girls that have their own place”, well, I would be sorta annoyed if basically I was living hand-to-mouth supporting myself and my affluent SO had all the advantages of independence (i.e., could fuck me at my place ,stay over, whatever) but was not contributing.
I think the other thing the OP has to consider is whether or not he’s exploiting his parents. Your expenses go up when someone moves in: food and utilities both (to a surprising degree). They may be so loving they don’t mind, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have an impact, and reduces their own options further down the road.
I was trying to hint at that. Although it affects your ability to be social in general, not just your chances of getting laid. If you have your own place you can have friends hang out 'til all hours. Your parents are unlikely to allow that.
My parents were early to bed and sound sleeping types, so this proved to be much less of a problem than one would suppose when I lived at home.
Do most people start fucking only after they have their own place? I think I started when I was 16 or so, and no way was I renting my own apartment at 16.
I’m not so sure about that, Marley. When has living in a big city ever been inexpensive? I think what’s changed is that today’s kids are less willing to live with a relative stranger, so they stay at their parents’ home rather than move into an apartment they’d have to share with a roommate in order to afford the rent (which is what my generation did). You see the same thing on college campuses; at my alma mater, they’re tearing down dorms that are structurally sound, and that my generation regarded as perfectly adequate housing, in order to build pod-type units with individual bedrooms around a shared living space. The old buildings haven’t changed, but the expectations of the matriculating students have.
It may just be because I grew up in NYC ( and notice I said “grew up” not “lived” - there are lots of differences between natives and those who move here after college) , but even thirty years ago there was no stigma about living with the parents for a while after college for financial reasons or if you were contributing more than a token amount to expenses. The stigma was reserved for living off your parents when you didn’t have to.
I’m in Canada, and I will tell you that it will definitely hamper your ability to get/keep a girlfriend.
The example I will give you is a friend of mine that did exactly what you are suggesting, lived at home until he had enough to move into his “dream house”.
He lives there now. Alone. Never had a serious girlfriend. But he has lots of savings. Which would be fine if that was all he wanted in life, but it’s not.
I will also add that as someone that has done hiring/job interviews, I would hesitate on a candidate for a professional position that still lived at home - it would seem immature and dependant and not someone I would consider a upcoming shining star for a company/organization.
Rents and the cost of college education keep going up and wages haven’t kept pace, so I expect that it’d be relatively more expensive now. I know my parents lived in New York City a generation before I did and their expectations for how much rent I should be paying (relative to my income) seemed insane to me.
I think every single young citydweller I’ve ever known has had roommates- at least early on. Perhaps it’s less common now than it used to be, but it’s not rare.
You’ve lived in the suburbs for way too long. A small bachelor’s located pretty far from the subway on Sherbourne costs over $900 per month excluding utilities. A studio near Yonge and Eglinton will set you back $1000+ per month. The only place you could get for $650 is probably a basement room in ghettos such as Regent Park.
And there are plenty of houses outside or on the fringes of Toronto where a 3-bedroom would be about $500k, but commuting 4 hours a day is a waste of time and money. Given that I once lived in the suburban wasteland of Brampton for a year, commuting from there to downtown as a much greater loss than living with my parents for two years or so. And to the person who lives cheaply in Burlington: it shouldn’t even be counted as part of the GTA, it’s beside Hamilton not Toronto!!
So you’ve heard of renting and his guesstimate maybe a little off. (I don’t know Toronto neighborhoods.) If you have hefty savings, no debt, and a job, why would you live with your parents instead of renting a place for around $1,000 a month?
Well, at that age you are out of school before they come home from work. Furthermore, your partner is probably pretty understanding about having to take off their shoes and sneak in, have sex as quietly as possible, and leave before dawn. And while your parents might not forbid you to have overnight guests of the opposite sex, I wouldn’t want to wander down to the kitchen in my boyfriend’s house and have his mom offer me coffee.
My youngest brother lived at home until he was 27 YO. Mom finally threw his ass out one day. He played at going to school and working some. Most of his friends moved on so he was socially isolated. He didn’t have much of a love life either. Basically he was acting like a 27 YO high school student.
After Mom threw him out, he had to find a place to stay and start working full time. He eventually started making new friends at work and where he lived. Now he’s married and living like an adult.
A hotel? Not being promiscuous for two years or so? It’s really not that hard. Me and my current roommate have always had a no guests rule. And is doing it in a dirty, run-down basement in a ghetto really that hot?
It’s a given that I’m paying for all of my food. And honestly, unless you’re unemployed and at home all day, utilities don’t rise by much. It typically goes up by $10/month when I move back in for the summer.
Then I guess I have that stick up my ass. But I submit to you this: independence from my parents was extremely important to me. Why is it wrong that I demand the same thing from men i date? I made it a life priority, I would want the same thing from men I date.
Good luck with that. You do have some odd spending priorities- you don’t want to pay affordable rent or depend on a job, but you’re OK with getting a hotel room every time you have a date?
I don’t recall promiscuity being mentioned, and two years is a long time.
Most people would say it beats not doing it at all.
Big cities have always been expensive; what has changed is the ratio between cost of living on the one hand, and starting salaries/job security for young people on the other. The position of young wage-earners has deteriorated.
I thought you were asking about a girlfriend, not getting laid. Part of a serious, sexual adult relationship is spending intimate time together regularly. It’s not about promiscuity, it’s about snuggling, playing grab-ass in the kitchen, sleeping in together on a lazy Sunday.
You wanted to know if girls would be reluctant to date a guy living at home. My answer is yes, and for me, at least, it would be entirely about physical intimacy being so restricted.
How often does it ever come up? Scratch that… how does it come up? Given the stigma placed on it, I’m surprised that anyone would mention it to their employer or that their employer would ever ask.
First of all, I don’t think I’m guaranteed any job beyond a minimum-wage one. I’m even having trouble currently finding a decent, paid internship. The economy is stagnant and youth unemployment is still growing. So the idea that I can assume that I would have $35k net is preposterous. If I move back in and pay half the costs are so per month, $500, I would be saving at least $6k a year and have much more financial security as I could try and reduce payments if I were unemployed. If I rented and had to sign a 1+ year contract and subsequently got laid off, then that $50k savings won’t last forever. As well, my parents would have $500 more a month (not that they need it), as they currently pay all costs even though one of them is often away working.
“First of all, I don’t think I’m guaranteed any job beyond a minimum-wage one.”
I didn’t know Canada had guaranteed jobs. Interesting. Now I’m confused how a country that "guarantee"s “minimum wage” jobs has an unemployment rate exceeding 7%.
ETA: A roommate is not nearly so restrictive. I don’t care if I walk into the living room and a roommate can tell we just did it, or if a roommate walks in while we are hugging and sees hands on my ass. I do care if a mom sees that.
Although it affects your ability to be social in general, not just your chances of getting laid. If you have your own place you can have friends hang out 'til all hours. Your parents are unlikely to allow that.