I’ve always been the one to be fiercely independent. I try not to spread my problems on others and I try to take care of myself. My life has basically gone as follows: finished high school, finished university, moved out and got a job. However it seems most of my friends have prolonged their university careers so they can stay at home and delay being an adult. In fact one friend of mine has a masters at 25 years of age, and still is going to stay home to work on writing songs.
Now I understand where my music friends are coming from…believe me I would like nothing more than to party hardy and be irresponsible. But I think about the long term, I 'd like to own property one day, I’d like to be married and be running my own life. I want to be able get the things I want and not live under my parents rules.
I think I was fairly responsible, I moved out at 23 and avoided student debt. But I still get so frustrated when I hear about my friends having all these easy going good times because they don’t have to support themselves. Maybe all the fun they are having is worth it, maybe I’m the stupid one to be in this rat race with everyone else.
I don’t have alot of money, but I’m trying to get ahead by working three jobs (public school teacher, private guitar lessons, wedding band) What do you guys think? I know for a fact I could never live at home now after being out for 3 years.
After having observed my GFs younger brother who is 27 and still living at home, as well as my uncle who is in his 50s and has never moved out of Grandma’s house, I have to say there is something sort of pathetic about someone who never moves out of their parents house. They tend to live in a sort of post-adolescent fantasy world of half-ass jobs and bullshit ideas for starting businesses because they have a skewed economic view.
IMHO, once you graduate college and find a full time job, move out of your parents house,
I feel the same way; quite a few of my friends live at home with Mum & Dad and drive $20,000 cars, fly off to Sydney or Melbourne every other weekend for shopping or to see a band/show they like, and generally seem a bit surprised that my wife and I don’t have wads of spare cash to have dinner at $50 a head restaurants every Friday or whatever.
Then I remind them that we live out of home, pay rent, all the bills, run two cars, and buy food etc, and we’re paying off our wedding.
If we lived at home with my parents we’d have a stupid amount of spare money with which to do all these fun things, but we don’t and thus we don’t.
Frankly, it does strike me as irresponsible, but on the other hand, they’re a lot happier than I am at the moment. Longer term though, who knows?
Staying at home until marriage is a fairly common cultural trait that many cultures claim as their own (Hispanics, Italian, Irish and Jewish, that came to mind right away).
I do agree that it is not a responsible thing to do. If you have the means, please go and start on your own. It is good for you and your parents will be glad to get a rest from you.
My BIL had already stayed longer than I thought reasonable at his parents’. Nobody was putting much pressure on him since it looked like he was soon to marry his g/f of years. Now that they broke up, I am all over his ass to get him to move on his own.
It gets a little creepy after about 30, especially if said child is male (cultural expectations and all). But if all parties are okay with the arrangement, and the kid is not a financial or emotional drain on the parents, then I honestly don’t see what the problem is.
It’s pathetic. Unless it’s a cultural thing (India, for example) or if someone loses their job and needs a place to rebuild for a few months. Otherwise anyone past the age of 25 who lives at home is a loser.
OTOH, there’s the point at which your parent(s) come to live with you. That’s a whole other. Or, you move in with the solitary, surviving parent. In both cases, its not irresponsible, but taking on further responsibilities albeit with benefits.
This is true, but I don’t think it’s quite what the OP had in mind- moving in with elderly parents to provide care etc for them is a different kettle of fish to staying at home with them until you’re 30 so you’ve got more money to party, travel, and have a flash car, and buy consumer goods that you couldn’t otherwise afford.
If you pay board and do your fair share of the cooking and cleaning and other domestic responsibilities - fine. If you’re getting your laundry done and your meals cooked every day (and I have known an awful lot more people who fell into this category) then that’s not exactly preparing you to be a responsible adult
I think it really depends on the culture, here in holland most people (especially if they are attending college) move out after high school. I moved out when I was 21* and was really considered to be late. Also, I’m talking about people who live in the same city as their parents, so this isn’t a convenience thing. It is just common for both parents and ‘children’ a like to feel that 18/19 is the right time to learn some responsabiliy and live your own.
*one of th reasons of staying so long had to do with my parents divorce and not wanting to leave the home too soon after that
It is definitely not a part of our culture. American culture values independence. Our goal in raising children is that someday they will go out and achieve their individual destiny. Our parents raised us so that we could achieve our dreams, not so that we could buy big screen TVs and play a lot of video games.
Our whole mythos, from the American dream to Superman, is about leaving home.
I don’t live with them because I’m not even in the same state as them, but if I were working and I did, yes, I would be living with them. And saving like hell to get my own place away from them, too!!
Back home the renter culture is not as strong as in the US, and many housing prices are high. It makes more sense to save and get a more decent place (whether rented or owned), than go out of the nest ASAP only to live in a shitty place with shitty people.
Many of my high school friends lived with their parents way past high school. Some moved away and moved back due to costs (and these are all people with bachelor’s degree or higher). None of them are being sponges. They cook, they buy their food, they do their own laundry, they do their chores, they take care of their parents, they pay and keep their own (not expensive) cars, etc.
I have a friend who was saving to move out… then her mom was laid off. Oops, seems she may have to stay longer than she wanted. I have another one who moved back after living by herself for a while (in a shitty apt.). She’s going back to school to finish her master’s, and living with her mom, while it has increased her commuter time (she works and has her own car) decreased her living expenses, so it made school more manageable.
My brother moved in with my parents for a couple of months after his divorce about 15 years ago, and they asked him to stay. He house sat when they left for a few months every year to Florida, kept the clock on the VCR [and now dvd player] from blinking piteously, yardwork, taking out the garbage … he pays rent and part of the utilities and food. It is great, as it has given my mom continuity now my dad is dead as she would otherwise have had to go into a residence home [she needs someone that monitors her meds, she has alzheimers and will forget to take them and will forget to eat a balanced diet, or will forget appointments with her doctors.]
It works out well, he gets a place to live, and Mom gets her own home.
Honest to god, I think this is a classic MYOB thing. In theory, I think it is admirable to live on your own–I was certainly bucking to from my early teens. In practice, there can be so much going on inside a family that no one sees that I would be hesitant to judge any particular individual about their circumstances unless I knew them very well. And I certainly think it’s silly to be envious or resentful of people who still live at home and live a rock and roll lifestyle. For one thing, life’s hard for everyone, and for another, while some people seem to have an easier time of things, even a cursory refection of the people one knows or the news should reveal plenty of people that have an even rougher time of things through no fault of their own. I don’t resent the trust fund baby because I don’t want to feel guilty around the orphans with cancer.
With the current economic issues we’re facing, I think we’re going to see a lot more in the way of communal living in the near future. There’s a lot to be gained by pooling energy and resources so that everyone can live a little better.
The problem comes in when someone isn’t pulling their weight. If we’re talking about slackers who just don’t want to grow up and take advantage of everyone else’s labors, well sure it sucks. But if someone is working, helping around the house, and generally adding value to the situation, I see nothing wrong with it. As Manda JO said, it’s really nobody’s business.
My experience is that each situation is different. Some people I knew who lived at home were complete losers, and others…well, it was just what they did in their family. I’ve known a couple of people that lived at home for a while, then when they did get places, they where on the same block as their parents.
It’s hard for myself and others to understand, but some families just like each other and get along :dubious:
Another “it depends” here. I lived with my mom for a while after I had my daughter. At the time, my mom had another baby, and my parents split up, and my mom hadn’t held a job since she was 18. So I moved in, she watched the kids, I worked, and it was a mutually beneficial arrangement. Each of us *could *have afforded to live alone, but things would have been much tighter, and the convenience of live-in childcare is really not to be underestimated.
That said, the day I left was the happiest day of my life.
I can also see living at home for a couple of extra years if it allows you to save to buy a house. I think that’s just smart. But I’ve also known bunches of people who SAY that’s what they’re doing, but aren’t remotely disciplined enough in their saving for that to really work.
And of course, if you live at home, pay no rent, and your mom does your laundry, then you’re just a sadass loser.
I not only left home at 17, but I left the country. I travelled overseas for almost 5 years, when I came home I bought a “soon to be husband” with me.
I was widowed when my child was 16 mths old. We lived on our own for a long time.
Four-ish years ago we were evicted from the house we were renting because the landlord was selling the property. We moved into a small basement flat under my mother’s house because I couldn’t find anything suitable (yes I live in my mothers basement!) it was supposed to be a temporary measure.
It’s been the perfect solution. She has company when she wants it, we have company when we want it. We individually have a “grandma” night every week (watch tv and chit chat).
I’m generally not keen to announce where I live because of the “loser” tag but it works for us. My son has just had me for many years, now he can go and find a different opinion just up the stairs.
He’s 17 now, last year of school. When he goes off to uni things will change, but the last 4 years have worked for all 3 of us.