There’s also the case where you live at home to save money while living quite frugally because you can’t find good paying work. Not everyone goes to college. Maybe you’re doing unskilled/semi-skilled work while trying to pay your way through a trade school. In this case, you’re not really at the head of your generation in achievement, but could be diligently and responsibly trying to improve your situation.
I don’t think that living at home once you’ve finished your education is irresponsible, but, in the US at least, it does preclude others from viewing you as an adult. If you’re taking care of elderly or ill parents, that’s one (very admirable) thing. And, of course, you should be able to depend on your family in a crisis. But if you’re an employed, able-bodied adult who just likes living at home with mom and dad, it’s definitely going to affect how people think of you socially and as a romantic partner. It’s up to you to decide whether the trade-off is worth it.
I recently moved back in with my parents. They offered to let me live with them for the next couple of years and help me with the kids (I am a single mom) while I go to college full time to finish my degree. No, it’s not ideal. But it’s the only way I can manage to get through school this quickly and get to work doing what I want to do and making more money so there is a long term benefit.
I guess I’ll be taking my loser ass to college graduation in a couple years and not sweating all the people that judge me for doing it this way. I’m doing this for my kids.
Living at home with your parents is acceptable while you are in college. I can make allowances for being a single mom as well. Or if it’s a temporary situation. It’s not like you are a 35 year old bachelor living in your mom’s basement.
I’m only here in my mom’s spare bedroom because I’m waiting for the Swedish government to approve my application for permanent residency. I pay my own bills and chip in 1/3 of the grocery money, which we agreed on before I came back. Currently trying to pick up freelance translation jobs to generate some income. Things are tight financially but this is only temporary; if my application is rejected, however, I’ll be out that door pounding the pavement looking for a paid job to save something from. And I’ll chip in a lot more than just grocery money.
BTW, I just turned 39.
“Irresponsible” ? No, it’s not irresponsible. That just seems like a really odd criticism of living with your parents. Outside of moving in to care for your elderly parents ( I did that for my mother before she died ), in which case living with your parents IS responsible. Not the opposite.
As for moving out being about independence, that depends on circumstances. If the end result is a hand-to-mouth existence in a bad apartment, just how “independent” are you, really when your every decision is made according to necessity ? For that matter, if you leave just because you think you are supposed to or because of other people’s opinions, that’s not even slightly independent.
I think many people in this thread are awfully judgemental. Who cares where one choose to live, or whether one pays one’s share of the rent or not if all parties (parents and child) are content with the arrangement, for whatever reason?
FTR, I moved out when I was 19, and certainly wasn’t frustrated seeing friends having a “good time”. No way I would have wanted to be dependant of my parents, to have to cope with their unavoidable comments, or to not be able to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted in my place. My elder brother, on the other hand, stayed home until he was around 30, at which time my parents moved out. Both him and my parents were content, so more power to him.
And by the way, said elder brother, despite living with our parents, was at the time (and still is) way more responsible than I am and probably will ever be.
Whatever floats your boat, really.
I’m sorry, and I know I am going to catch flak for this but it icks me out. But let me tell you why it icks me out. The people that I know do this, are:
[ul]
[li]almost fucking 40[/li][li]have a child[/li][li]make a combined salary of over $110K [/li][li]refuse to rent, even though they can afford to rent. Only a house for them![/li][li]Know that them living home causes a whole bunch of stress for everyone. everyone fights and everyone involved is unhappy.[/li][li]pay about $600 a month towards their parents for living expenses. My RENT is $800[/li][li]have ANOTHER baby on the way[/li][li] have no intention of moving out, though they shout it whenever there’s a fight[/li][/ul]
What kind of example are they going to give their baby? These are people who have NEVER lived alone. They don’t need to live with their parents. They just do because that way they can go on vacations every six months. They say they are saving for a house; bullshit, I say, when I see a new iPhone and a new DVD and Tivo and every new gadget in their living room. And yes, it does hurt a little, since we are so careful about budgeting. It wouldn’t hurt nearly as much if it wasn’t a family member. We love the baby, and she is always going to learn that someone will catch her in the safety net.
It’s different if you messed up, or had trouble and had to move back in. These people didn’t even make the attempt, and they make more than enough money.
In the end, I don’t care, but I do have less respect for them. Man up and take care of your kids. It’s time for the grandparents to be taking them for the weekend, not having them every single day while you have fun. It’s one thing to live home when you’re single, or even to take care of a kid as a single parent. But when you are making the money, and you are a family, then why are you still home?
No flak from me! I really wouldn’t respect those people, if I knew of the situation.
Me? I’m dissing two of my cousins (different parents) who choose neither to study nor work and instead slack at their parents place.
Yes. Unless you have unusual circumstances, I think anyone who lives with their parents past the point they are physically capable of providing for themselves is a bit irresponsible. Generally, this is around age 18.
But why “irresponsible” ? I can see calling them “dependant” or “lazy”; but not “irresponsible”.
I know plenty of people who stayed at home well into their 20s– many of them went on to buy flats or houses with the money they saved. Obviously some of them were just coasting, but a lot of that had to do with having a freshman year breakdown, splitting up with/getting screwed by a SO or roomie, a crappy job market, and living in some of the most expensive cities in the world. Not many were of the ‘Mom still makes me dinner while I play videogames and try to hold down a job at McDonald’s’ variety.
They didn’t get much shit for their situations– if anything, most of us were jealous that they had such chill parents.
The physically capable part I kind of get… And again, I’ll say it all varies with cicumstances. From what I’ve read, and known, yes, there are those who are lazy and irresponsible and live with their parents. But guess what, the person who I know depended and still does on her elderly caretakers lives outside their house.
If she could live with them, I’m sure it would be cheaper for all… heck… her apartment was bought with their money, her car was a car they bought and owned before giving it to her. Her kid’s school is paid by them… She would have less space to fill up with expensive crap she can’t afford if she lived with them.
Sorry, I had to get that out of the system. Really, she lives by herself, but how independent she is? How much control she has? How mature she is? Are you freaking kidding me she is more responsible and adult than the other ones I know?
I lived in dorms, by myself, or with roomates for the last 7 years because I was far from family. I enjoy my independence… and I’ve been lucky to keep it. But I’m not sure I would’ve been able to live without my parents if I had stayed were I grew up.
Responsability? Independence? My classmates, my friends, my partners, myself… We all knew how to cook, do laundry, buy groceries, clean the house, etc. since we were in high school. I moved by myself and put all that I had learned before thanks to my parents to use.
My friends, even though they lived with their parents, they bought the food (sometimes not just for them but for the whole family), they cooked (for the whole family, like I did when I was a teen), they did their own laundry plus whatever else, they helped around the house, they mowed the lawn, took out the trash, baby sat younger sibs, cleaned their room and others, etc.
I see nothing irresponsible in their actions. To claim otherwise is stupid and ignorant.
Because in order to prove oneself a responsible adult, you have to actually take on some responsibility. Living with your parents doesn’t really allow you to be fully responsible for yourself, there’s always that safety net. Even if you’re paying rent, you aren’t facing the realities of supporting yourself.
Still, as I pointed out on my post, living outside your parents (or caretakers) does not mean you’ll face those realities…
Family is family, and in many cases and societies, no matter how far away you are, for better or worse, the safety net is always there and will never break.
My brother and I lived at home until I was 25 and he was 27 (had short stints living on our own elsewhere but it didn’t work out). I bought a house, he got married to a gal with a house. We did our own laundry and for the most part made our own food, but we didn’t pay rent.
If you ask our parents, they didn’t mind it one bit. I think mom preferred it. We’re just the kind of family that really gets along and can spend time together in a smallish house. Our dad is very nosy and he likes to know what we’re up to (he’s still that way) so he liked having us around to hear our gossip.
I had to stay home because I was starting my own business and that took a toll on me financially. Once the business started being more profitable, I started saving for a house and moved out.
My brother is just a prince and a mama’s boy, and would have been allowed to stay forever 
But, he was working and had his own car. There was just…no reason to leave.
But it’s a bit silly to assume that just anyone living away from home is a responsible adult. Just look at a college town. What if Mom and Dad are paying the rent or an allowance? Is knowing how to do your own laundry or pay a bill (assuming Mom and Dad don’t have direct deposit) really proof positive that you’re ready for the real world?
If moving out at 18 made one a responsible adult, there’d be an awful lot of Asian and Arab Americans out on the streets, unable to fend for themselves.
Yeah, I know plenty of people who cost their parents more by living “on their own” than if they’d just live with the parents. I actually have to swat away my dad when he’s trying to pay for stuff with my house. Some people’s families just work that way.
Ditto for this matter depending on cultural expectations.
In theory, I don’t think that there is anything wrong with living with one’s parents past the age of 25, but it is sometimes a symptom of an emotional problem (ie. an enmeshed relationship with one or both of the parents).
That all being said, I have to admit that I feel a modicum of envy for people who get along so well with their parents that they can do this, but then I quickly get over the feeling when I see the tensions between the people involved, sometimes unspoken. I also believe that some of the responsibility also lies with the parents for tolerating the situation and possibly infantilizing their daughter/son instead of supporting the person’s independence.
I agree as well with the other poster who stated that many people have family who regularly supplement their income even if the person has her/his separate residence or that person works for at their relative’s business. It’s not so black and white.
Simply living away from home, no. But if I’m not mistaken I said that one should be supporting themselves fully when they are physically capable of doing so. This generally includes paying all of your own bills, taking care of your own problems, etc.