You got to the mawl, or the stupidmarket or the office party and there he is. Or rather, there He is. Santa Claus. Kris Kringle. The Big Magillah. How, allowing the conceit that on Christmas Eve the On True Claus does indeed fly around the earth, forcing his corpulent corpus into the homes of strangers, do all of those other poseurs gain employ?
Is there a Santa Union? Are there official websites? Do you need to possess a naturaly rotund torso and flowing white beard? The beard thing doesn’t seem to be a requirement for gainful employment since an awful lot of those beards don’t look attached to anything but elastic.
A smily crinkly face with sparkling blue eyes? Quite a few Santas around have blue eyes. Do they sell tinted Santa Eye Color contact lens kits? Does each Santa coming to work at the mall have his own Santa Eye Color contact lens kit or do they share the same set of colored lenses from Santa to Santa, in some perverse and thoroughly unhygenic ritual of ocular filth?
What if you feel yoursel to be Santa Claus material? Are there questionnaires? How can I go about getting this gig? Does it pay well? What are the benefits? I know it’s seasonal, although the really top-dog Hollywood Santas get work from around March on, bceause big advertisers start working on Christmas promotional materials the spring before. Could a very dedicated and exceptionally authentic feeling Santa make this a 10-month gig every year, with 4 weeks in Boca and two 2-week breaks to do home maintenance and lube the rails on the Sleigh?
They have a whole price list: Santa alone has an hourly rate of $175, Santa and Mrs. Claus or Santa and the Star Fairy are $350/hour, all three are $525. Which sounds really skeevy, put like that.
I got my dad hired as Santa a few times after he retired. Never failed to find kids surprising and entertaining. The jobs were never advetised. If he was unavailable, I’d just ask around and someone would volunteer a relative.
Mr. Adoptamom is Santa at a few non-profits in our area (no compensation - strictly volunteer) and word of mouth has kept our phone ringing. He will only don the Santa suit and whiten his beard for non-profits who serve children in some capacity though because frankly temporarily coloring his beard, eyebrows and hair is a major PITA, not to mention the fact that he’s self employed and he usually misses a day of work in order to appear. He loves it though, and if I can brag a bit he’s a very, very good Santa. He starts growing his beard in the spring and by Christmas it’s full, long and fluffy, his eyes twinkle, and his HO HO HO’s are rich in timbre and authentic sounding. He always has great answers for the kids who aren’t quite sure if they still believe.
There are some downsides to being Santa that I never realized before he started this years ago. This is the first time in years that some excited child hasn’t peed on him and those suits aren’t cheap to dry clean.
and those suits aren’t cheap to dry clean.