How far down the chain do in-law relationships go?

[solost]

@RivkahChaya

My stepfather became part of my life when I was 31. But he was very kind to me, always remembering my birthday, and he loved my mother. She was a widow for more than 20 years, and he made those years joyful. It was not his fault my father had died.

More to the point, he was the only “grandpa” my son knew. He was as much a grandpa to my son as he was to his bio grandson.

Very nice story. Just goes to show, being a relative has more to do with relationships than biology.

[Tired_and_Cranky]

@peedin

When I was married, I never referred my husband’s brother’s wife as my sister in law

I wouldn’t either.

@peedin

and I did not view their children as my nieces and nephews.

Which seems very weird to me. These were your husband’s nieces and nephews and, in my upbringing, aunts were married to uncles and vice versa. My wife is an aunt to my nieces and nephews.

@peedin

However, I call my nephew’s wife my niece.

And yet, I wouldn’t do this. It’s just funny to me how different our views can be. it takes all kinds.

@peedin

What I really don’t understand are grown people referring to their stepmother or stepfather.

People seem to do this both ways, in my experience. For most I know, it would be “my father’s wife.”

@Roger_That

Try “cousin.” I once had to describe my relationship to someone and I came up with something like “he’s my mother’s brother’s son’s wife’s brother’s wife’s sister’s son.”

It’s like finding the least common denominator. “My mother’s brother’s son” reduces to “cousin.” “Wife’s brother” reduces to “brother-in-law” (with some ambiguity) and "wife’s sister’s son” reduces to “nephew” (with yet more ambiguity).

So I get, “My cousin’s brother-in-law’s nephew.” Of course, that wouldn’t clarify the exact relationship as well as your long sentence, but it’s a lot easier to say.

[Didi44]

There are specific terms in Chinese too. From Off The Great Wall:

Mandarin

The Complicated Chinese Family Tree

Cantonese

The Complicated Chinese Family Tree - Cantonese Version!

[RivkahChaya]

@solost

Very nice story. Just goes to show, being a relative has more to do with relationships than biology.

Also, if you ask me, how nice things can be if everyone is kind and assumes the best.

I realize I may be a little naive-- my extended family fortunately does not include any people who cannot be civil to each other for the length of a wedding reception.

Again, that has a lot to do with putting personal hurts aside, and thinking of other people.

I am lucky to come from a family where pretty much everyone knows how to do this.

Believe me, I KNOW this, and am very grateful for it.

And so, my brother’s SIL is also my SIL. She has Down syndrome, and is nice to everyone, and always remembers me, and my name, and the “Tree of Life” necklace I brought her from Israel.

And my husband’s stepsister’s adopted children are my nephews. Quite delightful boys, too-- adopted from Russia, and fascinated by the fact that I used to LIVE there, a long, long time ago. Their moms went to Russia to adopt them, but no one else in the family actually LIVED there, just like they did.

Also, as people who remember stories I’ve told before might know, just about my favorite person ever (aside from my son and my husband), is my aunt, who is an aunt by marriage, but has loved me so much. She has been a second mother to me, and since my parents, for different reasons, were somewhat reticent about affection, while I craved it, my aunt gave me all those hugs and snuggles I needed so bad.

I might even mention, that, in my family, your “aunt” or “uncle” was any older relative, and your cousin was anyone more or less the same age. Didn’t matter what the actual firsts, and second, and removeds were.

I think the answer to the OP is “As far as you want them to.”