Ye Gads!!
I don’t think I could eat that. I just have this image of a chunk of pork fat slowly oozing its way through my aorta.
I really think it would make my heart upset. I can just see it now…
::Scene: Me lying on couch an hour after ingesting bar.::
::Zoom to inside of body…::
::All is quiet, save for the beating of a heart…::
Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ba-splork…
::Close up of heart::
Heart (To self): What the… Pork fat? He has got to be kidding me. This is not happening.
Heart (To me): Hey, What is this? Have you been eating pure pork fat?
Me: Uhh… no?
::Heart, emerges from chest, holding doughy aorta::
Heart: Then what’s this?
Me: Umm… Well about that. Uhhh, you see… err, it was strangely tempting, and it was covered in chocolate…
Heart: You know, lately you’ve been taking me for granted, and frankly I’m not sure I’m going to put up with it anymore. I mean, my god man, pork fat! What don’t you just mainline some butter while you’re at it? Jeez…
Me: Well, I was curious.
Heart: Oh, you were curious. Well that explains everything. And what, pray tell, were you going to tell me when this little guy (holding up aorta) burst like a weak balloon? I mean really, I can’t work in this kind of environment. In fact you know what? I’m outta here. I mean it.
Me: But don’t I need a heart to live? And besides, you’re a heart. What are you going to do?
Heart: Well I guess you should have thought about that before now huh? You can throw a lump of ground beef in there for all I care. And I can take care off myself thank you very much. I’ve been working on an off-Broadway musical starring Mickey Rooney. So thank you very much, it’s been a blast, but I have to go now.
Me: But… I really need you!
Heart: Nope, sorry, my mind’s made up.
::Lifts luggage, jumps to floor, exits stage left::
Me: Write if you get work…
[sub] Oh wow do I just post that? I really need to get to sleep…[/sub]