We were at a restaurant and I stole it.
That’s about it. I know I’m compromising my run for Public Office by admitting to my penchant for petty theft, but I feel I letting you know about my shortcomings as well as my strengths makes me a more well-rounded person. And chicks dig the Bad Boys, the Rebels. That’s important too, impressing the chicks.
I could make up excuses why I felt entitled to the glass, but really, that would just be making… excuses. Like how they sat me under the vent. That would be pretty bad, but the restaurant was pretty crowded and it was hot and the vent wasn’t set to “gale force”, so it wasn’t bad. I mean it didn’t even make my food cold before I finished. Or how I asked for root beer and they said I could have root beer and then they come back and tell me “there’s no root beer” so I should have some restitution for my emotional pain and suffering, plus the angst. But I got Dr Pepper, and I like Dr Pepper, so that wasn’t so bad either.
The cold hard truth is I just wanted that glass. It was a good heavy glass with the restaurant logo on it. And the boys both got to keep their glasses. Even though they were cups and not glasses per se. And why would anyone bring a backpack/ diaper bag into a restaurant if not for me to stuff a restaurant glass in it to take home? To keep extra clothes in for little boys in case they spilled whatever they were drinking on their clothes and got them all wet and needed, say, a new shirt? No, I don’t think so.
But it’s not like I stole the forks. You have to draw the line somewhere.
Hmmm… that was pretty short. Ya wanna hear about my sunglasses? Well, a month ago I went to Costco and got my eyes examined and ordered a new pair of glasses. While I was there I also picked up one of those clip-on sunglasses thingies. Well, I was driving around this weekend and they fell off my glasses. Just plink and fell right off. Well, that ain’t right, so I looked at them. (Not while I was actually driving. I waited for a red light. Safety first, that’s my motto.) One of the little grabby hooks that holds it onto your glasses was gone. You need all four grabby hooks to hold the clip-on sunglasses onto your regular glasses and one was missing so they were now junk.
So I got home, squinting a little since it was all sunny, and had to find the receipt. Once I found it I had to go back to Costco. I made the mistake of thinking that since it was an eyewear problem I should go to the eyewear department. The eyewear department guy told me it was a return problem and I had to go to the return desk. So I went to the return desk and they gave me money for my junky broken clip-on sunglasses. I took my money back to the eyewear department and he took my money and gave me new clip-on sunglasses. With all four grabby hooks.
I wore them home and they seemed to work just fine.
But while I was at Costco I stole a five gallon bucket of kosher dill pickles and a mountain bike.
Ha ha! I kid. I didn’t steal anything from Costco.
As far as you know.
-Rue. (done now)