How I Came Into Possession of a Restaurant Quality Glass

We were at a restaurant and I stole it.

That’s about it. I know I’m compromising my run for Public Office by admitting to my penchant for petty theft, but I feel I letting you know about my shortcomings as well as my strengths makes me a more well-rounded person. And chicks dig the Bad Boys, the Rebels. That’s important too, impressing the chicks.

I could make up excuses why I felt entitled to the glass, but really, that would just be making… excuses. Like how they sat me under the vent. That would be pretty bad, but the restaurant was pretty crowded and it was hot and the vent wasn’t set to “gale force”, so it wasn’t bad. I mean it didn’t even make my food cold before I finished. Or how I asked for root beer and they said I could have root beer and then they come back and tell me “there’s no root beer” so I should have some restitution for my emotional pain and suffering, plus the angst. But I got Dr Pepper, and I like Dr Pepper, so that wasn’t so bad either.

The cold hard truth is I just wanted that glass. It was a good heavy glass with the restaurant logo on it. And the boys both got to keep their glasses. Even though they were cups and not glasses per se. And why would anyone bring a backpack/ diaper bag into a restaurant if not for me to stuff a restaurant glass in it to take home? To keep extra clothes in for little boys in case they spilled whatever they were drinking on their clothes and got them all wet and needed, say, a new shirt? No, I don’t think so.

But it’s not like I stole the forks. You have to draw the line somewhere.

Hmmm… that was pretty short. Ya wanna hear about my sunglasses? Well, a month ago I went to Costco and got my eyes examined and ordered a new pair of glasses. While I was there I also picked up one of those clip-on sunglasses thingies. Well, I was driving around this weekend and they fell off my glasses. Just plink and fell right off. Well, that ain’t right, so I looked at them. (Not while I was actually driving. I waited for a red light. Safety first, that’s my motto.) One of the little grabby hooks that holds it onto your glasses was gone. You need all four grabby hooks to hold the clip-on sunglasses onto your regular glasses and one was missing so they were now junk.

So I got home, squinting a little since it was all sunny, and had to find the receipt. Once I found it I had to go back to Costco. I made the mistake of thinking that since it was an eyewear problem I should go to the eyewear department. The eyewear department guy told me it was a return problem and I had to go to the return desk. So I went to the return desk and they gave me money for my junky broken clip-on sunglasses. I took my money back to the eyewear department and he took my money and gave me new clip-on sunglasses. With all four grabby hooks.

I wore them home and they seemed to work just fine.

But while I was at Costco I stole a five gallon bucket of kosher dill pickles and a mountain bike.

Ha ha! I kid. I didn’t steal anything from Costco.

As far as you know.
-Rue. (done now)

What restaurant?

Hmm, maybe that should be “Which restaurant?” BTW, if you are at BW3’s up in Mason tonight I’ll be the one not stealing glasses. Just so’s you know.

Jeepers Rue, and here I was thinking you were all upstanding and high society-like. Instead I discover that you’re just a common criminal with bad clip on sunglasses. My world, such as it is, has been shattered by this revalation.

-welby (in angst)
Then again, if it was a cool glass and I understand. What logo?

I don’t like pickles. Who here likes pickles? I would never, never steal a five gallon jug of them because I really don’t like pickles.

I am about to go to work, and then set out for Ottawa, so I won’t be able to participate again until Wednesday. Do not weep! I am about to attain my goal of Real Poutine!

We’re just going up to visit friends. It will be fun, although I read three Discworld books last week, and I’m expecting Ottawa to have turned into Ankh-Morpork. I rather hope it hasn’t.

Lissla, poutine is a phenomenon largely lost on us “South Americans”. Remind me what it is again, please? Also how do you pronounce it? Tell me that it’s closer to poo-tahn and not pootin’, which is something I might do if I eat too much poutine.

Oh, and I like most kinds of pickles. Although not the deep fried kind that I’ve found more and more restaurants serving around here (usually with ranch dressing as a dip). Blecch!

I, for one, think that kosher dill pickles are worthy of theft. However, I really do not want to go to prison and have to tell my cellmate that I’m there for pickle smuggling, because, man, that’d be embarassing. And potentially risky.

I went to that history fair thingy yesterday. Sadly, it was like a ren fair but without all the amusing acts and with more leather stuff and guns.* People-watching was fun, though. There was this one portly fellow who smelled like a campfire and was dressed all in deer hide from head to toe. He had a skunk hat and a nose ring through his septum.

*But it did have lots of disturbing cleavage, which is a hallmark of renfairs in my experience. Low bust lines on people who really shouldn’t have low bust lines…

Oh yeah Shibb. Like I’m going to tell you which (or what) restauarant. Then Red Robin will get wind of it and never let me in again. (We also paid cash in case they got me on the security video. No paper trail to lead them back to me.)

I thought it was a cool glass welby. Actually I know it was cool since it had a bunch of ice in it I had to dispose of and it was covered with condesation (glass sweat) I had to wipe off before I stuck it in the 'pack. It’s a clear glass with the logo of the restaurant that I won’t name so the Red Robin goons don’t track me down on it. If you saw it, you’d want to steal it too. So if you ever come over, I’ll be keeping a close eye on you, Bub.

Poutine is that french fry thing with gravy and cheese, yes Lissla? Try it with pickles. Mmmm-mm! And come on! Ottowa turning into Ank-Morpork would be so cool! But then, wouldn’t Michigan become Klatch? That would be good too. Not as good, but still good.
-Rue. (geographical)

Act 1, Scene 1

The scene opens on a small jail cell. Rollo “The Mad Dog” Pig Raper sits on his bunk. The cell door opens and Slortar enters.

Rollo: Whatcha in for, new guy?

Slortar: Um. Well.

Rollo: C’mon boy, tell me! Whatch’ in for?

Slortar: Pickle Smuggling. But it’s not like it sou-

Rollo: (Smiling widely) Really? Pickle smuggling huh? Where’d ya hide 'em? (Unzips pants)

Sortar: (At the door of the cell, banging on it) OH PLEASE GOD SOMEONE LET ME OUT!

Oh yeah. Gotta call out the people who mentioned French Fries covered in gravy and cheese.

I’m on the low carb thing, so that was just wrong. Pure torture. Think about me before you think about yourself from now on.

Carry on.

<Note to self: If Rue comes to visit, count the glasses before he leaves>

Yeah, who am I kidding. There’s nothing special about any of my glasses. Except that they’re mine. I suppose that’s reason enough for my #1 Special Friend to want one.

I’ve got a bunch of wine glasses I tried to get rid of this weekend - 25 cents each or all for $5. No one bought any, so I wrapped and boxed them as I closed down my yardsale. Maybe I need to come up with a cool logo to put on them, and then people would steal them and I’d be rid of them. I can’t remember the last time I used one. Lately, when I have wine, I drink it from a juice glass.

Life is kinda casual at FairyChatEstates.

Even without selling my wine glasses, I sold $27 worth of junk at the yard sale, plus $21 of stuff that my BIL left. So he and I both came out ahead. Except that he didn’t have to sit in the driveway/garage for 5 hours. I should charge him a commission for selling the stuff for him.

Does anyone else have the overwhelming urge to sing "When the red, red robin comes bob-bob-bobbin’ along…? Just wondering.

I never stole a glass from a restaurant tho I have several restaurant style glasses. I got to keep em as a souvenir. Well, they told me they were mine to keep so I did. I also have one of those insulated glasses with a University of Georgia Bulldawg logo on it. A friend brought it into my house and left it. When he mentioned he left his glass at my house I said, “Tough! It’s mine now.” So that wasn’t stealing either. It was “Finders Keepers, Losers Weepers” kinda. Or maybe it was more “Possesion is Nine-Tenths of the Law” since it was now at my house. Anyway, I still have the Bulldawg glass. I still have the restaurant glasses too.

I scrubbed down pool furniture and stored it in my pool house Saturday. I also dug up some azalea bushes, took em over to my neighbor’s yard and we planted them there. I didn’t want the bushes anymore but they did. So they have em. Wasn’t that nice of me to share the bushes? I also scrubbed out and stored four coolers Saturday. Also, I cleaned up my back porch. I was tired yesterday after all that, so I really didn’t do anything. Except make some chili.

And I went to the doctor at 8:30 this morning. I got blood drawn. My chloesterol is being tested. Then I went to Hardee’s and got a biscuit and some coffee since I couldn’t eat or drink anything before I went. My week didn’t start fun.

-swampbear (needle stuck first thing on Monday)

I don’t have any stolen glasses… All my glasses have little blue hearts on them and they match my plates.

My parents had a set of salt n pepper shakers that they stole from Victoria Station. They looked like beer bottles.

Now that the munchkin boy is here I get to go back on all my drugs. Not the good mind altering kind either… I have boring drugs like Lipitor and some other not so recognizable names to keep me healthy. I feel your pain Swampbear, I have my lab slip for my cholesterol test right here on my desk. I get mine done every 3-6 months since I have really high cholesterol (480 unmedicated)

I got my flu shot this morning too. I’m a priority since I’m in that generic ‘high risk’ category. I’m probably the healthiest chronically sick person you’ll ever meet!

Parallax helped out at the ‘Estate Sale’ at his grandparent’s house this weekend. Amazing how all your life’s treasures become yard sale fodder in short order once you’re no longer around to consider them treasures! I got to stay home and attempt to balance the needs of two munchkins. Didn’t do too badly at it either! No one was injured and both kids managed to get fed and dressed and playtime :slight_smile:

Tanookie (I really did try to get the bolding tags right but frustration won)

Crivens! Dinna ye ever nick summat what wasnae nailed doon? Ach, ye great scuppers!

Er… and no more song lyrics! You know how that goes. Although if you just want to hum to yourself, what’s the harm in that?

Speaking of songs, have you ever hear “Alice’s Restaurant”? (Which pulls together several posts since Alice had her restaurant near Canada and served up some mean poutine. Really.) They one guy dumped the trash and the sheriff found it and it had a letter in it and they followed the letter back to Alice’s restaurant with the mean poutine (using Police Work) and arrested the guy for throwing trash over a cliff. (I’m going from memory here, I’m not looking it up.) Anyway, he was taken down to the station and the mean lookin’ convict types were going to lean on him and asked him what he did and he said “littering” and that sorta scared them because what kinda littering do you have to do to get arrested?

I think slortar, if he played his cards right, could get some peace in the Big House if he told his "Pickle Russlin’ " story just right. As long as he didn’t mention being scared of cleavage.
-Rue. (waily, waily, waily)

I don’t want a pickle
I just wanna ride a stolen Ruecycle.

…with the 27 color glossy photos with the circles and the arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one …

Better be careful Rue, that restaurant mighta had a camera on you and took pictures. An’ then the ADA would have pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back describing each one and how each was to be used in evidence against you.
I wouldn’t count on getting a blind judge either.

My weekend was tiring. I spent from 9:00 am to 5:00 pm installing two lights and an outdoor outlet on our deck. Actually on the wall of the house next to our deck to be exact. And I also installed two new electrical outlets inside our bedroom on either side of the new sliding glass door while I was at it. I had to crawl under the house four times to do it too! Then I replaced the faucets on both sinks in the master bath. (The other baths bow down to it I suppose.) Then I drug my bruised and battered (not honey battered either, though that might be fun) body to the couch. So that was my Saturday.

Yesterday we drove in to Portland and went to the Somethingorother and Remodeling show and saw lots of neat stuff and I bought a new set of knee pads. (I’m a wild man I tells ya’!) Then we came home and ate a pork roast, well part of one anyway, with taters and stuff, and vegged out. All in all a decent weekend.

We’re getting a Red Rooster here in Tulsa. I can’t wait to steal a glass and be Rue-like. Do I need permission to be like Rue? I might even eat some chicken while I’m there. Or whatever it is they serve. I dunno…

I love pickles except when I was pregnant. Wouldn’t eat ice cream then either. Normally my two fav foods.

My Monday morning was going well until I opened this thread. Seriously. I think it’s cursed. See, I had bronchitis and laryngitis last week and still don’t have my full voice back. But, I dragged myself into work this morn and am just dealing with it. Then, WHAM! I open this thread between classes. Things start going south in this order: my voice starts to go, I leave campus and go to Sonic for a Chicken Club Toaster–I get back to school and it’s a plain, dry cheeseburger in my sack. I hate dry and I hate cheese on my burgers. Then, I open my Pepsi and it sprays all over my desk and keyboard which are now both very sticky. UGH!

I need some globs of sympathy from last week.

And I can’t resist: Is that a pickle in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Of course, I mean those big, gigantic movie theater pickles. Not baby dills. Sure, that’s what I meant.

mmm… (losing her voice…again)

Sounds like a Jack Chick strip.

Act 1, Scene 2


Damn nefarious tab button making me post prematurely. Continuing scene 2…

(Rue shows up wearing a red devil suit, holding a pitch fork.)

Rue: You knew what smuggling pickles would do to you, son.

Slortar (On knees, beseaching the heavens): NOOOOO!!!

Rue: Muahahahahahaa! Your soul is mine!

Slortar: Oh, no, I have AIDS now! Save me, Jebus!

Jebus (appearing from on high, much like a bearded guy in a white robe, which is what he is, thank Gob): No, you’re burning in Hell, long haired pickle smuggler. Burn!

Rue and Jebus: HAHA!

(Slortar burns in flames of perdition, hanging head in shame)

The End.