How I Know My Wife And I Are On The Same Wavelength

She: What’s the name of that guy? You know, creepy dude…
Me: Billy Bob Thornton?
She: Yeah, that’s him. Thanks.

my wife looks up from her magazine and I say okay I’ll go get you ice cream. Kids just sit there dumbfounded and ask me how I know. Thirty seven years of (mostly) paying attention.

My best friend in college once asked, “What’s that play?” and I correctly responded with, "Urinetown."Another time we were playing charades and I correctly guessed “Selena” before she’d even begun.

I remember this one time when I was married and the ex asked me, “say, what time is it anyway?” and right away I knew to respond, “you fucking bitch, you ruined my life!”
Ah, simpatico.

One time my husband and I were at a picnic and sitting with some people we didn’t know. He looked at me and asked “What was the name of that place?” I said “That place we went that time?” He nodded. I told him. The other people at the table moved away very carefully.

Quite the opposite for me.

Her: What’s the name of that guy?
Me: What guy?
Her: You know, he was in that movie you liked.
Me: Sharknado?
Her: You know, the one with Denzel Washington.
Me: You mean Flight?
Her: Yes, he played his friend.
Me: You mean John Goodman?
Her: John Goodman wasn’t in that movie.
Me: Yes he was, he played the guy who went to the hospital to help him.
Her: Oh, maybe it wasn’t that movie.
Me: <backs up whatever I was watching on TV because I missed it now>
Her: Oh wait, it’s Jeremy Renner.
Me: He wasn’t in Flight.
Her: I know.
Me: It does have Nadine Velazquez in it, and she’s naked.
Her: Of course you knew that.

We have one of these:

…talking about songs or something with my husband…
Him: who’s that guy? You know…the one with glasses who was from the 80s?
Me: Randy Newman.
Him: Yes!

Her: Who is the quarterback who married Jessica Simpson? I can’t think of his name but this girl was wearing his jersey at work and looked so unprofessional.
Me: Tom Brady.
Her: Yup! That’s it, he has long hair right?
Me: That’s him.
If I said Nick Lachey and said he was not a football player I would have been “wrong”.

You’d be (somewhat) right if you’d said Eric Johnson. He’s a retired tight end with the Niners and the Saints. They’re engaged, but not yet married and they have two children together.

The Kites, out for a Saturday drive yesterday.

DH: If I were in charge. . .

Me: I know you would.

DH: How did you know what I was going to say?

Me: Smiles, but thinks, “Because I’ve only heard you say it about 10,000 times by now.”

My brothers have been banned from playing Pictionary together.

Li’lbro: reads card, grabs pencil, looks at blank paper as if it bites.
Middlebro: “airplane”.
Family: “damnit, we know you two slept in the same room for so long you can read each other’s minds, but at least wait until he starts drawing!”

I’d guess she was thinking of Tony Romo.

The other day my mom and I were talking about pets. She said, “And then there are…what are those things called?” I said, “Hedgehogs?” She said yes. We hadn’t been talking about anything like hedgehogs, never have discussed hedgehogs before, and don’t know or particularly care about them. I don’t know how I knew that’s what she meant.

Was she in a prickly mood perhaps?

The ex came home once and said “My co-worker’s wife had a baby boy today”. I asked “What did they name him?” He said “Oh, I can’t remember. It was a name that doesn’t sound like a name”. I said “Declan?”. He said “Yeah, that’s it”.

This is the exact reason my parents aren’t allowed on the same team. Mom draws a line, and Dad gets it.

Madame P: Would you get me the Cheez Whiz?
I bring her the Cool Whip.
Madame P: Thank you!

Yes, the fact that she had a bowl of ice cream sitting in front of her helped.

My wife is horrible at describing things, so it has finely tuned my ability to guess what she’s thinking about. It amazes her.

My sister and I are the same, we aren’t allowed to be on the same team for charades. I lie down and she’ll shout “The Remains of the Day”, and freak everyone out. She holds up 8 fingers and I shout “Octopus’s Garden!” These are actual, literal examples.

How do you know, they always say. I can see, the way she looks, it’s a cheeky smile, she’s thinking of how she’ll show it so that only I will understand, but that’s already enough.