I don’t know its name, but it has wings, so it can fly away from here. And fricking big teeth and claws, so it gets some modicum of respect. And it’s mythical, so it doesn’t have to earn a goddamn salary.
Sigh.
Oh you can do that already…
As an Aussie I suppose I’d have to be a wombat. You know, eats roots and leaves.
A dung beetle, so I can take a load of shit.
Oh, wait…
This is really my favorite one so far.
I once filled out an application to work at a shoe store. There was a question, “Why do you want to work at Whateveritwas Shoes?” I was a little irritable from filling out applications all day and having to come up with answers for such stupid questions, so I put, “Because Al Bundy is my idol.” I don’t know why they never called.
A giant Sloar.
You see during the Rectification of the Vuldronaii, the Traveler came as a large and moving Torb! Then, during the Third Reconciliation of the Last of the Meketrex Supplicants, they chose a new form for him, that of a giant Sloar! Many Shubs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of a Sloar that day, I can tell you!
sniffs lampshade
So…who YOU gonna call? 
What kind of animal would Inigo be? and why?
I’d wanna be…a RIPPER! (do they count?)
Sorry…the “why” part wouldn’t get answered because I’d start hopping around the room maiming the interviewer and looking for beers.
“I’d be a candiru.”
Either the interviewer would know what it was and the interview would almost certainly end, or it would end halfway through my very graphic description of the beast.
Enjoy,
Steven
"Whoaaa, dude! You drop acid, too? Man, I’m always thinking of wierd shit like that when I’m on a trip … "
“Can I pick from the Monster Manual?”
A mountain lion, because they’re currently on the top of the food chain.
If I could be any animal, I’d be a liger.
I mean, my resume includes references to my bostaff skills and my computer hacking skills.
Tripler
C’mon! Gohhhhd!
I’d want to be a “Ravenous Bug-Bladder Beast of Traal” because I already assume that if you can’t see me then I can’t see you.
Answer Option One
Interviewer: “What animal would you like to be?”
Me: <ponders> “… An okapi.”
<long pause>
Interviewer: “Um, why?”
Me: <brightly> “Because it’s an okapi.”
Interviewer: “…Uh, okay.”
Me: “You know what an okapi is, right?”
Interviewer: “Er, no.”
Me: <smugly> “So you’re only pretending to know about animals when you ask questions pertaining to them? Sounds like I’m eminently qualified to work here. What kind of RDBMS would you like to be? Which ISO9000 regulation would you like to wear as a belt? What office-supply vendor do you want to tickle your happy sack? See, it isn’t so hard. When do I start?” <eye twitches>
__
Answer Option Two
Interviewer: “What animal would you like to be?”
<long pause while my eye wanders about>
<suddenly bolt out of chair and stab pointing finger at window>
Me: “That squirrel! Right there! That’s the fucker! Him! Him! Him!”
<short pause, then resume seat>
I’d like to be a poisonous trap door spider. You know, the kind that builds pits for its prey to fall into and then stings them so that they’re paralyzed but still alive then lays their eggs in the paralyzed prey so that the kids have a little something to eat when they hatch. Its all good: the trapping, the stinging, watching my kids hatch and grow. I think that would be so cool…and all of those traits are ones that would help me get ahead in business, wouldn"t they?
For some strange reason I found that inordinately funny.
Maybe because, as a cyclist, I really hate the furry little tree rats.
I think Snowboarder Bo got the job.
That’s really cool, except octopi don’t squirt ink. You’re thinking of a squid. Although an octopus/squid hybrid would be pretty cool. But we can’t have those until we get GWB to allow funding for animal hybrids. Let’s go march on DC right now! I want my octosquid!
And here I thought you were flirting with Hal.