Actually, oldbies spring fully formed from Cecil’s skull.
Handy typed
Or he has a life.
You’ll be a newbie until you learn how to use the Shift key. Check the SDMB Instruction Manual; it’s on page 1,364.
Aww, can’t a guy get a break?
It happened to be almost midnight where I was at, usually I am a phenominal typist, yet I still can’t spell, at least I don’t think I can. Anyways, its no fun to look everything up in a dictionary.
No, No, Grasshopper. It’s not the number of posts.
It’s when an arcane and unspecified group of super-secret “regs” (aka The Illuminati) meet under a gibbous moon and decide which posters are no longer newbies.
Then comes the initiation ritual. Let’s just say it features whips, chains, low-fat aersol whipped cream substitute, a very peeved goat, a somewhat tattered stuffed moose schlong, writing large checks to the SDMB Illuminati, and a CD of Yanni’s Greatest Hits.
Ouch! Quit throwing stuff! I was kidding, I was kidding!
At least about the Yanni CD.
Veb
Whew!
Until you corrected yourself about the Yanni CD I was clinging to Newbie status for dear life.
I already am a memeber of the Illuminati, at least the local chapter. We don’t do too terribly much in the way of world politics, but we do arrange for the most foul smelling carnies at the Shasta District Fair. (starting this evening(maybe already started)).
Honestly, the goat seemed to enjoy itself.
This post is hilarious. fnord, you’re a hoot. Welcome aboard.
Oh, and you’re a newbie until I say you’re not a newbie anymore. And you haven’t been hazed yet, so you’ve got some work to do, kiddo.
For your first hazing assignment, you have to find 3 of Milossarian’s threads and go flirt with someone in them. 
Two more days and you won’t be a newbie.
No, no, no, ultress. You have to make him do something to earn his status around here. Give him a hazing assignment so we can see if he’ll cut the mustard.
I said the mustard, fnord, not the cheese. Sheesh! Newbies.
Now I understand. How stupid of me. I should have realized that a challenge must be involved.
Ok newbie, post a thread dedicated to ChiefScott and fill it with smilies. He loves them. He can’t ever get enough of them.
Post to every one of his threads and fill your posts with smilies. You need to really suck up to him. If you do a good job, he might declare that you are a newbie no longer.
one down check out my thread - smiley. seems like chief scott put me on his most wanted list.
i dont know how to post links yet hope this dosent tick nobody off
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=27682
ill keep you up to date on the milosaurian one
Fnord:
I am not amused.
XXOO,
The Goat
aww what did i do?
ok here is my post dedicated to chiefscott
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=27693 hope its everything you hoped it would be
don’t look now but with 6 more posts you can have your 100th post party!*
*But you’ll still be a newbie.
fnord asks, “When will I no longer be a newbie?”
UncleBeer replies, “Judging by the thread you started and linked above, you may never make it out of newbieness.”
Well, hell! That means I’m still a newbie?!?
The godly and wise Beer says
Fuck that. He may never make it out of puberty.
Sorry if I already posted this…but now I’m wondering if I’m a newbie. I’ve been around since early April 1999, read the boards at LEAST a few times a week, but just don’t post much. Am I a newbie? Or just a chronic lurker? Please tell me what my SDMB species is!