What’s with the arbitrary 22 and 23 minute numbers, lol 
Errmm, sure there could have been extenuating circumstances, however, if he made the time and place because it was his day off, I think you gave him plenty of time. If it’s an accident or something then you two should be able to talk about it and make another date… if it’s just him being late, well if he’s that late on your first date, it’s not gonna get better, me thinks!
Personally I arrange to meet people in pubs, that way I can arrive, get myself a beer if they’re not already there, then sit and read my book. If I finish my pint and they havent turned up then I either have another beer, or have a wander.
I tend to be early anyway, I like the quiet beer and book thing.
This is one of my pet peeves. When someone says 5:00, that means 5:00, not 5:15 or 5:30. If they are unavoidably detained, call the restaurant or you to explain so. With the wide availability of cell phones these days, there is no excuse to leave someone hanging like that.
It depends on where and who it is. (BTW, I don’t have a cell phone and adamantly reject getting one, so I factor in that I can’t be directly and at reached at will.)
If it’s a place where I’m pretty comfortable, a half hour or so is no biggie. I always have a book or crossword handy and if nothing else it’s fun to people watch. But that’s only if it’s someplace where I can at least be inside, sit down and not be jostled around in a crowd. I hate “meat market pick-up” places and generally avoid them like the plague, but the few times I’ve been stuck waiting in them, the wait time got reduced sharply. If somebody’s going to keep me waiting, I’m not going to wait much more than 20 minutes if I can’t be at least relatively comfortable and unhassled. It also depends how busy the place is. I’ll at least order a drink to justify using their space. If other people are waiting, and I’m holding a place, that’s a toss up. The place loses money by my holding an empty space for the tardy one.
If it’s a good friend, who’s usually considerate, I’ll wait up to an hour or so, and mainly worry whether they’re okay. Traffic jams, bridge back-ups, needing to make an emergency run to an ATM, etc. all happen. It’s no big deal. If we’re meeting at a restaurant I’ll probably go ahead and at least order an appetizer. Waiting isn’t the big deal; mostly I just want my friend to be okay. (If somebody jerks me around like that more than once on a flimsy excuse, though, they’re relegated to “too flakey for anything more than okay-whatever.”)
If it’s a stranger or business appointment, I may give them a half hour, but they damned well better have the grace to apolgize, and I don’t mean a tossed off, “Sorry I’m late.” The few times the truly unavoidable kept me from meeting people promptly under these circumstances, I hoped they were still waiting but I didn’t expect it. But better believe, the time they weren’t, I sucked it up and called to apologize.
They were very gracious, btw, when they realized I tried and truly couldn’t help it. I was very grateful. So, Rubystreak, if the guy calls, I’d suggest giving him a chance and hearing him out. Uh…if he calls w/ an apology, that is. If he blows it off w/, “Bummer, too bad we missed each other”, then write him off.
Veb
[sub]Who hopes this doesn’t spark another endless, dreary trainwreck in the Pit over “time Nazis”.[/sub]
For a first date (as the OP was describing) I’d say 15 minutes. MAYBE a bonus 5 minutes more if I’m in a good mood. They can get a little more time if they’re able to call and say “I’m running late because _____”
If the person hadn’t showed up after 20 but had a real reason (emergency, trapped in a stuck elevator, etc.), AND had no way to contact me, but at least called post-facto and explained, then I’d forgive and consider a re-try.
If, conversely, they’re the type that simply runs 30 minutes late and expects that to be “okay,” then better we never got started with each other as that is not how I operate.
A half hour if they haven’t been to that restaurant before. That’s about it. Longer for friends.
2 hours so far…
Half an hour - long enough to give them the benefit of the doubt, not long enough to look like you’ve been stood up (unless it’s a restaurant, in which case 15 mins, then run for it!)
You said that he picked the time and place, but not where he was coming from and how far he would have to come.
Let’s imagine that, just as he’s walking out the door his boss grabs him, they have a five minute convo. There’s no reason to call you if he’s going to be five minutes late so he keeps going.
Traffic is worse than he thought, he realizes he’s ten minutes late - but it will take more time to get off the freeway and call the restaurant (which might not give you a message, that’s certainly happened before) so he keeps going.
He’s 14 minutes late as he pulls into the parking lot. The parking lot attendant is a jerk, and makes him move the car to a new spot. So he walks from the parking lot to the restaurant (to avoid looking needy) but he’s 17 minutes late, you’re gone.
That’s assuming he was coming from a place where he could reliably leave on time and had a short trip.
He probably hasn’t contacted you because he thinks you stood him up - which isn’t unreasonable.
Two words:
Mobile Telecommunications.
Godsend! At ten minutes past the time, you call him.
I don’t see a lot of extenuating circumstances. Friday is his day off. The boss did not call him back to work late. He picked the place AND the time. We don’t have each other’s phone numbers, but the restaurant is in the phone book. He had been there before. It’s in the center of town, not some obscure, distant location from where he lives.
I waited 15 minutes, then walked a block to my car, then drove by the place again just in case. Nada. Also, there is a big municipal lot across the street, so he couldn’t claim he couldn’t park. There was no traffic that day; after I left I hit the highway to go to Wegman’s, and it was clear. This is a small city in upstate NY-- there are no freeways and no traffic jams. It doesn’t happen unless there’s a major road accident (which there wasn’t).
The REASON I don’t want to arrange a second date is that I’m not really interested in this guy. He kinda rubbed me the wrong way right off the bat; he was never relationship material AFAIC, but I said I’d meet him just for the hell of it. Now, when I see him again, we’re going to have to have some big conversation about why he wasn’t there, and I don’t feel up to it. (My last LTR was chronically late, and I decided that’s a quality I will NEVER put up with again, ever.) I’d rather just say, “Hey, no hard feelings. Let’s just let it slide.” That seems reasonable to me.
For a first date, being late is inexcusable. If you don’t know whether if you will be stuck in traffic, add in more slack. Make it an hour instead of 30 minutes, so you have plenty of time to spare. Also, bring a mobile with you, so you can call if some crap happens. If you can’t be prepared for a first date, tough cookies.
My time limits are:
Meeting a coworker for a beer after work - 10 minutes
Meeting a friend - 30 minutes
Waiting for mom - 2 hours
Waiting for SO - as long as it takes 
First date, set up by the other side: 10 minutes
First date, set up by me: 20 minutes
hijack
Which is particularly important in your case
“Where the hell is the hippy?”
“On the train still. I could phone him again.”
(check my profile if you’re wondering how the hell I know you )
/hijack
Anyway, yeah, phonecalls and text messages are the way forward - if you have each other’s phone number. I guess if the guy didn’t have your number to call if he became late, then he probably should have made extra effort to be on time.
Well, if you weren’t really interested in him to start with, why bother to arrange to meet in the first place? Also, maybe he had second thoughts - picking up on the fact you were ambivalent about him and decided there was a chance (albeit incorrectly) that you might not show up, so therefore why should he? Just a thought.
carodin: Why did I agree to have dinner with someone I was not wild about? Because it might be nice to have dinner with a new person. I don’t have to commit to marriage in order to share a meal with a guy; I was hoping for some pleasant conversation for an hour or so, nothing more. If he didn’t show up b/c he “picked up on my ambivalence” then he is an asshole and not worth my time. I said I was going to be there, and I was. Since he made the date, it behooved him to do the same. Thinking you probably weren’t going to score is no excuse for standing someone up.
Why would he assume that he would score? If he did, then agreed, he was an arsehole. Again, agreed it’s always nice to meet new people, it’s just if you didn’t think that much of him to start with, why bother?
Better luck next time.
If he hasn’t contacted you in some form by now, he either:
a) flat out stood you up.
b) is completely inconsiderate
c) is a little of both with some general boobery and eyes of newt thrown in for good measure.
A dinner date at 5 p.m.? That should have been a tip-off right there.
<5 min late: who cares?
5-10 min late: It’d be nice if you gave me a cheap excuse but I won’t be bothered if you don’t.
10-15 min late: I want a cheap excuse.
15-20 min late: I want a contrite cheap excuse.
20-30 min late: I want a real, contrite excuse.
>30 min late: I want a phone call apology and a free drink.
A phone call apology, because I am no longer there waiting after 30 minutes.
carodin: It’s not that I didn’t think that much of him. I thought he was a bit of a weird cat, but not weird enough to turn down an offer of company for dinner. In other words, I wasn’t madly in love or even harboring a crush. It was just going to be dinner. No big deal, but then not to show up, not cool.