It really wouldn’t matter to me if we never had sex.
Could be. To add to the data, I’m in a five-year committed relationship. Three or four dates still seems right to me.
For me recently, I didn’t think about if/when sex would or wouldn’t happen. I was just enjoying his company, then he kissed me, then next date we made out, then next date there was a moderate amount of naked skin, then next date there was sex. I never thought about or expected a progression, it just happened. But I’m a girl. Maybe he was like, “C’mon, c’mon, C’MON, COME ON!”
Well said.
I’ve mentioned in other threads that I’m not a 3rd-date-rule kind of girl. It has nothing to do with proving anything to anyone or past partner choices (huh?).
Like Manda Jo says, it isn’t a judgmental thing because plenty of my friends will do the first or second date sex and I certainly don’t think any less of them for it. Hell, one of my friends is nearly a real-life Samantha from Sex and the City. I personally just think that sex can cause a false sense of intimacy and make people think there’s something there when there may not be.
No, I don’t put too much importance on sex and need to “save” it for some reason. I just do not choose to have sex with everyone I happen to find myself attracted to. Have I lost out on guys who may have been great for me because I wouldn’t have sex after a few dates? Probably.
Lets see, I tend to fuck on the first or second date… So if sex is not a happening thing three or four dates in then things are weird. I guess if the fella were really into waiting I’d let it go a couple weeks, but any longer then that he’s out. Momma gots needs.
(All hypothetical of course, since I’ve been with my lurvly husband 7 years. Fucked him on the first date.)
If my own sexual history is relevant, I’d say 5 minutes, tops.
I could wait as long as a few months, maybe a year, if all the stars lined up and she was beautiful, open, kind, a good kisser, and there was a steady progression towards sex. I don’t know how long I could wait if there was never anything past kissing, but if we’re doing other preliminaries and making regular progress, I’d be willing to wait longer. Three to five weeks is more like my preference, though.
I waited more than a year (of actual dating time, broken into two chunks) before my current girlfriend was comfortable. She is worth it, though now that I’m older I don’t know if I’d wait that long again.
People have tried to set me up on blind dates but when I insist, “I don’t date anyone that I am not having sex with,” I usually get puzzled looks. I will, however, go out with just about anyone if it sounds like fun.
For the right person I would wait as long as it takes.
As for me : kiss should happen on the first date, sex should happen - at the latest - on the second date.
But I don’t like women who sleep on the first night : you have to wait the whole afternoon 
I would think six months was at least five months too long. I’d have assumed it was never going to be more than a friendship and moved on well before the six month point.
Depends on whether you’re also having sex with someone else. And everyone is different. Just a guess, but someone who thinks there a rule to apply, like 3rd date=sex, dating someone who doesn’t recognize such a rule, isn’t going to turn into a good relationship.
I need emotional intimacy before I’ll have sex, and I can’t imagine having that on the third or fourth date unless we’d already been friends before that. I can’t remember how long it took with my last two boyfriends because we’d known each other for some time before we formally dated.
I’m not frigid or non-sexual, I just don’t feel comfortable having sex where I don’t feel intimacy. I have a lovely boyfriend, but if I were on the market again, the ideal guy for me would be one who waited until I felt comfortable with him.
When I was younger I wanted sex NOW!
Then I got older, religious and (hopefully) mature.
My wife and I waited until after marriage.
Then we got divorced.
I haved dated in 6 years, no sex either, I kissed 2 girls but nothing else happenned.
Now, I have no sexual desires at all and no interest in dating. And I’m fine with that.
Weird.
When it becomes a problem
I don’t know; I’ve been married 10 years now (and together 12) and if I was to be back in the dating pool, I’d want sex pretty damn quickly.
Sexual compatibility is critical to a relationship, for me. And any guy who’s fine going six months without sex is not sexually compatible with me. After a date or two, we probably know whether the chemistry is there or not, so what are we waiting for, exactly? If we both aren’t pretty much dying of horniness after two dates, IMO it’s probably not going anywhere and we should move on.
I have to agree with you on that - you can’t blame someone for learning from past relationships and behaving accordingly. But as JRD says it’s likely an indication of unpleasant issues that you might have to deal with later. I’ve gone a lot longer than a month without sex before, so the wait wouldn’t kill me. However, the emotional baggage to come might not be worth it.
For me, it would depend on why we were waiting and how we were otherwise connecting. If I was dating someone I thought was amazing and hilarious, but who preferred to take sex slow due to past experiences, I’d be OK waiting it out for weeks, maybe months. I think that’s a pretty atypical situation, though. Usually, if the physical connection isn’t there, other things are missing as well and the whole thing just fizzles. Vice versa, when you really click with someone, the sex just comes along for the ride.
I will hop on this bandwagon…
If a woman has not decided to be with me after a few dates, maybe a few weeks, then it probably isnt going to happen. I meet alot of people via internet personal ads, sometimes there are extensive conversations on the phone before meeting and I don’t start the timer till we meet in person. Once the initial meet is done, you have had a chance to form some opinions of me and have probably decided for yourself if you are gonna sleep with me or not, waiting is just a game at that point.
There’s no such thing as too long for me. An ideal time for sex would be never.