Ok, a lot of you have cats, but i’m noticing a definite trend towards many of them are evil or at least much smarter then they’re letting on (not just from the messages on here, a good friend of mine has a cat whom, we are quite sure, intends fully to kill us all and dance on our bones. We also suspect the cat is selling crack to small children)
Just how far spread is this trend? Is it possible that they’re planning something?? Those with cats will know that they already control our lives… one more step and they rule the world (Keep in mind Clinton’s cat Socks is seldom in the spotlight, like some furry puppet master…)
Upham
I moved out before our old family cat could get me, but I always got the feeling he was just biding his time. Waiting for just the right moment to make his move.
He looked evil lying there. Yellow eyes staring. His tail moving slowly back and forth. Back and forth. “Tonight, human…”.
But then I’d go over and scratch his neck for a while and he’d decide to keep me around. For the time being.
Aha! Cats are the Illuminata. I think “evil cats” is redundant. (And yes, I love cats. Of course, that could just be their mind control working – what do you think the purring is for?)
I used to have a part Siamese that we ended up calling ‘Meanie’. Around me she was extremely affectionate and a big ole’ lapcat. If anyone else should up it was a different story. This cat actally chased people out of my apartment. Whenever anyone would come over, I’d have to lock her in my room. She was a psycho, but I still miss her!
Oh, ho—you want evil? I have two cats: good cat (Lillian) and bad cat (Dorothy). Some of Dorothy’s little tricks:
• I caught her building something. She was in the kitchen cabinets rooting around and making a pile of various implements. A crossbow, I’m pretty sure.
• She trips her sister and has balled up her little fist and punched me in the beezer.
• It takes four technicians to hold her down for X rays at the vet.
• One of her eyes is smaller than the other, so she always looks like she’s Up To Something.
• When she’s cross with me, she poops on the kitchen floor.
• I’m not quite sure where she was when TWA 800 exploded . . .
You know that incredibly important document you must have for that meeting tomorrow? My polydactyls put those extra claws to work.
You know that set of keys for your car and house? Mine take them as toys, then, when you lock yourself out of the house, they stand on each other so they can see out the peephole and laught at me.
Cats stare, sure, but mine stare at me while I’m asleep. I wake up to them taking careful notes about my anatomy. I know they’re planning an attack which involves sharp objects and my ear canals.
Cats are just evil, they are intentionally sinister, malevolent, mischievous, nefarious and malicious. Damn, I love 'em.
Mine must be more evil than most! They would completely fool you. You’d think they were nothing but sweet. They purr, cuddle, snuggle…they seem so innocent! I KNOW they’re up to something…
(jumps up and down waving her hand in the air) Me! Me! Me!
Actually, I have 3 very good cats, and 1 evil cat. He always gets in the trash, jumps on counters, steals pens and hair scrunchies, attacks everything that moves, howls when he does not have attention every minute of the day, and “muscles” the other kitties out of his way at feeding time.
If you count a cat that can produce mind boggling smells that send you running for the nearest fallout shelter, then nominate Chiara for world’s foulest and most evil farter.
I’m not sure if my cat is actually evil, or merely extremely annoyed at the world.
She hogs the bed. if you are trying to figure out how a 10 pound cat can hog the bed, well, all I can say is you’ve never met pixel. She keeps the Great Dane from jumping on the bed. By hissing at him.
She faced down a pitbull once. The dog required 8 stitches.
I’m pretty sure she is the one who gets in the garbage, and then makes the dogs spread it around so they get in trouble.
She types, by walking across the keyboard. I’m pretty sure she was responsible for the y2k hype.
She kills birds. Mostly. But mainly she brings them to me, in bed (when she isn’t hogging it) with at least one broken wing.
She is amazingly sweet when other people are around. I think she may be trying to get me committed.
She keeps luring the black tom cat over the fence into the back yard. So that he can play with the aforementioned great danes.
My cat, Spooky: the Thing What Squeaks, communes with the Kitty Warlord. I’ve seen her. They all do. The water faucet is their communication device. Here all this time you thought they were trying to get water out of it… HA!
And afer reading about Bashere’s cat, I think we now know the identity of the Kitty Warlord. :eek:
I am a victim of cat abuse. I have to be quiet typing or Kitty will hear me. If she feels that here litter isn’t upto standards (and we do keep it clean) or she wants some human food she hits me. Hard. Don’t laugh, it can hurt more than you think. She starts out with pop, no claws. If I try to ignore her, she slowly lets her claws out so the slaps become punctures. We tried to take her to the vet. My husband ended up needing stitches. My dog is afraid of her. And just when I think I have had enough, she looks at me sweetly and with her eyes, she promises never to hit me again. I believe her every time.
Little Notdog (as i’ve said before, i’m not really very good at naming things…) has a few stunts of it’s own along the lines of the standard Reprise Crapping. I think it’s still mad at being an IT rather then either of the other alternatives.
Notdog has the run of the house; though we try and keep the door shut it’s taken to the heating ducts. We thought we’d found the one it was getting in. We were wrong.
It’s also taken over a section of the basement where, and i cant be sure of course because if the dog, a 30 lib soon to be 90lib German Shepherd pup named Banjo (I can’t take credit for the name) can’t get in there there’s no way in hell i’m trying, i’m fairly sure it’s building some sort of nuclear device. Key household items keep going missing and i’ve been getting large, heavy packages for someone named Charles Atkins Thompson (yes, i noticed the acronym, we’re all a little worried). They tend to disappear mysteriously before we can return them, and when we do Notdog goes on a 2 week reign of terror… coincidence?
I swear to god i woke up one night and it was looking at me wearing goggles asking me where i put the welding equipment. Then it tried to pretend it was all a dream by dancing like that frog in the Warner Brothers cartoon. Granted that was back when i was still on a lot of drugs after the surgery, but they know when to take advantage…
Anyway, i’ve got to be careful how much i say, i’m pretty sure it’s got the phone tapped…
Upham
Allow me to introduce my cat Chili. Care to guess why he’s called Chili???
Besides producing gas that would knock a buzzard off a dead cow, Chili is becoming increasingly evil as Rocky the kitten gets older. Chili will do things just to annoy us, and he will look right at you as he’s doing it, as if to say, “Look at me! I’m being a prick!”
He’ll meow, wait for you to look, then knock a pen off the counter, or rattle the aluminum blinds, or flip his food bowl, etc.
Chili, meet my fuzzy little bundle of HELL, Telecatster.
We got this cat when he was just the cuuuuuuuuutest little kitteny thing, just weaned from his mother. Oh, he was darling. We got him to fill the void left by the death of our Good Cat, Sovtek, when he died this past Father’s Day.
Sovtek was a street cat who adopted us. He liked us. Well, he liked my husband, the kids, and the dog. He didn’t have much use for me, but he didn’t bother me.
Tele, on the other hand, has grown up to be Chief Henchman for Satan’s Kitty Minions. He’s got cloven paws, I swear.
My kity was a little sweetie for a long time, then I moved into a new apartment and she started biting the hell out of my ankles everytime I got out of the shower. It got so bad I called the vet. She told me that the cat didn’t like the way I smelled after a shower (ie, not my usual stinky self, I guess) and I needed to shut the bathroom door until I was through with my morning routine. Freaky.
We had a cat like that once. She was a tiny little black cat, couldn’t have weight more than 6 pounds, sweet as can be, and a great Momma cat, and she kept the yard dog-free. I’ve always said that any cat with enough attitude can face down a dog twice it’s size, after all, they use five weapons (mouth & 4 claws), while dogs just use one.
originally posted by, err, me
**She faced down a pitbull once. The dog required 8 stitches. **
Pixel cheated. This was when I lived on a boat. The pit chased her down to the boat. She made it in through her open window. He stuck his head in, but couldn’t get in any further than that. She turned and clawed. Repeatedly.
I felt pretty bad about it; the dog belonged to divers who cleaned the bottoms of boats, and they were pretty nice people.