Well, if Satan was doing God’s work, I’d say that makes him merely the associate who did His bidding. I’ll chalk those up to God’s work.
Selective? You bet… But I don’t wanna fuck up my tee-shirt!
Yer pal,
Satan
Let me now when and where to place my order. Sounds like a nice holiday gift for my overly pompous religious friends.
I agree with Revtim
“Do or do not, there is no try” - Yoda
Hrm… this is definitely an interesting idea. May I suggest the following design:
(On front of shirt)
Divinve Kill Sheet
(Or any snappy title that shorter than “NUMBER OF PEOPLE IN THE BIBLE KILLED BY GOD/SATAN”)
God: 15,957 ----- Satan: 0
(Then list all of gods victim on the left, and leave the right side blank. The names will likely extend to the back of course, with the left side filled and right side empty)
Ah, but who said, “I hung around St. Petersburg / When I saw it was time for a change / Killed the Czar and his ministers / Anastasia screamed in vain”?
Maybe post-biblical, but sounds like a confession to me. And conspiracies? “I shouted out / Who killed the Kennedys / When after all / it was you and me”.
Pleased to meet you. Can you guess my name?
Doghouse Reilly
Exits, pursued by a bear
Not bad, Satan.
Of course, to be fair, you should also include “Number of people given life by G-d - Number of people given life by Satan.”
But of course, it’s not my cool tee-shirt idea…
Chaim Mattis Keller
ckeller@kozmo.com
“Sherlock Holmes once said that once you have eliminated the
impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be
the answer. I, however, do not like to eliminate the impossible.
The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it that the merely improbable lacks.”
– Douglas Adams’s Dirk Gently, Holistic Detective
Also please remember that the modern-day version of Satan (as a kind of negative-god) is very different from the Biblical interpretation.
How about “number of times Satan is mentioned in the Bible”? In Old Testament, aside from the Book of Job, almost never. And even then, Satan is not a fallen angel with wicked life-death power, he is more like an adversarial lawyer for the prosecution, who argues the case against people.
Satan,
Your comment about people stealing your idea reminded me of a quote I read recently, to whit:
Don’t worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you’ll have to cram them down people’s throats.
—Howard Aiken—
“I should not take bribes and Minister Bal Bahadur KC should not do so either. But if clerks take a bribe of Rs 50-60 after a hard day’s work, it is not an issue.” ----Krishna Prasad Bhattarai, Current Prime Minister of Nepal
A GOB! Plus, eventually all non-believers (provided you define ‘kill’ as not making it to heaven) 
VB
Remember, you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish!
Nope. Too easy…
Yer pal,
Satan
Killing or Murder…there is a HUGE difference. Murder, in so far as I know, is the unlawful and malicious or premeditated killing of one human being by another (Thank you Mr. Webster). Killing is to just cause death, or to make die (Again from Websters).
And, in God’s HOLINESS and SOVERIGNTY above all things, He can pretty much do what ever He wants to do.
Regardless, everyone that was killed as mentioned in the Bible had several chances to turn to God. And, in His pure and just Holiness, punished these people by death.
And, as far as I know, their eternal souls are burning in the pit of hell.
Jist of what i’m saying… God didn’t want to kill anyone, but had to because of their wickedness and failure to turn to him. And, it’s just a matter of time before it happens again. Mark my words.
yawn
Go preach somewhere else.
–
Teeming Millions: http://fathom.org/teemingmillions
“Meat flaps, yellow!” - DrainBead, naked co-ed Twister chat
O p a l C a t
www.opalcat.com
Linney:
So I guess you’re not interested in a tee-shirt then, huh…
Yer pal,
Satan
Say, how did God give those Egyptian kids a chance to worship him before they were all gased?
cmkeller, I’m guessing you’re Jewish? You spelled “god” like “g-d”.
Anyways, the real question is who would win a fight between God and Satan?
Ah, back to my little cave…
Okay, let’s tackle these one by one, with reasonable guesses. First of all, what would the world’s population have been before the flood, approximately?
Yer pal,
Satan
Hmmm. OK, Adam and Eve had at least four surviving kids, Cain and Seth and their wives. Genesis 3 lists six generations of Cain’s descendants, while Genesis 4 lists nine generations of Seth’s. Most of these people begat an indefinite number of sons and daughters, so we don’t know exactly how many kids they had. We do know that Lamech had four children, and the phrase “sons and daughters” seems to imply at least as many, so let’s use four kids per couple as a conservative estimate.
This doesn’t seem like a huge number, but it puts the number of Cainites in the sixth generation at 16,384. The Sethites in the ninth generation would number 1,048,576, for a total world population of 1,064,960 by the time Noah’s sons came along. If we figure even half of Noah’s generation was still alive (Noah was 600 at the time of the flood), that’s another 133,120 people for a total of 1,198,080 – assuming Noah’s sons and their contemporaries hadn’t yet started their own families.
Isn’t exponential growth wonderful?
Observe the snow. It fornicates.
Zor:
Let’s put it this way: The Egyptians had plenty of forewarning that their firstborns would suffer the consequences if they didn’t free the Israelites. In fact, that threat was made even before the first plague.
Clueless:
Correct! You certainly don’t seem clueless to me…
Well, given the Jewish definition of Satan as mentioned by CKDextHavn, clearly G-d would.
Chaim Mattis Keller
I know it’s nit picky but the whole shirt idea seems to be a collection of nits, and a good nit could add a smile to your shirt.
The second item on Seraphim’s list excludes Lot’s wife. I think that turning her into a pillar of salt would effectively kill her. You could list her death in a separate line as it was a separate incident – sort of.
Well, since they’re all dead now, and they were all mortal 'cause God made 'em that way, the correct answer would be “all of them.”
I do admit that this does not lend itself to a punchy T-shirt.
…but when you get blue, and you’ve lost all your dreams, there’s nothing like a campfire and a can of beans!