Yes, I’m ripping off Ben and his scientist thread! So… are you a writer too? Or do you want to be one? (Or just look like one?)
Tell us what you write or why you want to write.
And you WILL be graded on content, spelling, punctuation… just kidding! 
I am a published writer. I write mostly short stories and novels. I’ve done everything from the Sunday Post type story to hard core pornography. I love words and playing with them, rolling them around my brain, mouth and fingers… what about you?
I started a fanzine called Curious Goods back in 1989 on my dad’s old computer on an ancient version of Word Perfect.
Since then, I wrote for Creem (like my idol Lester Bangs), was an assistant editor for the metal magazine Livewire, and was also published in tons of magazines including Rip, High Times, publications in England such as Metal Hammer and a few magazines in Brazil - No, I don’t speak Portugese (they translated for me), and yes, I was the poorest writer published in three continents.
I did a few bios for artists for record companies and PR firms as well during this time, and pitched a few interested book publishers about a book on the metal scene of the late '80s and early '90s and how it foreshadowed what would come, but my partner and myself never got the time to get it together. Maybe before I die…
Also, as a few people know, when I was making my living as a writer, I also was involved in porno. Writing for porno mags (such as Oui and Adult Cinema Review), not acting, silly! This involved interviewing starlets and reviewing movies. I went under the name A.C. Spade - taken from Motörhead’s “Ace Of Spades,” but it sounds tré porn, no?
Now, some sage advice for anyone who wants to make money as a music critic: Sell your word processor.
Yer pal,
Satan
I HAVE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR:
Three months, two weeks, six days, 2 hours, 52 minutes and 25 seconds.
4444 cigarettes not smoked, saving $555.60.
Life saved: 2 weeks, 1 day, 10 hours, 20 minutes.
I’m a writer. I write poems, short stories, and I have always wanted to write novels. I live it write, I love writing. One day I hope to publish, but I don’t think I’m good enough to make a living out of it, so I don’t plan on becoming a professional writer.
I’m not much of a writer, on account that the thousands (literally) of well-plotted, character-driven stories in my head that amuse me all day long refuse to leave my head through my hands.
I simply can’t put the stories into words very well. But I do keep trying.
I’ve written maybe two complete things that were decent, one of which is up on my homepage. (http://john_altum.tripod.com/mel.html )The other should be up, but it’s on my zip disk and my home computer doesn’t have a zip drive, so it won’t be up til 8/12 soonest. Both are really more outlines than story.
I am also trying to slam out a fantasy story that, unlike most stories of mine is self-contained. (As opposed to sprawling out across decades, planets, and generations) The odds of me giving up are high, but I’m exchanging chapters with a friend who’s doing a Star Wars fanfic, so maybe he’ll keep me on task.
My dream job is to be a translator of other people’s writing. I know I don’t sound qualified from the above, but once some one else has found the right words in one language, I have a bit of a knack for finding the corresponding ones.
–John
“Is a music critic considered a writer?”
Oh, I don’t know. Critic… isn’t that the afterbirth of the artist?
Seems to me you have a very vast writing career and I’m sure I’ve read some of your writing. Is music your favorite topic? Did you get involved in pornography for love or money? I got involved purely by accident. But once I did, I found out I had a real knack for it. And the money was good. What about you?
As for anyone wanting to make a butt load of money from writing: I have to agree with the Dark Lord himself: “Sell your word processor” and learn a marketable skill while you slave over your real passion!
Frankly, I made the bulk of my money as an accountant. I’m just now, after 15 years, actually making “good” money from my writing and other artist pursuits.
And really, Satan, writing FOR porno, sure, sure, yeah, yeah! And how do you find the time when you are taking dictation for Drain’s posts? Sure, yeah, SHE said it. Uh, huh. Well, happy 3000 anyway!
(If you don’t get the joke, other posters, you might want to venture into the Pit. I know Satan gets it… or I sure as hell HOPE he does!)
Well I [b}should** be writing my dissertation right now–does that count?
My job isn’t writing, per se, but I tend to get more of the writing-related assignments when they come down the pike.
And I am published…once in an academic journal, and once in “True Confessions.” No, that’s not a joke, but what I sent in was.
pepperlandgirl – You never know. What kind of novels would you like to write? And even if you don’t think you could ever be “professional” I would kindly suggest to you that you should write the novel that is in you all the same. Even if you share it with no one… just to have written it for yourself is such a wonderful feeling!
I remember, very clearly, being about 16 and sitting down at this old, manual typewriter I bought for 25 dollars and pounding out over 60 pages of my magnus opus… it was the most sad, pathetic drivel you would never want to see! No margins, single spaced, riddled with spelling, capitalization and other errors… but it was my start. I still have those pages with me today! And I can look at them and see how I’ve grown.
Yue Han – if I could dare to suggest to you a bigger “narrative hook”. You have a great idea there but you need to immediately draw the reader in with something like:
His name was Lee Harvey Oswald, but he wasn’t the famous one who killed President Kennedy. He was just a boy, a simple boy, who happened to have the same name. Hated, reviled, vilified, just for the very name he bore.
That’s a narrative hook. It will get the reader to go on and find out why this poor guy got this name and how everything links up.
Also, you describe events in a weird third person perspective. Make it more immediate by describing it through the black teacher’s eyes or one of her students, not as you, the omnipotent writer saying it.
Just IMHO. But I think you have a great idea there.
I’m a writer. I’m also a writer suffering writer’s block, but that’s a whole 'nuther story…
I mostly write fantasy (not that kind. Perverts :P), but I also write poetry and horror, in approximately that order.
Some of my fiction (most of it from years ago) is available on my website: http://ngwalme.freeservers.com/ Same with some of my poetry.
I’ve also had a short story accepted through a double-blind review process at http://www.theharrow.com/, an online horror/fantasy 'zine. I say double-blind because it’s important in this case: I’m also an editor on the board.
I also write fanfic when I’m blocked; I don’t post it anywhere and usually it’s enough to get me unstuck, but not recently. Aargh!
I have written three novels and a couple dozen short stories, all unpublished. (I have no plans to publish them.) Writing is the only thing that keeps me sane, and it’s a damn sight cheaper than therapy. I write science fiction and fantasy, most of it parody or satire.
I find that since I’ve started writing seriously, I no longer have much interest in reading other people’s fiction. I can’t read a novel without criticizing the writing style, and that ruins the story for me. Benjamin Disraeli said it best, I think: “When I want to read a good novel, I write one.”
**
What on earth of mine could you have read? Drain Bead didn’t read any of my stuff and she was at my apartment! 
**
Yes, followed closely by sports. The first story I ever had published was a sports story, oddly enough. I interviewed Chucky Robinson, who was a Freshman in my HS at the time. He was (and presumably still is) the younger brother of David Robinson of NBA fame. The interview was for my HS newspaper from the school David graduated from.
Aside form personal scribbling, it was also the last time I ever was published about sports.
**
The money. The magazines were published by the same company that did a couple of music mags I wrote for. The editor of the porno rag was bitching about going to a shoot in NJ. I jokingly said I’d do it. He said really? I jokingly said how much? He came back with a figure 3x what I would get for a music story. I quickly said yes.
**
I was unaware that you were in the biz, Byz! Do tell… I got paid nice, and the, uh, fringe benefits were quite, uh, beneficial!
**
Must be nice! I am doing some scribbling for local magazines and a local website {http://www.raleighmusic.com[/url[ if you care), but that’s pretty much a hobbie that I get an occassional check from at this point. Oh wait - That’s how it was when I was a full time writer! Silly me!
Yer pal,
Satan
I HAVE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR:
Three months, two weeks, six days, 5 hours, 45 minutes and 28 seconds.
4449 cigarettes not smoked, saving $556.20.
Life saved: 2 weeks, 1 day, 10 hours, 45 minutes.
Well, I write non-fiction semi-humor. It’s alomost angry, yet funny social commentary. Sort of Dave Barry with an edge. Or George Carlin without all the profanity and less politics. I’ve tried writing a book but I never get very far! I have never really published anything in any kind of real medium. I had my own editorial column in my college newspaper for a semester. (Generated much hate mail!) I have had several letters to editors of various newspapers and magazines published! Oh, and I just found out that one of my research papers is archived at my college! (I know that’s sad but I was impressed!)
My husband is a script writer. He hasn’t had anything picked up yet but he’s working on it! The script he’s working on now is one for him to write, direct, and film himself. We’re just waiting on the big bucks to come rolling in…
Wait, I forgot. One of my poems have been turned into a e-greeting card at bluemountain.com! I don’t know if it has been turned into one yet or not, I just learned that I won the contest a couple of weeks ago.
Byz, could you do me a favor? Could you go to my website and read my stuff? (Hell, ALL of you need to do that)
I really like painting pictures with words, I don’t think I could write an entire novel because I’d want to focus on the scenery and not the characters. That’s something I have to work on, characters. Fleshing them out and stuff.
Since I discovered creative writing in 7th grade ( writing about a heroic dog named Great Dane saving Princess Poodle) my life has never been the same. my life has never been the same.
Until children, I always carried on my person a notebook or three and a couple of pens ( one might have bad mojo, don’tcha know) and would always be found scribbling away at my latest daydream during my lunch hour, dentist appointments, waiting for my car to be repaired, sitting in the airport. I cannot tell you how many stories I wrote while on vacation that when I pick up the twenty or thirty hand written pages of a story based on the place I was visiting, I can smell where I was and feel the sunshine on my face. These stories are the best souveniers I’ve ever had.
Before children and while I was at work, I was the first (and only) person to figure out how to use a new computer -airlines computer system that was sorta like windows- with a disc, so during lulls in work, I would just toggle over to a story and let my fingers and brain run amok. Some days I would type 7 hours straight-to go home and type until the wee hours, but my stuff was disjointed from the constant interuptions and lack of focus. It is in that aspect of my job that I really miss. That, and abusing the stamp machine priveledges.
Now that I my time is not my own ( note, it’s 4am) I don’t have as much time (maybe 15 minutes to an hour every day or so) I’ve rediscovered the joy of sitting there while entertaining the kids and daydreaming, working and reworking a story line. My writing has vastly improved.(and I’ve always considered myself an better than average writer.)
I am not published and my husband would sorely like me to be. He wants to be a kept man. To be more precise, he wants to be kept at Home Depot. I have been told for a very long time that I should write. But it is not in the area that I spend ninety percent of my mental free space, which is Romance. ( shuddup, it’s braincandy escapism and the number one selling genre out there.) It is in humor and day to day observations that I have that people just rave about.
Naturally this raving comes from the very people that I mock and tease in my writings. So there you have my Catch 22 du jour.
Will I ever submit? Yes. For now, it is my passion and my joy and my cheap form of therapy (outside of my kids).
The best advice I’ve ever read about writing is this:
1)If you wish to be a writer write.(Epictus, a dead Greek said this, and no, he wasn’t in a Frat.)
2)If you wish to be a writer, READ.
This is key:
3)It is the first page that hooks your reader in and the last page that gets them to buy another book.
Well I’ve published a couple articles in 2600, back before it started to suck, and I MAY be writing a book soon on Apache (the web server, not the Indian tribe.) It’ll be my first published book.
I’ve written a highly popular Apache tutorial and a bunch of inane political rants that have little basis in reality.
Here is the fixed link for the political rants mentioned above.
I’m a technical writer, so I guess that counts. I write computer manuals for software programs.
I write other things, mostly for fun. I’ve written the Tattoo FAQ (300+ pages online), the Travelite FAQ (how to travel with just your carry-on bag), and a number of other odds and ends.
Wow! Yes, I will go and check out any links flung my way and give my best opinion. However, it’s getting late and my dog is giving me that, “are you ever going to get off that stupid thing and go to bed?” look. I think I should.
Now, I’m not saying she TALKS to me or anything, but you know how cutting that look from your dog can be!
Kisses and I’ll see you around noon!
I’m not a writer.
I just have these ideas in my head that refuse to go onto paper like the good little ideas that they are.
< Homer voice > Stupid ideas. < /Homer voice >
If anything, I think I do better at off the cuff, improv writing than anything else.
I actually have written a children’s middle-grade novel that came extremely close to being published about 7 or 8 years ago. I was on the second or third revision, when the bottom sorta fell out of the children’s book market, publishers and editors panicked and my last revision was returned abruptly with a polite but brief note saying, “Sorry, but this just isn’t working. Good luck.”
I’m not really suited for novel-writing though. I require closure, so long-term writing projects are a strain.
Currently, I’m writing brief humor articles, at the rate of one every week or every two weeks, depending on my work load and things on the home front. I e-mail them to a small core of loyal readers, and I rotate them into my web site (see link below, Byz). No prospects on that yet, but I’m not really looking for any. I do it to maintain my sanity. Anything else is gravy.
Yup, I write, too. I’ve written a handful of short stories, three screenplays (plus a very popular and funny, yet unproduced, Seinfeld episode).
Presently, for the last two years, I’ve been working nearly exclusively on my novel. I’m being “commissioned,” however, by friends and family alike, to get back into story writing, though. I might have a new story next month.
As far as publication, I’ve had one story published on-line (and I got paid for it). I had another one get passed around The New Yorker for over six months, attaining many coffee cup stains on it before being sent back rejected.
Finally, it’d be wrong not to mention the lyrics I write for my band.