My Dad had a REAL problem with alcohol, he was a nice happy drunk, but make no mistake about it - he was a drunk. He held down a good job and all but when he was at home, he was perpetually buzzed.
My SO has in the past, had a drinking problem. During a very low point in this life, he came to the realization that it was a problem and checked himself into rehab.
Fastforward like 3 years…
My SO and I move in together and live happily ever after.
In the begining of our relationship, we drank more than I liked (I am ultra sensative about drinking cause of my Dad) and I drank less than he liked (because he equates a reward at the end of the day with a nice glass of red wine)
We have now been together for 4 years and the drinking is gradually increasing (I think) I have spoken to him about it recently and he agreed that the frequency of his drinking is more than he should. But chalked it up to a “summer thing” and vowed to cut back to a more acceptable limit.
I just called him on his cell and he was supposed to be golfing this afternoon, but the weather is bad. So he and his buddy went to our local pub and even though its just 4pm he is already more than half cut (I can totally hear it in his voice)
Do you think that someone who drinks something every single day, sometimes two glasses of wine, sometimes 10 beers, drinking too much?
So how much is too much? Whats your definition of a drinking problem?
Trace, honey, if you’re asking the question, you know the answer – and the answer ain’t some “okay” number that you can present to him.
The question is: are you okay with how much he drinks? The answer, clearly, is “no.” So the real question is – what are you going to do about it? That’s a complex one, and one I can’t begin to answer – you’re going to have to figure it out, and it’s going to be a painful process that’s going to involve giving up something. He’s gonna do what he’s gonna do, and your asking, telling, begging, screaming, demanding, or whatever, ain’t gonna change that. You need to start thinking about what you’re getting out of this relationship – and I mean looking beyond some “oh, I love him” bullshit. You may love him – you may love the drama and angst of being with him – you may love being the put-upon SO of a drunk – you may love the sympathy from your friends – you may love the hope that this time your relationship with the most important drunk in your life is going to turn out the way you want it to. Loving him isn’t the whole story.
This sounds harsh, but it seems like you’re getting to the point where you’re ready to start looking at some actual truth here. If you need some help on some of these issues, the folks at Al-Anon have definitely been there, done that, and can offer you love and support while you work out what you want to do. You deserve much, much more than what you’re settling for.
Love and hugs,
Twickster*
*alcoholic/addict [sober 16 years, 9 months], daughter of two alcoholics, sister of another, and veteran of more relationships with men who were drunk/addicted/emotionally unavailable than I want to think about.
Trace, honey, if you’re asking the question, you know the answer – and the answer ain’t some “okay” number that you can present to him.
The question is: are you okay with how much he drinks? The answer, clearly, is “no.” So the real question is – what are you going to do about it? That’s a complex one, and one I can’t begin to answer – you’re going to have to figure it out, and it’s going to be a painful process that’s going to involve giving up something. He’s gonna do what he’s gonna do, and your asking, telling, begging, screaming, demanding, or whatever, ain’t gonna change that. You need to start thinking about what you’re getting out of this relationship – and I mean looking beyond some “oh, I love him” bullshit. You may love him – you may love the drama and angst of being with him – you may love being the put-upon SO of a drunk – you may love the sympathy from your friends – you may love the hope that this time your relationship with the most important drunk in your life is going to turn out the way you want it to. Loving him isn’t the whole story.
This sounds harsh, but it seems like you’re getting to the point where you’re ready to start looking at some actual truth here. If you need some help on some of these issues, the folks at Al-Anon have definitely been there, done that, and can offer you love and support while you work out what you want to do. You deserve much, much more than what you’re settling for.
Love and hugs,
Twickster*
*alcoholic/addict [sober 16 years, 9 months], daughter of two alcoholics, sister of another, and veteran of more relationships with men who were drunk/addicted/emotionally unavailable than I want to think about.
I grew up with an alcoholic step father. From the time I joined the Navy at 18 till I was about 25, I drank more beer than any other beverage, combined. As far as I am concerned, anyone that feels the need the drink alcohol everyday has a drinking problem.
