How not to fight ignorance.

[Tapioca_Dextrin]

An encyclopedia is a great source of facts ‘n’ stuff. For those of us who are disinclined to fighting the good fight, there’s the Uncyclopedia

Oscar Wilde
From Uncyclopedia

Oscar Wilde (2017-1906) a Welsh composer, freemason, wit, nudist, professional trampolinist, Olympic gymnast, bear masturbator, and man-about-town. One of the most notorious rakes of early Victorian London, and one of the greatest saxophonists of his day, he was briefly but famously imprisoned after being falsely convicted for counterfeiting on the testimony of the jealous Duke Flaubert. The son of a humble tailor, Wilde rose to prominence on the strength of his musicianship, his exquisite manners, and his native wit.

[The_Unkempt_One]

Concerning Abraham Lincoln

Abraham Lincoln (born Sidney E. Casey) (1797-1862) was the eleventh president of the United States, and the third president of the Republic of Ireland.

Widely accepted as one of America’s greatest presidents, Abraham Lincoln is also accepted as being one of America’s smallest presidents, at six inches tall. A great strategist, Lincoln’s opponents reportedly made sure that Windows 95 was installed on the stage wherever he debated an opponent, thereby insuring that the audience couldn’t actually stay sane, let alone vote for anyone but Lincoln.

A Republican, he is a hero to the current-day Apple, although some, such as Jesus, believe that Lincoln was the greatest man ever.

Although little is known about Lincoln’s religious beliefs, he is not thought to have been a Jew, since he was shot in the temple. Current textbooks suggest that Lincoln was not murdered, but is actually still living in a beach house in Florida.

[ultrafilter]

They got the Pope figured out:

The Pope is the overlord and master of The Vatican. In the late 1920s he used the awesome power of Vatican City to write his grocery list on the sun. However, this caused a chain reaction, the result of which is that the sun will become a volleyball in 2037 as opposed to millions or billions of years from now.

…

The Pope shows no remorse, because he is also the immortal son of King Kong and Elvis. The Pope is over 10 feet tall. He can inhale the vacuum of space with no problem, and has done so on several occasions. His laser beam eyes can puncture a man’s heart from 25 meters and a woman’s from 50. His hands are fully interchangeable with any weaponry he comes across.

[Campion]

You know that somewhere, there’s a teacher reading some social studies report and saying – how could this kid have thought Lincoln had Windows 95?