How not to get a job

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

The local top 40 radio station here in DC has been putting resumes of job hunters on the radio. They get to give a short elevator speech and their resumes are posted online. While some of them are informative and I hope they get jobs, some of the others have me at a loss. I’ve been trying to translate what they are saying and I think I’m getting close. Let me know if I’m wrong.

“quote”:translation

“Developed extensive social network while tirelessly job hunting”:I have friends

“Us[ed] social media to target potential members and gain awareness for specific organizations”: I told my friends about my last job

“Independently moved to New York City, Miami and France”: my friends kept getting tired of me mooching off them

“Worked with marketing team to generate creative, beneficial ideas”: We sat around chatting for awhile, then went out for drinks

“Targeted appropriate audience for invitation to Victoria’s Secret promotional events”: I asked random guys at the bar if they wanted to see models in their underwear

“Looking for a postion that doesn’t feel like work”-I really just want to hang out on the net and twitter all day and get paid for it.

2

I once worked for a small-market radio group and we were always getting resumes proudly declaring that the candidate had graduated from New Mexico JuniorCollage or Collage of the Southwest (two nearby educational institutions).

By the way, what is to tout about “independently moving” to different cities? Can the person also dress themselves? Sheesh–no wonder outsourcing is popular;)

3

Or, “You’d better not expect me to stay in this job long, because I liked to move around. The minute I’ve got a few bucks saved up, I’m off to Rio!”

Potentially combined with: “I don’t have a lot of friends, because I talk endlessly about all the cool places I’ve lived.”

4

Yeah, my girlfriend in college was always harping about how independent she was because she lived on her own and I was a slouch because I lived in the dorm, without ever mentioning that she was getting a $5,000 check every month from her dad :rolleyes:

5

I took it to mean that they were willing to take risks, to set a goal and go after it. A lot of people will change cities for a job… it takes a little more balls to move first, find the job later.

6

Actually I’m overqualified/too experienced for this position but I’m willing to do it for a while until the job market picks up/as a stepping stone to a job that does justice to me as an individual.

I dont tolerate fools gladly and if that fool is my boss then I’ll tell him/her straight to their face and in front of everyone.
I’m looking for new challenges,more responsibility,tougher decisions.(I’m an arse creeping little Walter Mitty saying what I think you want to hear)