So when this zombie was resurrected I was curious about how my response has held up - other than the fact that we’re all 2 years older it’s mostly the same. My daughter is off on adventures of her own now but I still hear from her at least once a week, even if it’s just a quick picture of something she saw that she thought I’d enjoy or a quick message to say she missed me.
My son still goes a longer time between contact but his memory is better and he can update me on everything that’s happened since we last talked.
I write my parents once a week and call them once a week. I live several hours away and visit when I can. I’m the youngest of four. One brother lives about fifteen minutes away and sees them once or twice a week, another brother lives several hours away but visits a few times a year and calls periodically, and my sister lives farther away but does the same.
My daughter lives 800+ miles away. Mostly we stay in touch on FB, with the rare, occasional phone call. She doesn’t much like to talk about her work or her life and I don’t have a lot to share with her, so this works for us.
My mom lives about 100 miles away and we mostly stay in touch via email. She won’t make a long distance call unless it’s on her cell, and she gets really crappy reception at her house, so she rarely calls. When I call her, I know I’m in for a monologue of epic proportions, so I rarely call. I don’t want to listen to tales of people I don’t know doing stuff I don’t really care about. I’ll call her this weekend before she heads out on a 5-week cruise, and I won’t hear from her again till the middle of October.
My inlaws call my husband fairly frequently - sometimes multiple times a week depending on what’s going on with them.
Two of my sibs are on FB, the other 2 aren’t, so we mainly talk on the rare occasions when we’re all together - next time will probably be Thanksgiving. No bad blood or anything, we’re just not buddy-buddy - especially since I left home first and for most of the next 40 years, I lived far from them all.
I’m probably considered a terrible son if communication is the criteria. My wife speaks to her mom nearly everyday and her father (they’re divorced) probably 3-4 times per week. She tells me that I don’t communicate enough with my parents.
My mom and dad divorced when I was a kid and he lives 1800 miles away. He’s not a communicator other than the occasional comment on FB. I can go months without speaking to him, but we’ve been separated by miles for 3/4 of my life so we aren’t very close.
My mom lives about a half hour away. We see her on occasion. More during the Spring and Fall when she comes to the kid’s soccer games. We’re both loners and she and I both rarely call. Neither of us are phone chatters. When I call anyone the sooner I get off the phone the better.
When I (and my parents) were younger, my mother expected to hear from us at least once a week. She claimed this was so that she knew we were still alive and not in jail. She also is of the opinion - probably correctly - that a habitual schedule of contact would help keep our geographically scattered family from drifting apart. Therefore, Sundays were International Call Your Mother Day. This is, in fact, a pattern begun by my mother’s mother - who insisted each of her children not living in the same state as her call her at least once a week, on Sundays when the long-distance telephone rates were cheaper.
When I was in my early to mid 20’s, calling my mom on a Sunday was pretty far down my list of priorities. I did it anyway - you may be certain I would have Heard About It if I hadn’t. Even then I was glad I made the time. I’m a lot gladder about that time these days.
As my parents got older and my father’s mental health decayed (he has Alzheimers), I started calling twice a week. These days, since my dad’s mental health no longer exists in any meaningful sense, my brother and I have a schedule to make sure that SOMEONE talks to my mother every single day. This is to make sure she is still alive and not in jail. We also call each other - in a mostly-futile attempt to make sure that any little nuggets of information mom lets slip about Dad’s condition get distributed to everyone concerned. My mom likes to fail to tell us things - in part “so you don’t worry” and in part because she doesn’t like thinking about it herself, let alone discussing it.
This is just the normal, everyday pattern - in times of life changing events (weddings, pregnancies, house buying, cross-country moves, etc.), we tend to call the parents a great deal more often.
Funny, I just off Skype an hour or two ago. I chat with my parents every week or so – the time difference (New Zealand and New Jersey) makes it a challenge. Minor things get emails or texts. I was, as I often am, nagged about how my mom especially misses talking to me more.
Ignoring the fact that they are never the ones to call me; that responsibility is apparently mine and mine alone. If they called and I was available to talk I’d answer, but they never do that, yet it’s somehow my fault.
And ignoring the fact that other than the brief period I was living in their house for a few months, we haven’t talked much more often than that since I moved out over a decade ago. When I was in college (only two time zones away!) we talked probably once a week, maybe more if there was actually something noteworthy to talk about. So I don’t know what exactly they miss, even.
(Apparently I’m irritated. The moral of the story is don’t be passive-aggressive to your kids if you want them to talk to you!)
The youngest moved from 2000 to 120 miles away. We talk on the week with her and the middle kid maybe every other week. The eldest is still 10 minutes away. She had a kid in June. While she’s been on maternity leave, we’ve seen them about every other day.
I’ve long since retired, my son’s moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, “I’d like to see you if you don’t mind”
He said, "I’d love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job’s a hassle and kids have the flu
But it’s sure nice talking to you, Dad
It’s been sure nice talking to you
[/QUOTE]
I live in the same town as my parents and have for the last 18 years. I text my dad most days and Mom sometimes (they’re still married). Mom has a hard time with the phone - she’s very much of the HOW DO YOU GET THE CAPSLOCK OFF school - so it’s easier to text Dad. I have them over for dinner just about every Sunday. I’m an only child and so was my dad, so our family has always been small but tight-knit.
I can foresee a future when we might all have to move in together due to their deteriorating health; this will certainly happen if one of my parents passes away before the other - as is typical. I think it’ll drive me somewhat mental but it’s a bullet I will absolutely take for them if need be.
My kids are still an open question, as they’re too young (sophomore in college and junior in HS) to move away yet. I can say that my step-kids (all of whom live within 9 miles or less of our house) have cut off almost all contact with their father and me. He finds it devastating and I do, too, but I don’t feel there’s much I can do (beyond what I have done) to help things. I’m hopeful they’ll come around for him / us at some point and would welcome that.
Thank you for your post. This really gave me hope! I rarely talk to my adult children, and if I do, I am always the one initiating the conversation, ages 23 and 19. One lives on his own and one is in college, but there isn’t much communication with us. I am hoping this changes as they get older.
Very much depends on the dynamic between parent and child. My oldest and I live in the same town, Tampa, and we talk every few days, and see each other once a week to once every two weeks.
My middle child/oldest daughter lives in Cali, and we talk maybe once a month or so, almost always initiated by me, but sometimes her.
My younger daughter lives in Cali, too, and we talk more frequently, every few days to every couple of weeks, depending.
My parents live in CT, and we talk once a month or so, almost always initiated by her. I talk to my dad when Mom calls me, but his parkinson’s is starting to affect his speech, so it’s not for very long.
None of this is necessarily reflective of levels of affection between the various pairings…I’m actually closer to my dad than I am to my mom, and adore middle child, who is also pretty fond of me, but life circumstances and available time vary for us all.
I’m in Utah, my son (27) is in Texas. We talk directly every couple of months, text a little bit more often. Usually we just keep track of each other over Facebook. I do try to get him to visit once a year or so.
I wish we could keep in closer contact, but we really don’t talk much. I think it stems from me being divorced from his mother when he was really young- I never got a chance to be a father. With every-other-weekend visitation, I always felt more a distant uncle.
I talk to them once in a while. I don’t think they’re particularly interested in anything past that. But I don’t have any problems with them, they’re good parents.
I’m 54, live 1600 miles and change away from Dad and talk to him at least once a week (usually on Sunday) and sometimes more. We don’t always have a lot to say but it’s comforting to hear is voicel
I have them over for dinner just about every Sunday. I’m an only child and so was my dad, so our family has always been small but tight-knit.
I’m hopeful they’ll come around for him / us at some point and would welcome that.