Idle curiosity brought about by Maternal Guilt Ray.
I’ve never been the “call home” type, but as my mom gets older, apparently it bothers her more and more that I will sometimes go weeks without checking in with her. (Please note that I’m not defending my actions, just stating it the way it is.)
So, if you are an adult living away from home with at least one living parental unit, approximately how often do you call to say you’re alive, make sure they’re alive, etc.?
Before she retired my mom and I spoke every week or so. That was also before laong distance was practically free. Now she calls almost every day, which is more than I would choose and makes coming up with things to talk about challenging.
Either a call or email to indicate my living status every other day. At this point it isn’t an inconvenience (a minute to say ‘yeah, I’m not dead in a back alley somewhere, bugger off’). If it started to become really annoying the cord would be cut.
I rarely call my parents, but then I rarely call anybody unless it’s a relatively quick, information-gathering/appointment-making type of call. I’m not a conversationalist, I don’t enjoy long conversations, and I enjoy them even less over the telephone. A lot of that, I suspect, is that when somebody else calls me to chat, I generally wasn’t expecting the call and I probably don’t have anything prepared to talk about. So my telephone ringing is generally an interruption of something I was already doing, and I tend to assume (correctly or not) that my unannounced call will create the same situation for the person I’m calling.
I also have a hatred of telephones from experiences in my youth. I’m a musician, and in my teens I spent most of my free time playing music, and I hated, hated, hated the phone ringing when I was home alone and, say, 11 minutes into a 15-minute song and I’d have to stop and answer the damn thing. Because it was never for me, and if I didn’t answer it and take a message (my parents were too cheap for an answering machine) I’d get yelled at when the person it was actually for would later find out that somebody called for them and I didn’t answer even though I was home.
I tend to call on average once a week just for a check in. Additional calls if I have some news such as a job interview or if I need some advice.
When I lived in the same town as them, the phone call would be replaced with actually seeing them. I only live an hour’s train ride away but I see them quite infrequently - every couple of months - which is a shame really. My brother lives in the same town as them still and he and his fiance see them probably once a week.
They’ve never said they want me to call more or less often, and they rarely call me. We seem to have settled into a routine now whereby I call them and they still share their news. If I forget, I don’t get guilt trips from them because they know they’d just get the comeback ‘You could have called me!!’
Also my mum is my friend on facebook so she keeps up with what I’m doing there. We’ve spoken about it and I’ve said if she wants to see my profile, I’m not watering it down for her - she’s not allowed to make judgments about swearing, drunk photos or other hi-jinks - since that little chat being facebook friends with her has been fine.
It’s actually more frequent than that, but not always. I hadn’t talked to them since Christmas. My father’s birthday, followed by Mother’s Day a week later broke the silence. Mom’s birthday is coming up, and then Father’s Day. We’ll probably talk a couple more times until my birthday in November.
I call my mom a few times a week, just to chat and see what’s going on with her and the rest of my family. We also talk on IM sometimes, or by text, and we comment on each other’s Facebook.
I like my mom. She’s an interesting person, and we’ve grown up together (she was 18 when I was born). We have a lot of shared experiences, though from different perspectives, and a lot of shared friends of all ages. We relate to each other (mostly) as one adult to another.
My folks live down the street, and mom walks the dog with me almost every day. They watch the dog when I’m out, too, which is almost every day (walk before I leave).
Three days a week, my mom watches my brother’s kid at my brother’s house while he works from his home office. So, he doesn’t have to call her, she’s there. It’s pretty unusual for my parents to go more than 2 days without speaking to my brother or SIL.
Basically my parents have fully committed their lives to being grandparents (of human and canine babies) so that pretty much means we’re around them all the time.
Lucky for us, they’re generally cool people.
Mom is not and will not be my friend on FB. She understands, tho.
My wife talks to her brother and parents pretty much every day on the phone. They live in another state. On the other hand, she talks on the phone with her sisters, who live down the street, several times a day at least.
I call my mom (or she calls me) a little less frequently than once a month, so I chose the last option. No grandkids for her to check up on, and our lives aren’t dramatic or anything, so we both pretty much figure to assume all’s more or less well unless we hear otherwise.
Tell my inlaws that and they blow a gasket. They simply cannot conceive of that, and most of my husband’s siblings call their parents at least once a week. They expect it as well, though ever since my husband stopped speaking to his parents for about six months, they’re happy if he calls every other week.
Skammer: How on earth does she find the time to make all those calls?!