I love to speak with strangers. I could talk the ear off a stalk of corn; but I also love to hear what they have to say. I find it very difficult to not start a conversation with a stranger. However when they are in a “captive audience” situation (plane seat mate) I always wait for them to speak first. I would never attempt to start a conversation with someone who was reading or occupied in some obvious way. I realize many people are shy or just want to be left alone. I used to be one of those people.:o
I rarely talk to strangers, although if I overhear someone asking a question that I know the answer to and everyone else in their group seems confused (ex. “How do we get to the Zoo from this stop?”) I will often offer the information.
I don’t particularly enjoy chatting with strangers but if someone starts to make small talk standing next to me in line or in an elevator or something, I will be friendly and respond. If I don’t get any crazy vibes from them, I don’t want to make them feel awkward or rejected.
I like folks and I am interested in what other folks think. I am confident in who I am. I am friendly. I like to talk to strangers. My wife also says that I have yet to meet a stranger. I try to change them from strangers to at least acquaintances, if not friends. I have lived in both rural and city settings, I prefer the small towns of America.
I believe that how friendly people are is directly related to where the are raised. Big cities are more crowded and thus have more “strangers” then rural areas. To keep from getting “stranger overload” city folks are less open to talking to strangers then their “country cousins”. Country folks call this being “uppity”. These country folks have less people around them, thus they tend to try to get to know strangers. City folks call this being “nosy”.
I am from the Pacific Northwest. By eastern US standards, I am overly friendly.
By southern standards, I a mite arrogant, but I am not bad for a Yankee. Midwest folks (now there is a category that makes no sense, it is in the middle of the country for gosh sales!!, and, its all east of the Rockies), for the most part find me friendly. I can and will talk on just about any subject you want to talk about.
Great post, Snerky Snerk.
48Willys, if you were seated next to a stranger reading a book, would you try to start up a conversation? Also, what do you use as an opening topic?
I love talking to strangers! Being an introvert, I’m most comfortable with one-to-one communications so it really suits me.
I used to initiate conversations more when I lived in my home town, then when I moved to a bigger city I found that the culture was quite different and talking to strangers was frowned upon. So I’ve definitely lost the habit of doing it. My husband does not enjoy talking to strangers, so that is also a discouragement.
It’s pretty easy to tell who does and doesn’t want to talk to a stranger. Obviously there is ‘don’t talk to me’ body language (not making eye contact, reading a book, etc), but it’s also easy to tell if you just make some small talk, “Lovely to see the sun today,” and see how they respond.
When someone approaches me and mentions that I look familiar, I squint/stare/glare and ask, “ever done time?”
Unless I’m with my gf. She has seen how uncomfortable it makes most people and she prefers I not do it.
All the time, and I love it when they respond favorably. I also make it a point to solicit high fives from the little kids with parent’s permssion.
I was on a flight minding my own business when the woman next to me struck up a conversation. She wanted to talk about the TSA and security. I said I thought a lot of it was theater designed to make people feel safer but that it didn’t accomplish much. This upset her, so I said “you started talking to me and you chose the topic.” That conversation enriched both our lives.
Ok, this just cracked me right the hell up. Thanks, kayaker - my morning just got a little bit brighter.
Do I talk to strangers? Not really.
Do I like it when strangers talk to me? Not really.
As someone said upthread, I do so wish that those people who DO talk to strangers would recognize the signals that the person you’re talking to doesn’t want to talk back.
As a public service, let’s list the signs that the person does not want to talk. Off the top of my head:
- frozen smile;
- Not taking eyes off of the book, ipad, whatever, or attempting to return to to said item;
- Monosyllabic answers;
- Not following up with quesions of their own;
- Suicide attempt (i.e. a Japanese soldier might commit Hari Kari, or a buddhist monk might dowse himself in gasoline)
Anyone else have any signs?
Had an odd one today. I recently bought a new car and as I was coming out of a shop I noticed an alloy-wheel cleaning kit, it was pretty expensive so I had to think before buying it.
Outside I carefully checked each of the alloy wheels on my car to see if they need special cleaning or water and soap would be enough, after putting my shopping in the boot, when someone shouted, “Hey, what’re you doing!”
I looked up and a middle-aged woman who was parked a couple of spaces away was leaning across from the drivers seat and looking at me.
At first I thought it was someone I might know but quickly realised it wasn’t.
“Ummm…checking my alloys?!?”
“Why?”
“Because they’re dirty”
“What difference does that make?”
“Uh…I’m going to clean them” (while thinking ‘WTF?!?’)
“Oh…right…”, she quickly lost interest and went back to what she was doing before.
I found the whole thing a little surreal!
Ear-buds/headphone. It’s amazing how often I’m approached by someone who starts talking although I’m obviously wearing headphones!
Yeah, I leave my headphones on whether I’m listening to music or not. It’s like a do not disturb sign for your head.
I make a point of butting into other people’s conversations.
Why?
Only if I felt that they were open to talking. Then I would first ask what they are reading. Second, even though I am fairly good at reading body language, I ask if they would prefer to read their book undisturbed or would they like to discuss it. I ask because I have been into a book and have had folks just yap away when I would rather be left to read my book. I can be rude when I need to be, but I prefer to be pleasant.
As far as an opening topic, I use almost anything. I usually try to make a joke at my own expense. Say if someone tripped getting onto the aircraft, I would tell my seatmate “look he stuck the landing, I would have scraped myself up and bled all over the floor”. The weather is also a good subject, as a privet pilot, I have a fair understanding of this subject. If at all possible get them to talk about themselves or their favorite subject.
I have helped many folk get over being shy. I was once a very shy boy. My self esteem was built up over three years. I figured that I would have to get some “life experiences” under my belt before I could feel sure of myself. I got myself involved in many volunteer settings. Growing through my teen years in logging camps helped me realize that the most folks could do to me was to beat me up. I heal fast, so no big deal. I also learned that feelings are NOT reality. Just because I felt that the entire school was laughing at me did not make that true. Usually other folks are much more concerned with themselves and their issues than they are with you or yours.
Depends on the stranger. I’m an old, slightly overweight guy.
Old guy reading a hunting magazine next to me? Sure. I’ll try to converse.
Young co-ed reading a vampire book? Nah. I figure she’d rather be left alone.
Normally, I’m very much like 48Willys… I can, and do, talk to anybody, anywhere, at any time. And also, like 48W, I can usually tell when someone (doesn’t wish to, or) is uncomfortable with conversing with a complete stranger, and conduct myself accordingly. (In other words, I STFU! ;))
I will say this… I like kayaker’s method of discouraging conversation. 
There are times when that tactic, could come in very handy! 
She might’ve thought you were about to steal them. 