These friends sound like freeloaders who are using TheShroud’s place like a college-era crashpad and whoohoo, no pricey NYC hotel, bonus! without any regard for what it means to their host. What kind of adult books nine days without pre-clearing it? You don’t just assume nine days.
This behavior and assumption clears the board, in my opinion, and is so egregious that a complete rejection is acceptable. You just don’t take that level of liberty with a friend or their home.
I can see helping to pay this one time because of the misunderstanding, but yeah, not in future.
Thanks for the responses. I’m leaning towards sucking it up, but I like the idea of getting myself a hotel room. And yeah, based on past trips, my friends are cheap and the whole “buying meals for my host” thing has never really clicked with them (and I’m not the type to hint at it). But, they really are my oldest friends, and we have a good time, so I’d have a hard time turning them away. But I’ll make sure to sack up and tell them what’s what next time.
You sound like a really loyal friend, and a nice guy as well…
I have many friends around the country and I travel quite a bit to visit them, (just about all of my close friends are fellow live music junkies, so typically my trips involve flying in for a concert or music festival that we will all attend together) and since we usually hang out most of the time together anyways, they typically insist on me staying with them (oddly, most of them dont seem to want to come here to Salt Lake City to visit, except for once in a while in the winter for a ski vacation) but I would NEVER consider a 9 day stay, even with a friend who has a massive mansion, let alone a small NYC apartment.
That said, when I am the guest, I will not allow my host to pay for their food and booze; it just wouldnt occur to me NOT to pick up the tab. (usually I buy the concert tickets for my hosts as well) Of course, once in a while, the host will take me to one of their local watering holes and make it impossible for me to pay, having arranged beforehand with the bartender that it’s on them. I am fine with that maybe once a visit, and when I am hosting here in Utah, I usually make sure to do the same thing. Again, we are not usually hitting up five star places, but it just seems natural to me that I should be allowed to take out the people who are good enough to put me up (and put up with me) in their home.
I have to say your friends seem to lack a certain amount of graciousness as houseguests, but they are lucky to have you as a resource, as most wouldnt be so accomodating…
Find out how much a hotel near your apartment would cost, make up an invoice for your freeloading friends, and present it to them at the end of their visit and tell them, “This is what it will cost you to stay in New York next time you come to visit. Have a nice trip home!”
I think most people are aware that nine days is a lengthier stay than expected. In previous years, it sounds like stays of a couple days were the norm, and this nine-day journey is a considerable deviation. I won’t speculate on why this wasn’t communicated to you earlier, but I think some posters, like Bear_Nenno are being overly “legalistic” (I put “legalistic” in irony-quotes because contract law would allow you to have assumed that the course of performance from previous years would continue to be adhered to absent notice, and failing that, you have no obligations beyond that).
So, tell him what you told us: In previous years, his stays were much shorter and you had assumed that would be the case this year. Regrettably you don’t have the room to accommodate him for his entire stay, but you can certainly pass along some recommendations for cheap and commodious accommodations nearby.
Heck even half that would probably be a nice bonus.
I think it’s a little too late to ask him to get a hotel. You said he’s having money troubles, and he probably can’t AFFORD a hotel…and especially not at the last second. To kick him to the curb now, after he’s paid for his flight, would probably end the friendship, since he might not be able to change his tickets to shorten his stay, and he most likely can’t afford nine days in a hotel or a motel!
I think I would call friend and say, “Friend, I’ve been thinking. You’re coming for 9 days and that’s a lot longer than previous stays, plus the extra people and all. I’m getting really nervous about this plan. You know how tiny my apartment is. Let’s arrange a hotel room. I’d be happy to help pay for it since I know my apartment was part of your travel plans.”
I am still trying to wrap my head around the concept of subsidising someones vacation budget by paying for their hotel room because they want to visit my town.
If I have some spare space (and I do) feel free to crash with me for a few days, where we will hang out and party, and you will realise that you are saving a fortune by not getting a hotel, and then will spend some of your savings (a classic “win/win”) on boozing us up and getting us all some decent grub.
But paying for your hotel room because I dont have the space???
I dont understand this thinking; help me out…
Oops - I didn’t realize there were two ways to take that. I meant that you’ll be staying in the hotel next time, not that I’ll be charging you. 
There are cheap hotels and hostels in New York but finding one or anything under $400 a night with short notice is near impossible. For the future they should try a short stay apartment through Craigslist or a reputable letting agent. Way cheaper than a nice hotel, and the OP could even offer to check it out first (to avoid scams). As with London and Paris, having a friend to stay with can mean the difference between taking the trip at all, or going out to eat versus living on breakfast cereal. Ideally these people will return the favor, if not directly then by putting up your own friends headed to their neck of the woods. It’s not a perfect system but it works well when people are respectful guests, good hosts and bring you tons of duty-free booze.
Out of curiosity, for the OP – these 2nd and 3rd friends are friends of yours or friends of the 1st friend (by that I mean was the first guy like, ‘Hey, no need to book a hotel room, my friend has a great place where we can all stay!’)? Did you agree to everyone’s plans all at once?
If the plane tickets aren’t bought (and if he can’t afford a hotel room, how is he affording cross country plane tickets) tell him nine days is too long and/or three people too many. And that while you enjoy his company, you want to continue to enjoy his company in the future, difficult if he spends nine days with you in your small cramped apartment with you building resentment.
Or tell him that nine days is too long to not masturbate on the soft furnishings.
Guests and fish stink after three days.
If the plane tickets are bought, I think you still need the conversation with him, since it sounds like he’s presumed a lot and you’ve just gone along with it. That conversation is the "since your plane tickets are bought and your plans all made and I know you are broke…but this is the last time. In the future, if you want to stay with me it can only be for X days (or in the future you’ll need to budget for a hotel room).
I’d like to come to NYC for 4 days in February for the Westminster Kennel Club dog show. Will my room be available then? Thx.
StG
You told them they could stay, so I’m in the suck it up camp. However, next time they tell you they’re coming, that’s when you tell them you’re really sorry that you can’t put them up this time, but would they like you to investigate some hotels that are suitable for their budget?
If I were in your shoes, I’d roll my eyes and let them stay. No way I’d be run out of my own place or pay for someone else’s hotel room. That said, I would email Mr. 9-day guy and (gently if you’re nice) tell him it’s a dick move to make plans for a 9-day stay without asking first. Depending on your relationship with the guy you can probably make it sounds like you’re not that pissed off and still get your point across. Hopefully you’ll make him feel a little bad and he’ll spring for a meal or two and help out around your place.
Once the gang’s all there, you could bring up trying to meet up at some other fun destination next year. Or better yet, one of their places (if they live somewhere interesting).
You can get cross country plane tickets for $300 if you catch a good sale (I paid $269 NYC-SF in September).
Unless you are quite clever, it’s hard to find a hotel room in NYC for under $300/night.
Whatever you do, don’t offer to pay for their hotel stay. And if you do and they accept, you need to punch them in the neck.
You and I have different definitions of afford.
Whatever your definition, there is a difference between affording $300 and affording $3000, in terms of vacation expenses. It is quite possible for one to be within your budget ad not the other. In this case, the hotel is by FAR the greater expense.