So, for the 3rd year in a row, a couple of my friends from across the country are visiting in a few weeks. Usually, they’ve stayed a few days in my comically cramped apartment. It’s been alright, but I’m always surprised they don’t want to shell out a little cash for some extra elbow room.
Well, this year, one of the guys decided to book a 9 day trip, and he assumes he’s staying with me that long. A 2nd friend will be coming out with him for 3 days. Then at the end of the trip, a 3rd friend will be arriving for 3 days.
So, in previous conversations, I had told them they could stay here, but I hadn’t realized it was shaping up to be such an epic stay. I would like to kindly tell them to find a hotel or vacation rental, but…it’s short notice, and it’s New York (expensive). However, I’d be willing to shell out some of my own money just to avoid being Hotel De Shroud.
So, should I offer to comp the whole thing? (under 2 grand if I’m lucky). $500? I think the financial situation of the 9-day guy is precarious, but the other 2 have good paying jobs. Or just suck it up and live in a cramped hovel with no privacy for a week?
Tell them that they are welcome to stay with you for X number of days but after that they will need to go to a hotel because your apartment is being fumigated. That will keep their hotel costs low but buy you some time without guests filling up your apartment 24 hours a day.
Personally, I would suck it up and let them stay this time. If it truly is cramped and awful, it’ll be a great opportunity to bring up the hotel plan for their next trip.
I think you can tell them that 2-3 days is fine but 9 days is just too much, and you will help them find something decent. It doesn’t have to be so expensive either. You can get a private room at the Chelsea Int’l Hostel for $82, tax included.
If plans are already set then personally I would suck it up and make to a note to say no when they call next year. I hate when people break plans on me, especially when travel is involved, so I try not to do it to other people. But if your crowd is really laid back then maybe no one would think twice about it.
I suggest the direct approach, rather than any of these passive-aggressive suggestions.
“Hey Bob. I’ve been thinking, and even though I said it would be OK for you to stay, nine days is really a lot of time for me to not to walk around the house wearing my rubber nurse’s outfit and masturbating on the soft furnishings. So get a fucking hotel already.”
I’d just tell him that 9 days is too long. Unless it’s a very dear friend who really does want to see you for that long, he’s just using you as a hotel, so he may as well book one.
That’s how I would start the conversation…mention that you’d be happy to find a place and finance $X toward it. You’re sorry but you didn’t realize the extent of the trip and how many people were involved.
Agreed! You already made the offer, now you have to live with it. Don’t ever cancel on people if you can avoid it. If it’s that bad, they will feel it too and talking about different arrangements for next year will come easily.
You can find something outside of your home to occupy yourself if you feel that cramped inside. Are you friends planning to do stuff with you? Or are they just staying at your place while they do stuff on their own?
Not that the answer would change anything, but out of curiousity, while they stay with you, are they taking you out nightly for good meals, copious amounts of liquor and the occasional gentlemans “powdered shuggar show”?
Seriously, when I crash with friends, I insist on paying for food and booze over the length of my stay. I DO NOT take no for an answer either. (this does not necc. mean 5 star fine dining all the time, but when I am saving a huge amount of money on hotel bills, the least I can do is pay for the pizza and some cold beers at the local hangouts)
From reading the OP, it doesn’t sound like The Shroud offered to put up his friend for nine days (“one of the guys decided to book a 9 day trip, and he assumes he’s staying with me that long.”). So I think he’s well within his rights to say no to the whole thing and suggest a hotel room for the visitors.
The friend has already informed the OP of his stay and how long it will be. The OP did not say anything about it at the time, so now it’s too late. If someone offered to let me stay at their place for a trip, and I replied with “Thank you! I just booked my flight and I will be there from the 1st to the 10th.” If he did not reply with a “Oh dear! That is much longer than I expected. I could easily board you for 3-4 days… can I help you pay for a hotel room?” Then the OP has basically agreed with the plans. It’s already too late, IMO.
Just suck it up. Be a good person and let them stay there. Everyday you can apologize for how cramped the place is, and mention that you wont be insulted if they would rather stay in a hotel room and that you will help them with the finances of the arrangement. Maybe they will agree. Maybe your place feels cramped to them after 4 days, but they dont want to insult you. So they decide to endure the entire 9 days, and you’re both unhappy.
You can say no right up until they book the airline tickets. Then you’re as stuck as their return policy. There is no graceful way to ask, you just ask if you must, suck it up if you possibly can.
I like the idea of spending your $500 on a room for yourself for a couple of those nights. Why not treat yourself for two nights to something comfy right at the middle of their trip? Tell them it’s business travel or some such thing. . .
And next year you need to speak up right away. It’s entirely possible that they really didn’t feel like coming, but worried that you count on their yearly visit.
Well, he says he wasn’t aware of “how epic” it would be. Yes, it was an assumption to make the offer thinking it would be the usual three-day stay, but this is a significant enough difference to have another conversation about it, especially if he is willing to chip in for the room.
The thing is if you already told them they could stay, it’s really not fair to back out now. Just suck it up and live with it.
Next year when they want come, say something along the lines of “Well I’m painting the room at that time. Of course you’re welcome to stay if you wanna help paint…Ha ha ha.”
That way at best they won’t come and at worst you’ll get a guest AND a free paint job
Reading between the lines, these guests have already overstayed their welcomes (I get the distinct impression that The Shroud would be just as happy to not have guests staying at his tiny apartment for anything longer than an overnight stay in the future). I would suggest that you tell them it’s time to start booking hotels - you’re not college students with no money any longer, and vacations include motel room expenses. I would not offer to pay for their hotel rooms, either, for the same reasons (you don’t want to change from one bad habit to another).
